You can't take the country outta the girl, even if you take the girl(s) out of the country.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21693882/
The other one is pregnant too.
An interesting thought... if M and I had had kids at Jamie Lynn's age, by the time she is my age, she will have had a kid the same age she is now!
Boy am I glad to be a California/Bay Area girl.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Oh, and more stuff done over the birthday weekend too, bonus!
I'm also thrilled that M and I got our christmas cards done, christmas shopping done, and all the household chores completed (including one quick trip to the gym) over the weekend. Plus we had a lovely birthday dinner at BT's favorite restaurant* and attended a work holiday party.
I also want to send a shout out to the very special folks who made Friday birthday drinks work, thanks! I know how hard it is to get down the peninsula on a friday at 630pm (FYI, M is not in charge of planning social events anymore:-) And I will hold my tongue re: the couple of stinkers who did not make Saturday drinks even though they said they would. (seeing as how they dont read this blog, it's all good).
*Funny side note: M said that BT's hubby told him before dinner "be ready to stuff yourselves silly." The next morning, M says to me over breakfast & coffee--"Um, if that is stuffing yourself silly, I dont want to know what a normal meal is!" As much as we enjoyed the food, we were both starved by 7am.
The one bummer is that our waiter overcharged us $50 which was supposedly a "surcharge" on one of the dishes we did *not* order (and the surcharge wasn't printed on the menu), which we still haven't gotten reimbursed for. Arg.
I also want to send a shout out to the very special folks who made Friday birthday drinks work, thanks! I know how hard it is to get down the peninsula on a friday at 630pm (FYI, M is not in charge of planning social events anymore:-) And I will hold my tongue re: the couple of stinkers who did not make Saturday drinks even though they said they would. (seeing as how they dont read this blog, it's all good).
*Funny side note: M said that BT's hubby told him before dinner "be ready to stuff yourselves silly." The next morning, M says to me over breakfast & coffee--"Um, if that is stuffing yourself silly, I dont want to know what a normal meal is!" As much as we enjoyed the food, we were both starved by 7am.
The one bummer is that our waiter overcharged us $50 which was supposedly a "surcharge" on one of the dishes we did *not* order (and the surcharge wasn't printed on the menu), which we still haven't gotten reimbursed for. Arg.
Sometimes it's not so great to be an open book
Because when you're grumpy, frustrated, tired, stressed and sickly, there's no hiding it from people who know you. I have been told by at least 3 people that I don't seem like myself lately. That combined with the fact that I have been sick twice in the last 3 mos and have still not completely recovered from my fit of hives last week and .... well ... Message recieved. So, in my personal tradition, I am trying to do something about it.
First acunpuncture session completed today.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift this year is scheduled for this weekend.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift last year will be scheduled for the week of Christmas.
Yoga being reinstated as legitimate form of exercise in my repertiore.
And I will try to JUST. DO. LESS.
And my homework from my acupuncturist? I need to soak my feet in a warm lavendar bath for at least 15 minutes every day and take my vitamins. Now that is homework I can handle! And bonus, my feet already feel softer (thanks to this awesome lavendar oil I have).
Cheers and I hope you all have a lovely holiday break!
First acunpuncture session completed today.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift this year is scheduled for this weekend.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift last year will be scheduled for the week of Christmas.
Yoga being reinstated as legitimate form of exercise in my repertiore.
And I will try to JUST. DO. LESS.
And my homework from my acupuncturist? I need to soak my feet in a warm lavendar bath for at least 15 minutes every day and take my vitamins. Now that is homework I can handle! And bonus, my feet already feel softer (thanks to this awesome lavendar oil I have).
Cheers and I hope you all have a lovely holiday break!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Catching up, Whew!
Well, I'm happy to report that M and I are on our way to being caught up. yeah!
House cleaned: check
Bills paid: check
Groceries done: check
Animals properly cared for: check
Caught up with good friends: check
Final credit card bill paid OFF: check
Tickets to Kooza purchased: check
Several to-do items 'round the house & autos scheduled: check
Attended wierd science exhibit with geeked-out husband and equally fascinated friends while yawning through the exhibit (aka Body Worlds): check
Christmas shopping list made: check
Some Christmas gifts actually purchased! check
Christmas cards re-ordered because first batch were illegible: check
What little Christmas decorations we have put up: check
and... check this out... tax software for 2007 tax prep purchased (already!): check
See what can happen in just 2 days?
