A Really Goode Job, please VOTE for me!!

Hi all,

I hate solicitations, but I actually do need your votes. Can you please take 30 seconds to click on my video and then enter your email to vote for me? You don't even have to watch the 60 second video I posted... just vote!

I applied for a Really Good Job to bethe Wine & Lifestyle Correspondent for Murphy Goode Winery this Fall. The job is amazing--live the life, write the stories, twitter and facebook about it and generally get people to fall in love the Sonoma and MG wines. Easy, right?

Well, not exactly. I need YOU to PLEASE vote for me. I know, my video is a bit cheesy and not nearly as cool as the other kids. But just because you have a cool vid doesnt mean you can do the job. And I know I'll do it justice. How can you really get people to fall in love with a place you've never lived in??

So VOTE LOCAL! Please?

http://www.areallygoodejob.com/video-view.aspx?vid=s6AcQV2P7E4

I, for one, am looking forward to consistency

in daycare that is. E starts daycare July 1st and unlike other moms and dads, I am looking forward to it. We just averted a child care crisis for tomorrow afternoon because we had nowhere to take E for 3 hours. 3 stinkin' hours. Our babysitter is in Croatia. My go-to stay-at-home mom friend is on vacation, my other SAH mom friend was unreachable. My only other option was to ask my mom to come down a day early... which meant she'd be here Mon-Friday. Need I say more?

Thank god, L's mom saved the day and said she could take him for 3 hours tomorrow. I am eternally grateful and look forward to the day I can be her savior (for day care) as well. Not sure when that'll happen... maybe when she goes back to work?

Nonetheless, I am grateful for good *good* friends who step up when we have no one else and am very excited to see how the consistency of professional daycare will make our lives easier (or at least more manageable).

That is all!

Trimming the fat is actually kinda fun

With the forthcoming addition of daycare to our list of financial obligations every month, plus our desire to buy a house this year and take care of our yearly tax raping issue, M and I have executed a new family budget and are sticking to it (this time).

This has meant trimming the fat on all unnecessary expenditures and I gotta say, it's having quite the positive effect. I like knowing exactly how much I'm supposed to spend on lunches each week. I kinda like bringing my lunch on Thursdays because I know I'm eating healthier and I'm getting work done during my lunch now (with the small exception of posting right now). I'm budgeting my time better too and carving out much-needed time to hit the gym. That's gotta help trim the fat on my waistline (stay tuned for updates).

And I was just introduced to a cool site that posts fun, cheap stuff to do in the Bay Area. Woot! I'm loving looking at all the fun stuff we can do as a family and not spend a lot of money.

Finally, we've instituted mandatory monthly "family only" weekends during which we have NO plans with other folks and spend the entire weekend doing whatever the hell we want. Hopefully that won't include chores and bill paying (although to a certain extent it's a necessary evil), but we are looking forward to tending to the summer garden, playing with elliott in the backyard, going on family bike rides with our new (to us at least) pimped kid bike trailer, etc.

I'm really looking forward to seeing what benefits we'll reap (financially, emotionally, as a family) in the next few months. Hopefully we will be able to get that house we desperately need by Nov 30th and hopefully I'll lose those last few pounds before Elliott turns 1 (like I desperately need).

Here's to trimming the fat, yippee!

New life, new rules

I've been made aware, forcefully in some respects, that my new life does (and must) encompass a new set of rules. This wasn't something I was completely prepared for, but over time I've adjusted to it. I thought I was adjusting well. For example, I've become quite the planner now (if it's possible to plan more than I did before)--always having to think 10 steps ahead and anticipate every possible need/roadblock/want for E. I've acquired new skills and even more importantly, new friends. My new friends (who are also moms) have become my lifeline. We support each other, understand what life is like at this stage and hold realistic expectations of each other as we grow into our new roles.

