Vacation: A comparison

It's a totally normal thing to ask--"how was your vacation!?" with excitement in the voice. I hate to let people down when they ask, but to be honest? Our trip to far eastern Canada was... Hard. Challenging. Exhausting. Mixed in with a bit of family fun.

The truth of the matter is, travelling with a toddler is DAMN hard work. It's supposed to be fun and there are definitely moments when it is. But for the parents, taking the toddler out of the home, the routine, the child-proofed house and flying him 9 hours to the WAY eastern shores of Canada is... well, tough. For everyone involved (including cabin crew, fellow passengers, parents).

Were it not for the beautiful kindness of strangers, I would not have survived the return trip alone. That's right, ALONE. For various annoying reasons, M was not able to get on my flight back from Halifax, so I flew 9 hours (plus transfers) with E alone. M's been telling me his buddies at work told him I should "buck up." Um, F-you. You do not know my kid. He's the kid no one wants to travel with (serves me right for hating travelling with other people's kids all those years). He's loud, he kicks your chair, he wants to touch everything and he doesn't give a fig about TV or other forms of entertainment (except maybe in short 2 minute intervals). So 9 hours alone in a tight, confined, shared space with 150 individuals was TOUGH. We're talking constantly walking the cabin, vertical diaper changes in that tiny-ass lav and LOTS of carrying. (My back still hasn't fully recovered and occasionally spasms)

Then, landing at SFO and having to load up the Bob (stroller), carseat, my GIANT 60 lbs bag, my carry on and another unwieldy bag and drag it on AirBart and to my car and then INSTALL the damn car seat (first time) was the final straw. It nearly brought me to tears. I *almost* called our good friends to have her husband come help me install the seat.

Anyways, our vacation to Canada isnt the sort of trip I'd classify as a vacation. There were no lingering dinners over lovely and amazing food. There were no unplanned stops at wineries. There were no spa appointments or leisurely enjoying a book on the beach. I've come to realize those vacations no longer exist for me (so long as we take E with us).

We take different vacations now. The kind where I walk into our beach cottage and evaluate the risks of each sharp corner, table, brick and glass and try to mitigate potential damages by child-proofing. Barricading doors, fireplaces and dangly glass objects from the curious reach of E. Our daily activities revolve around whether E could tolerate the planned activity for any length of time. (will he jump out of the paddleboat? Would he sit in the stroller long enough to enjoy a nature walk? will he destroy the restaurant?) And meals are now eaten in shifts with one parent typically enjoying a glass of wine and apps alone while the other walks/entertains E in hopes we can all sit down for 10 minutes to enjoy an entree together.

To be honest, M is not to bothered by this. He's not a sit-around-read-a-book kinda guy. When we'd do our thrice-annual trips to Maui, he'd surf, beach comb, do anything but sit and layout with a book. So he's loving have a new little buddy to take along. And I say, more power to ya!!

Thank god I have an amazing dad for a husband. As much as it wasn't relaxing, it was such a joy to see E experience feeding bunny rabbits for the first time, walk the Nova Scotia beaches with Daddy, pick up rocks and point gleefully at the birds, go paddleboating and visit all his family in Timberlea.

As much as I miss the vacations of yesteryear, I am thrilled to experience a new kind of vacation.

Now I just need another one.

Vamos a Mexico! See ya next week!

Wow, talk about timing

A good friend just posted this quote on her blog and it could not be more timely for me...

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"

Thanks litlflogr!

I want . . .

I've been struggling with the mom-work-life balance as of late. I'm not sure if the catalyst is the insane travel we have planned this Fall (partly planned in advance, partly as a result of involuntary circumstance--but for good reasons). But the long and short of it is, I want to be more balanced and am at a bit of a loss on how to achieve. The list of wants vs needs is dynamic, as one would expect, but recently I've been feeling stretched to the limits like a pizza dough that's been made too thin. Mostly, I want....

• to be the kind of mom who remembers/considers getting a Halloween costume for my child before being reminded that Halloween is approaching. I mean, last year the only reason E had any Halloween-esque attire is because Grandma kindly thought of the outfit months in advance.
• to have more time to reflect on the kind of mom I am, want to be and practice in real life
• to spend *at least* the same amount of time I do thinking about how to be better in my job and progress in my career as I do thinking about how to be a better mom and how to encourage E's development.
• to really live in the present and not think so much about how the kitchen floor is icky, the cats haven't been fed today, the tomato plants and grass haven't been watered in days, how the long work day has just killed my only workout time today and oh, I have no gas in my car. There's 40 UPS/FedEx packages on the front porch, I haven't been able to get to the banking in days and we leave for our next trip and don't have a rental car/hotel, etc. (seriously, I booked our rental car for Labour Day weekend at 11pm the night before we left).
• but to also think about the future in a different way. Not in a "what do we have to do, what do we have planned, how can we accomplish those things" way; but in a "how will this affect E, how can that help us grow as a family, how can we spend more quality time together" way.