And today I crossed many old to-do's off my work checklist (including an expense report I've been meaning to do since October, yikes) AND personal checklist too (broken nails? not anymore!) YEAH!
Still need to hit the gym though . . . it's on the list for Wednesday.
Good start to the week. Cheers!
House cleaned: check
Bills paid: check
Groceries done: check
Animals properly cared for: check
Caught up with good friends: check
Final credit card bill paid OFF: check
Tickets to Kooza purchased: check
Several to-do items 'round the house & autos scheduled: check
Attended wierd science exhibit with geeked-out husband and equally fascinated friends while yawning through the exhibit (aka Body Worlds): check
Christmas shopping list made: check
Some Christmas gifts actually purchased! check
Christmas cards re-ordered because first batch were illegible: check
What little Christmas decorations we have put up: check
and... check this out... tax software for 2007 tax prep purchased (already!): check
See what can happen in just 2 days?
And today I crossed many old to-do's off my work checklist (including an expense report I've been meaning to do since October, yikes) AND personal checklist too (broken nails? not anymore!) YEAH!
Still need to hit the gym though . . . it's on the list for Wednesday.
Good start to the week. Cheers!
Friday, December 7, 2007
I am however thankul for.....
My good friends.
After the last post, I had to run out to an appointment. I listened to R's voicemail on the way and felt warm fuzzies. At the very least I have REALLY. AWESOME. FRIENDS.
I have decided that I am not going to plan the next social engagement and allow myself to think, "well what if I'm pregnant?" Because chances are, I won't be. So we're booking our Tapis Rouge tickets to Kooza (which I was putting off because I didnt want to pay for VIP with drinks if I couldn't drink), I'm gonna start looking at a vacation for us before M leaves his airline, etc. And I am not going to let myself think about contingencies. (or I will at least try). Fuck it.
I am going to visit R in Jan, I've got a work trip in Phoenix in Feb, followed by a wedding in Savannah that weekend and I've got a bachelorette in Vegas in May (not to mention 2 weddings in Hawaii in August and October)---all of which will include a fairly high level of drinking, as usual. So I'm jumping in. With both feet.
I'm not saying TTC isnt going to cross my mind. Just telling M today that I'm not pregnant *again* brought on the waterworks. But I resolve (possibly a new year's resolution) not to let it be the only thing on my mind. Which is why I can't chart anymore. It's a constant reminder of what is not happening.
After the last post, I had to run out to an appointment. I listened to R's voicemail on the way and felt warm fuzzies. At the very least I have REALLY. AWESOME. FRIENDS.
I have decided that I am not going to plan the next social engagement and allow myself to think, "well what if I'm pregnant?" Because chances are, I won't be. So we're booking our Tapis Rouge tickets to Kooza (which I was putting off because I didnt want to pay for VIP with drinks if I couldn't drink), I'm gonna start looking at a vacation for us before M leaves his airline, etc. And I am not going to let myself think about contingencies. (or I will at least try). Fuck it.
I am going to visit R in Jan, I've got a work trip in Phoenix in Feb, followed by a wedding in Savannah that weekend and I've got a bachelorette in Vegas in May (not to mention 2 weddings in Hawaii in August and October)---all of which will include a fairly high level of drinking, as usual. So I'm jumping in. With both feet.
I'm not saying TTC isnt going to cross my mind. Just telling M today that I'm not pregnant *again* brought on the waterworks. But I resolve (possibly a new year's resolution) not to let it be the only thing on my mind. Which is why I can't chart anymore. It's a constant reminder of what is not happening.
TTC + me= bad... TMI? wtf.
**WARNING: This is a rant, pure and simple. A completely self-pitying, pessimistic, negative-nelly post. If you are in a good mood right now, click out. If you're in a bad mood, go ahead read on. Perhaps you'll feel better comparatively**
The title of the post? That's not a mathematical problem. If you are TTC as well, you probably feel the same way. But my dear readers, most of you are not, so let me explain.