The flip side of that is that I have lost friends too. It's unfortunate, but I understand that that too was a necessary evil. Learning and adapting to my new role in life is tough, but doing so while managing our home & lives, maintaining and thriving in my job and progressing on our goals has proven to be extremely overwhelming. Unfortunately that has meant that I'm more forgetful, I'm constantly moving at the speed of light (my husband calls me "the tornado" now) and unfortunately, I can't be present in quite the same capacity in other areas of my former life. I am constantly struggling with the feeling that my plate is too full, I can't handle it all.

I've posted about this before, but I feel an urgent need to significantly simplify my life in order to manage what I do have going on successfully. And like many other moms, struggle, almost daily, with a proper balance between work, life, love, friends and children.

There's no real point here... I guess the take-home lesson has been, "win some, lose some." Too bad it can't be all winning....

Thinking outside the box

Lately I've spent time I should be doing something else (like falling asleep, working) daydreaming about the next perfect job. I think I've come up with a few winners... now it's just a matter of researching each option, consulting people in the field and figuring out how to work it into the mix of chaos I currently call my life.

Luckily, with each option I can continue to keep my day job while the "dream job" is still getting its legs. But again, I'm stuck with the problem of how to juggle the dream job, my real job, my family life and managing the home.

For now, it's going to mean hiring babysitters to watch E so we can tend to things 'round the house, sneak a few hours of research in after work and E goes to bed, and take advantage of the times when E is away (which is *rare*... but I do have one weekend coming up) or otherwise being tended to.

Someone once told me I was good at my job (back then I was a lawyer) because I always think outside the box. I'm not sure if it was true back then, but I do feel like that skill/talent/characteristic (?) is surfacing and in a good way.

While I'd like to think I would *love* staying home and being a mom only, I'm fairly certain that in reality I'd want more. Not because I'd be bored (taking care of E is anything but boring!), but because I simply want more for myself. I want an identity outside of being E's mom. I have a friend who decided to quit her job and be a mom. More power to ya. Wish I could afford it, but even if I could. . . Anyways. I called her the other day and got her voicemail. Girlfriend's outgoing message said, (in her husband's voice) "F's mom can't take your call right now. Leave a message." BEEP.

Um.. NO. That is exactly what I do NOT want. I do not want my identity to be "E's mom" only. I do not want to be so lame/lazy/tired/indifferent to the outside world that I allow my husband to leave MY outgoing message and call me E's mom, and not my REAL name.

My visceral reaction to that message, every time I get it, solidifies my belief that I could not (even if we could afford it) be a stay at home mom only. So, I've started thinking outside the box for a "job" I could do that would allow be the greatest flexibility ever, be my own boss, not be stuck adhering to the traditional "business" schedule, have the ability to take time off when/if I want to and incorporate E into my daily routine without it crimping my professional abilities. I'd also like to be paid fairly for my time, but am willing to accept that if I leave Corporate America, there will be a time period for which my earnings will decrease before I realize a gain. And I'd lose my health insurance. Doh.

Sounds like I want it all, and I do. So. . . to find a way, I need to think outside the box.

Damn invisible box.

Language barrier or something else?

So, I had my second fight with my mom since she started taking care of E last December (however it is the second one since Easter, so a bit close for comfort). For those of you who know my mother and my history with her, you know that's quite a feat. But that's neither here nor there. . .

I'm trying to process what the hell happened. How it got started and why she got so upset. And I'm having a hard time deciding whether the root of the problem is the language barrier, a cultural difference, an interpretation issue or simply the situation at hand. Starting with the latter, M raised a good point--saying that in a situation like ours (my mom is taking care of E without pay--just the cost of her commute/costs incurred), it is inevitable that she would feel she a lack of gratitude. She's working for free, ultimately, to help us. Sure, we do everything we can to make it easier for her--cook for her, clean up after her, buy whatever she needs here, etc. But at the end of the day, she's not collecting a paycheck. So no matter how many times we thank her, express our gratitude, working for free (no matter what one may think their reaction would be) can, and probably will, result in her feeling like we take her for granted. (which we don't!)

