Thinking outside the box

Lately I've spent time I should be doing something else (like falling asleep, working) daydreaming about the next perfect job. I think I've come up with a few winners... now it's just a matter of researching each option, consulting people in the field and figuring out how to work it into the mix of chaos I currently call my life.

Luckily, with each option I can continue to keep my day job while the "dream job" is still getting its legs. But again, I'm stuck with the problem of how to juggle the dream job, my real job, my family life and managing the home.

For now, it's going to mean hiring babysitters to watch E so we can tend to things 'round the house, sneak a few hours of research in after work and E goes to bed, and take advantage of the times when E is away (which is *rare*... but I do have one weekend coming up) or otherwise being tended to.

Someone once told me I was good at my job (back then I was a lawyer) because I always think outside the box. I'm not sure if it was true back then, but I do feel like that skill/talent/characteristic (?) is surfacing and in a good way.

While I'd like to think I would *love* staying home and being a mom only, I'm fairly certain that in reality I'd want more. Not because I'd be bored (taking care of E is anything but boring!), but because I simply want more for myself. I want an identity outside of being E's mom. I have a friend who decided to quit her job and be a mom. More power to ya. Wish I could afford it, but even if I could. . . Anyways. I called her the other day and got her voicemail. Girlfriend's outgoing message said, (in her husband's voice) "F's mom can't take your call right now. Leave a message." BEEP.

Um.. NO. That is exactly what I do NOT want. I do not want my identity to be "E's mom" only. I do not want to be so lame/lazy/tired/indifferent to the outside world that I allow my husband to leave MY outgoing message and call me E's mom, and not my REAL name.

My visceral reaction to that message, every time I get it, solidifies my belief that I could not (even if we could afford it) be a stay at home mom only. So, I've started thinking outside the box for a "job" I could do that would allow be the greatest flexibility ever, be my own boss, not be stuck adhering to the traditional "business" schedule, have the ability to take time off when/if I want to and incorporate E into my daily routine without it crimping my professional abilities. I'd also like to be paid fairly for my time, but am willing to accept that if I leave Corporate America, there will be a time period for which my earnings will decrease before I realize a gain. And I'd lose my health insurance. Doh.

Sounds like I want it all, and I do. So. . . to find a way, I need to think outside the box.

Damn invisible box.