TTC = trying to conceive. We have been TTC for 3 cycles now and I am not happy. Reasons? Well, when I get up every single day at the same time to take my temperature (BBT, basal body temperature), write down all my stuff in my chart, record it, analyze it for best days to conceive. And then we do what's necessary for those days (and that is not an easy task when you're doing it for a purpose and on a "required" basis ). And then we wait for 2 weeks, wondering, hoping, but trying not to get our hopes up. And then around Day 10 or 11 DPO (days post-ovulation) I start getting the telltale spotting. (The first couple of times, I was like "yippee! that could be implantation spotting!" And then I'd be disappointed when my period came the next day or two. Now I know my cycle, if i get the spotting, the big P is coming. and not the good one.) And then the suck sets in and I have to look at next month and see if we can work M's flying schedule around my ov schedule.
See, we have it doubly hard because unlike most husbands, M cannot just BE there when we need him to be there. So we have to plan out a month in advance (and usually it's too late to do so because he bids 6 weeks in advance). And then on the days that he IS home during that critical time, try and do what needs to be done. Well, it doesnt always work out that way. That is massive pressure... for everyone involved. But we still charge on. And all for naught.
Which leads me to my pissy/depressed mood today.....
So last night, all was well. Temps were staying high and I only had one more day of waiting to go. This morning, all hope went to hell in a handbasket. Temp dropped, spotting started and I fell back into bed and cried. THIS FUCKING SUCKS.
And let me tell you, this has got to be one of the hardest things for a couple to go through. Trying and trying each month, and for NOTHING. WTF is fate doing to us? Didn't we have it bad enough with the miscarriage? Can't you give us a f-in break?
Sure, a cheating spouse would suck. But at least you could blame someone, get mad at them, move on with your life. But this? There's no one to blame, there's no clear rhyme or reason for this continued failure and nothing we can do just yet. Sure, I can do more stuff---seek out an acupuncturist, take some herbal natural stuff, whatever. But I honestly can't charge on more. I can't stand the thought of doing all that Eastern medicine shit and it still not working. i'd fucking lose it.
Sure, I can see what my doctor says... but Western medicine is likely to say, "well give it a few more months." **
Fuck that. You try doing this for a few more months. Try forcing this uncomfortable situation into your life, your real life, between 2 full time jobs (one for which the person is gone 70% of the time), juggling chores, bills, the house, the animals, the holidays and the inquiries into "how is it going?" (Clearly that is a question that answers itself!) Making babies isnt all roses and sunshine. And it doesnt happen easily. If you are TTC, you are doing it 5-10 days in a row, twice a day if you can closer to expected ovulation. You are peeing on the damn ov-kit stick, you are charting, taking temps. All that. And that doesnt make for romance in the bedroom. For him or for me.
On top of all of that, all of my friends who want a family are either [1] pregnant and have gotten pregnant in the last 4 mos or [2] already have kids. A few of my friends don't want kids, others are not quite in that kind of relationship yet, etc. I really only have 1 friend who wants to get pregnant now and can't besides me. And yes, while I'm all happy for those people who are pregnant, I'm not happy for us.
This is why I don't gamble. We're not lucky people. Clearly.
So... I'm pretty much at my wit's end here. I know it hasnt been that long, blah blah blah. You can only say that if you've been here though. Truly. When you're type-A about many things in life, and are used to achieving goals that you put your mind and energy towards, not achieving your goals is not something you can get used to. I know many of you feel the same way. Unfortunately, this isn't like the Bar where I can just study harder, or get in a more Zen-place about it. There's nothing I can really DO to make it happen. So I'd rather just stop the madness. I'm ready to throw in the towel and just say "fuck it all. whatever happens, happens." Throw out the thermometer, the ov-sticks and the damn charting software. And pick up a big strong DRINK. At least I can do that!
The title of the post? That's not a mathematical problem. If you are TTC as well, you probably feel the same way. But my dear readers, most of you are not, so let me explain.