I'm definitely seeing a need evolve here and it certainly involves less outside pressure internalized, fewer outside obligations, blocking out external needs and focusing more on the needs of our family, myself and our marriage (not that anything is wrong, but to be wholly inclusive). I need to say "no" more often and not feel bad about it. I must be better about multi-tasking less (I mean seriously, am I really doing anything better?).

In short, I need to implement simplicity in a way I've never conceived of before. It can no longer be rhetoric. It must be practiced.

Any super-full-time-working-moms out there with some solid advice on how to achieve? Please don't tell me "not to sweat the small stuff." Good message, but some real-life examples of how you did it all would be more helpful. I can't afford a personal assistant, housecleaner or nanny... so if you have some great ideas on how you did it all on your own and worked full-time, I'd be ever-so grateful.

Fall racing season: Is it really for charity?

A friend of mine from law school recently asked me to join her team for the ego-boosting Half Marathon coming up this fall in prime racing season. I've always wanted to do this race for the ridiculous reason of wanting to finally set a PB below 2:30 for a half (I didnt get very far with that goal four years ago when I first started running half marathons). This race is, as many of you know, known for allowing the recreational runner to set PBs because it's so flat and fast.

So, I diligently logged onto the race website with the intention of registering. I was also planning to register for another race I have been thinking of doing for quite some time, the Big Sur Half. Holy expensiveness Batman!! When did the prices to register skyrocket? Is there some special new thing they are doing at these highly commercial events to make it uber attractive for the recreational runner? Or are they succumbing to the take over like the Nike race in San Francisco?

I mean, $95 bucks for the Rock and Roll Half, $85 for the Big Sur and the Nike race isn't even an option unless you're willing to raise approximately $4k for Team in Training (as they've effectively taken hostage of this event unless you win the lottery to get a spot). Geez! I don't think I can afford to run races this fall season, in more ways than one.

First, the buckage (i made that up, pretty sure it's not a word) required to run most of my favorite races and my goal races (ones I haven't done but always planned to) is ridonkulous. Not to mention that I've have to seriously dedicate lots of time and energy to training for these races because I'd feel like I have to justify the cost of the registration fee.

Am I the only one who's noticed this extreme upward trend?

Tell me, have the race organizers done some amazing shiznit in the last two years that I'm not aware of? Have they stopped providing hose water mixed with powder Gatorade at the rest points (like they did at my most unfavorite race) and instead switched to holy water trekked in on donkey backs from the trickling streams of the Sierras? I mean, what is the deal?!

Needless to say, I'm not registering for anything this season that requires a down payment of $80 bucks. I just can't do it. I mean, last time I ran Nike it was $80 for the Half but we got a Tiffany's necklace handed to us by cute men wielding little blue boxes at the finish line. I'm scared to even see what the cost for the Half would be now. Christ Almighty.

Dear Race Organizers--wake up to the fact that not everyone is loaded and able to pay these ridiculous fees. We are in an economic downturn right now and if you truly care about raising money for the charities who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of these races, you might want to re-evaluate the actual cost of putting on these events from a .org perspective. Not a .com one.
Just a thought. . .

The big 1

It's hard to believe that my little E turned 1 on Saturday. Even though many of our closest friends and family arrived at our house for a big Mexican-styled fiesta for the entire afternoon complete with taco man, pinata and kids running amuck. Despite the *extreme* stress pre-party (due largely in part to the vast amount of work that had to be done plus M's mother staying with us the night before--oh what a JOY that was), it was such a wonderful celebration.

And yet I still have to process the fact that my little guy is a one year old. All the signs are there. At his 1-yr doctor appointment, he showed perfect progression, all in good health, just growing beautifully. The doc even made my feelings official by stating that he is a "high energy" child. Um yea.

I have a year's worth of pictures showing him getting bigger and blowing by milestone after milestone. Sitting up, holding his bottle, eating solids, crawling, walking around holding furniture and most recently walking with us holding just one hand. It's amazing.

And then when I put him to bed, asleep so peacefully in my arms and looking every bit the angel he's not during the day, I see the quilt my mom made him with his full birth name and date, I see the plaque another family member gave us with his birthdate and full name... and it's just so wierd.

Several good friends are having or just had their first babies within the past 2 months and baby #2 is on the way for a friend whose son is just 7 weeks older than E (yikes, huh!)... so I know time is marching on. But I almost don't feel ready for it. I want my little baby to be my baby.

But he's not. It's official, he's a toddler. Apparently after they surpass the 12-month mark babies enter toddlerdom. And that is just wierd.

I don't know when it will finally sink in....

Luxury is in the eye of the beholder

I forgot what it felt like to sleep in. And be alone with my husband. And read uninterrupted *not* at night time. And linger over a ridiculous dinner for close to 3 hours. And take a bath at 10am, after sleeping in.

That, my friends, is the new definition of "luxury" for a new momma. And it was friggin' awesome. Thanks to the employment of R's brother at a lovely resort in Sonoma, we were treated to a lovely and amazing 2 days at the Fairmont. Holy mother of all things that are good and pure! And R2 generously requested an upgrade to a huge suite complete with an iced bucket of champage, chocolate-covered strawberries and a handwritten note of congrats for our anniversary. Sweet!

