Sometimes your luck runs out

When I started this blog, I did say it would be no holds barred. So here we go.

When one is lucky enough to become pregnant without really trying and when one is lucky enough to be blessed with a life situation that can accomodate a new baby and a partner who is over the moon about the pregnancy, one may be surprised when one's luck runs out. As did mine this week. M & I were *so* excited for my first prenatal appointment on Monday, we had literally waited with bated breath for 4 weeks for this appointment so we could FINALLY share the good news with the world.

Now, they made sure we understood that we may *not* hear a heartbeat because it's so early, so when we didn't, we weren't too worried. But accompanied by my reduced pregnancy symptoms, my providers felt we had enough justification to order a pre-14 week ultrasound. You can see where this story went.

Needless to say, this week has been one of the toughest of our married life. Not passing the bar the first time--disappointing definitely. Not getting job after job when M is certainly an overly-qualified candidate, if not the most--horribly unfair. But losing our first chance at a baby, along with our hopes, dreams and plans for our life with this baby, is by far the most difficult thing we have had to deal with. Thankfully, M and I have created an incredible internal support system throughout our 14 years together. We don't necessarily rely on our family for advice, support or substantive help in situations like this. We ARE each other's family. So I don't doubt for a minute that we'll make it through this. And we are. But it still REALLY SUCKS.

For now we are comforting ourselves with the knowledge that we have been able to conceive, quite easily so far, and we know for sure now that we want a baby. I'm also happy to report that I've enjoyed a few glasses of delicious wine and they have been immensely helpful. :-) Lastly, having a very close couple who have gone through this same thing exactly 7 weeks prior has been a godsend. No one can really understand what this feels like, especially as a woman, unless you have experienced it first hand. So a million thank you's to our good friends, every last one of them.

I guess the title of this blog still applies. We were almost a party of three. For now though, we remain a party of two, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.