TTC = trying to conceive. We have been TTC for 3 cycles now and I am not happy. Reasons? Well, when I get up every single day at the same time to take my temperature (BBT, basal body temperature), write down all my stuff in my chart, record it, analyze it for best days to conceive. And then we do what's necessary for those days (and that is not an easy task when you're doing it for a purpose and on a "required" basis ). And then we wait for 2 weeks, wondering, hoping, but trying not to get our hopes up. And then around Day 10 or 11 DPO (days post-ovulation) I start getting the telltale spotting. (The first couple of times, I was like "yippee! that could be implantation spotting!" And then I'd be disappointed when my period came the next day or two. Now I know my cycle, if i get the spotting, the big P is coming. and not the good one.) And then the suck sets in and I have to look at next month and see if we can work M's flying schedule around my ov schedule.
See, we have it doubly hard because unlike most husbands, M cannot just BE there when we need him to be there. So we have to plan out a month in advance (and usually it's too late to do so because he bids 6 weeks in advance). And then on the days that he IS home during that critical time, try and do what needs to be done. Well, it doesnt always work out that way. That is massive pressure... for everyone involved. But we still charge on. And all for naught.
Which leads me to my pissy/depressed mood today.....
So last night, all was well. Temps were staying high and I only had one more day of waiting to go. This morning, all hope went to hell in a handbasket. Temp dropped, spotting started and I fell back into bed and cried. THIS FUCKING SUCKS.
And let me tell you, this has got to be one of the hardest things for a couple to go through. Trying and trying each month, and for NOTHING. WTF is fate doing to us? Didn't we have it bad enough with the miscarriage? Can't you give us a f-in break?
Sure, a cheating spouse would suck. But at least you could blame someone, get mad at them, move on with your life. But this? There's no one to blame, there's no clear rhyme or reason for this continued failure and nothing we can do just yet. Sure, I can do more stuff---seek out an acupuncturist, take some herbal natural stuff, whatever. But I honestly can't charge on more. I can't stand the thought of doing all that Eastern medicine shit and it still not working. i'd fucking lose it.
Sure, I can see what my doctor says... but Western medicine is likely to say, "well give it a few more months." **
Fuck that. You try doing this for a few more months. Try forcing this uncomfortable situation into your life, your real life, between 2 full time jobs (one for which the person is gone 70% of the time), juggling chores, bills, the house, the animals, the holidays and the inquiries into "how is it going?" (Clearly that is a question that answers itself!) Making babies isnt all roses and sunshine. And it doesnt happen easily. If you are TTC, you are doing it 5-10 days in a row, twice a day if you can closer to expected ovulation. You are peeing on the damn ov-kit stick, you are charting, taking temps. All that. And that doesnt make for romance in the bedroom. For him or for me.
On top of all of that, all of my friends who want a family are either [1] pregnant and have gotten pregnant in the last 4 mos or [2] already have kids. A few of my friends don't want kids, others are not quite in that kind of relationship yet, etc. I really only have 1 friend who wants to get pregnant now and can't besides me. And yes, while I'm all happy for those people who are pregnant, I'm not happy for us.
This is why I don't gamble. We're not lucky people. Clearly.
So... I'm pretty much at my wit's end here. I know it hasnt been that long, blah blah blah. You can only say that if you've been here though. Truly. When you're type-A about many things in life, and are used to achieving goals that you put your mind and energy towards, not achieving your goals is not something you can get used to. I know many of you feel the same way. Unfortunately, this isn't like the Bar where I can just study harder, or get in a more Zen-place about it. There's nothing I can really DO to make it happen. So I'd rather just stop the madness. I'm ready to throw in the towel and just say "fuck it all. whatever happens, happens." Throw out the thermometer, the ov-sticks and the damn charting software. And pick up a big strong DRINK. At least I can do that!
**Update: useless Western medicine doctor (who by the way had the WORST bedside manner, which I remembered from my post-D&C check up) did indeed say try for a few more months, only worse. She said we need to try for a YEAR! F**k that. What a waste of a co-pay!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
must...post...something...
Like Wintermute said last week, must post. Sorry for being a slacker. But the only thing i have to post about right now is how insanely behind I am on life, paying bills, doing dishes, work, work, and more work, cleaning up the house. This house is like a friggin' pig sty right now. Get my butt to the gym anytime this month... it's been way too long on that one too. But with getting my second cold in 3 mos and breaking out in full body HIVES on Monday, hasn't happened. Sweet.
Must. Dig. Out. Of. Hole.
till I do... posting has to sit on the back burner.
Must. Dig. Out. Of. Hole.
till I do... posting has to sit on the back burner.
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