The hotel room was gorgeous and perfectly appointed. The complimentary champage (my fav--Gloria Ferrer Blanc de Noir) and strawberries were so yummy. Then R's brother went ape shit on our dinner. We only ordered the lobster mac & cheese to start and 2 entrees. But R2 decided that a proper dinner starts with an amuse buche (yum), a caviar & cauliflower custard and foie gras before our mac & cheese (I forgot, there were black truffles shavings on top too). Then he sent over the wild, local halibut (out of this WORLD!) with the biggest and sweetest peas known to man, a tender piece of Sonoma pork tenderloin (mmmm) and came out after to see how it was going. All the while, Renee, the sommelier, kept bringing amazing wines she paired with each course... filling us up even more. So when R2 came out to see how we were, I almost waived a white flag. But we decided to soldier on to our entrees with a small request that he scale them back a bit. Thank god he did. But the Maine lobster M ordered was amazing and my red snapper was simply divine.

Then R2 sent over the most amazing sorbet and fresh berries followed by the pastry chef's pot de creme (holy goodness) and three other chocolate desserts that were beyond amazing... and we were D-O-N-E.

I didnt think it was possible for 2 people to eat that much and survive. And then get up and eat again the next day. But we did.

After sleeping in till 9am, the huge tub called to us and since I brought my L'Occitane lavendar bubble bath, we felt like we had spent an hour at the spa. We meandered to breakfast at Big 3 on the property and had a simple and lovely meal there too. And on the recommendation of Renee, we checked out and headed up to Pride Mountain Vineyards. YUM. The only bad part was that we can't afford to roll out with an entire case like we usually do.

In short, we spent 2 luxurious and extremely gluttenous days in Sonoma and came back totally refreshed. That's the best part of a vacation. It gives you the will to push through the rest of the work week (since I came back to work today), albeit a little slower on the uptake. And the memory of the luxury is still fresh enough to make me smile.

So, the biggest shout out to R and R2. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for showing us an amazing time, stretching the outer limits of my stomach and giving us back a piece of something we hadnt seen or experienced in a long time.

Cheers!!

Week 51: A moment of reflection (just a moment)

It's been forever since I posted Elliott's progress by the WEEK. Geez. I can barely calculate the tip on a dinner out. But my weekly tip from parents.com tells me that Elliott turns 51 weeks today. Holy mother of pearl. What happened to the last 50 weeks? Has it really been almost a year??

As EM's baby boy is welcomed to the world, having arrived barely 36 hours ago, it reminds me of all they will be going through in the next three months. As much joy as a new parent experiences then, it's also the hardest three months of the first year in many ways. Totally been said and done, I get that. But one thing they never tell you is that the parents, as a couple, will have another hurdle to overcome at about 9-10 months when all you've been are teammates on this crazy journey (and less romantic partners). How anyone can think of concieving again in that timeframe is beyond me. After the initial relief of surviving those first 9 mos and having a baby who can sit up, hold his bottle, grab snacks, eat finger food and understand "no," one must turn to the issue of the state of the marriage.

Not that it's all bad, but you do have to try and remember what you were like before your lives, as individuals and as a couple, were forced to take second fiddle to that of your new baby. It's a necessary sacrifice ripe with rewards. But taking that time to come back to where you were is something not often talked about.

Anyways.... Week 51 is here (which reminds me that E's birthday party is just one week away, ahh!!). E makes me laugh, reminisce, get frustrated and then feel guilty about getting frustrated all on a daily basis. But you know what? I would not change a thing. I remember being one of those people who couldn't imagine my life with a kid--no more spontaneous travel all over the globe, lingering dinners with M, staying up late with no consequence, etc. But now, as every parent says, I cannot imagine my life without him. The sacrifices are not even sacrifices when I see his little face looking at me with such joy. It's a feeling I've never been able to replicate or explain other that showing you this:




How could anyone say no to that face??

Then parents.com reminded me of what I have to look forward to now that E is entering his 2nd year of life...

Up until now, chances are you were able to distract your baby from things that were off-limits--the VCR, for instance, or his older brother's Lego set--by offering alternatives. But one day soon, he may respond to an attempt to redirect him by turning bright red, falling to the floor, pounding his fists and feet as hard as he can, and screaming loud enough to rattle the windows.
Welcome to the world of the toddler tantrum. Although tantrums are disturbing, try to distance yourself by viewing them as a dramatic performance--your child is using every tool at his disposal to make his displeasure known. Unless you want the performance to repeat itself several times a day, however, don't give in to his demands. Don't spank him or yell at him--just stand there and let him scream himself out without responding. (If you're in a public place, this may be embarrassing, but it really is essential.) After a few minutes, he will calm down. Most important, he will get the message that this particular tool does not do the job, and he'll eventually drop it from his repertoire.

Oh the joy of the tantrum in public.

Moment is over.. E seriously needs his nap now. Practicing for his public tantrum