At the same time, I have a deeply held belief that when there is a disagreement, each party should have an opportunity to express their thoughts, feelings, etc and be heard. Without interruption and completely. Then the other party should be give the chance to process and respond. Maybe it's the lawyer in me. But more than that, I feel it's only fair for each side to be heard--fully and completely--so both sides can hear (if not listen) and perhaps understand.

The problem tonight (and with my parents in general) is that they *loudly* express their thoughts and problems with the situation--and I listen--but when it's my turn to respond, they interrupt and say "No, that's enough. Just stop. We aren't discussing this anymore."

UM. NO. I am not 16 anymore, you do NOT get to decide when the conversation is over. I heard you, listened to you, asked you clarifying questions regarding your position, and now YOU will hear me.

Sadly, when someone decides they are not going to hear, let alone listen, it's not gonna happen. Especially when they storm out the door.

So, what is one to do?

Luckily, I have one sane parent. In explaining this to him after he cooled down and returned to the house, he said, "yup you're right. I cant just listen when I disagree." And, "no, you're right, it's not entirely fair."

But ultimately, when dealing with my mother--I do wonder what the underlying cause is. I know it's not the gratitude. That's a symptom of the situation that can't totally be fixed. I do think it's a toss up between the language barrier and a cultural difference. While she cannot apologize (never has and never will), cannot admit she is wrong (same) and rarely expresses gratitude herself to others--she fully expects those things from others.

I really struggle with that. I have a hard time reconciling what I know about her with how she acts. Even though I know better.

Damn rock. Damn hard place.

The billable mom

My short stint as an attorney haunted me last night as I was trying to fall asleep. . . I got to wondering--if I billed my time now (in 6 min increments) what would an average day look like?

~630-800am
.10 slowly wake to the sounds of a delighted 9 mos old chatting with himself in a very wet diaper
.20 change wet diaper, warm bottle, feed bottle
.30 hang with happy baby in bed with happy husband and sleepy kitties

Then the day starts. . .
~8-830
.30 feed E breakfast, make coffee, fix my own breakfast
.10 check blackberry for any emergency emails that need immediate answering. If yes, head down to the office. If no, drink coffee while cleaning up after breakfast

~830
1.0 work in home office, prepare for day with clients
1.0 commute to City
1.5 work with clients, meetings

~12noon
1.10 lunch with friends

~130
1.5-2.5 client meetings

~330/4
1.0 commute down peninsula

~4/445pm
.30 errands on the way home
.20 commute home

~5/530pm
.20 hug & kiss my son after dropping my crap at the door
.20 play with E, who is exuberant to see mommy
.10 consider going to the gym

~6-7pm
1.0 hit the gym
OR
dinner for E, prep dinner for us, rub a dub with E, story time with E, bed time....

~8pm
1.0 prep and eat dinner with mom and husband

~9-10/11
1.0-2.0--either banking/emails during TV, working with wine, laundry, cleaning up or passing out. Depends on the day.

~10/11
blissfully hit the hay.

Doesnt sound that bad when I see it written out. How come living it is so much harder? Kind of reminds me of when I'd look at DTE (for non-lawyers, the billable hour/timekeeping system), I'd see days with 8.0 and think "huh, that's all I billed that day?" I'd also see days that read "14.2" or at my worst "17.0" and think--"yeah, that explains why I'm so tired, have no food in the house, havent seen my husband, forgot to leave a check for the housecleaner, found 6 UPS delivery notices on the house door, etc."

I guess it's a lot easier to digest when it's just a number on a screen. When you're living those hours, it's a different story. If I digress from the above schedule at all, ie if someone is sick (worse if it's me), if I want to have some *gasp* down time, or am more busy than usual at work--all of that is thrown out of whack and it seems like recovery is impossible.

So, I ask. . . what do we do then? Back in the day, when faced with the choice of sleeping or eating (when E was about 2-3 mos old), I always chose sleep. Now, I don't have that luxury.

I'm convinced now that if I could bill my mom time and my work time to my former clients, I'd be set for retirement by the time I'm 40. Ahh to dream.

Back to work. . .