I must have some wierd timer that tells me it's been a month since my last post because here it is, 29 days since my last post and I was compelled to sign on again.
Anyways, Japan is under our belt now and MAN was that a trip. On so many levels. Flight transportation there and back was the roughest 24 hours of my life. Then throw in a 2 hour bus ride to meet my parents & brother at the Ikebukuro train station, then another 30 minutes on the train (and one missed stop and backtrack later), then a 10 minute cab ride to my Grandma's house. Needless to say, E was D-O-N-E as were M and I. It's not entirely surprising how difficult air travel was with him. What can one expect? He's a complete energy ball being forced to confinement for close to 15 hours. It SUCKED like no other. And it's not an experience I am ready to try again for at least 6-9 months. Let it be known that M and I will *not* be taking E on another flight of any kind for at least . . . ok. . . 3 months. But we are definitely not taking him on a long flight until he's . . . 2. Maybe.
The hardest part about travelling is coming home because we royally screwed up E's sleep schedule which means we are going to pay in equal parts. E doesnt sleep, we dont sleep. It's not that we don't want to or are soft and go to him every time he whimpers. He screams in the middle of the night so that one *cannot* possibly sleep. So that took about 1 week to recover from and now, 13 days after returning, he is completely back on his little schedule. And we are all better humans for that.
In other news, today is a good day because I have been reminded of all the people in my life that really care about me. Who hates that?! And I'm also super lucky to have an amazing husband who, despite his innate abilities, tries hard to give me a good birthday. This year, unfortunately, he has to work and since I had to fly home from work at midnight, we didn't see each other and won't until tomorrow. Then M has knee surgery on Thursday. So, my birthday this year won't really be a big celebration (not like it ever is, given it's cursed timing), but it's understandable. At the very least, I'm very grateful to have such a healthy and amazing kid, an awesome husband and friends who take time out of their busy lives to wish me a good one.
So, on that note--till next year! Who knows, I might actually have time over the holidays to reflect a little more (and post).
Merry Christmas, happy holidays and happy new year everyone!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
A month (or year?) in review
I really should own the fact that I do not, and probably will not, devote more than 1 time per month to blog. That said... over the past month much has changed. I don't have time to post it all now, but the short version is:
We've decided to take the plunge and move to a place that is more affordable and just simply an easier place to live. Details when that's closer to finalized, which should be earlier in the new year.
In the spirit of simplifying, I am also in the process of transitioning into a position at my company that will allow me to work 100% from home (unless I'm required to be on site and travel, which will occur far less than now and will be planned at least a couple weeks in advance).
I'm working hard at living in the now, thinking in the now and therefore fulfilling my beliefs by repeatedly thinking and living in the present (and in a positive way). I'm happy about that and think it makes it easier to be a happier person overall.
Travel this fall has made keeping up with life extremely challenging... one more big trip to go. Japan over Thanksgiving to visit many many family members, see my grandfather's grave, visit my grandmother in her care facility, pay homage via a cherished ceremony and dinner with family afterwards. This trip is historical, in our family at least. It's the first time in our entire lives that all 4 of my immediate family members will travel to Japan together. It's M's 2nd trip to Japan and E's first. E is the first and *only* great grandchild in the entire Oshima lineage (and will be until my brother or I have another kid).
So it's a pretty big deal. I'm super excited for this trip (as much as M and I are bearing down for the 11+ hr flight with E) and the good times we'll have.
2009 has been eventful in many ways, but looking back the best times I'll remember are our crazy adventures as a family. Celebrating E's first birthday with our closest friends and family, watching him and his baby friends grow and develop by leaps and bounds, Labour Day in Oklahoma, Nova Scotia to visit family we hadn't seen in a decade (in some cases), Mexico--our first family vacation, and now Japan.
Here's to hoping 2010 is as joyful, full of adventure & travel and fun!
We've decided to take the plunge and move to a place that is more affordable and just simply an easier place to live. Details when that's closer to finalized, which should be earlier in the new year.
In the spirit of simplifying, I am also in the process of transitioning into a position at my company that will allow me to work 100% from home (unless I'm required to be on site and travel, which will occur far less than now and will be planned at least a couple weeks in advance).
I'm working hard at living in the now, thinking in the now and therefore fulfilling my beliefs by repeatedly thinking and living in the present (and in a positive way). I'm happy about that and think it makes it easier to be a happier person overall.
Travel this fall has made keeping up with life extremely challenging... one more big trip to go. Japan over Thanksgiving to visit many many family members, see my grandfather's grave, visit my grandmother in her care facility, pay homage via a cherished ceremony and dinner with family afterwards. This trip is historical, in our family at least. It's the first time in our entire lives that all 4 of my immediate family members will travel to Japan together. It's M's 2nd trip to Japan and E's first. E is the first and *only* great grandchild in the entire Oshima lineage (and will be until my brother or I have another kid).
So it's a pretty big deal. I'm super excited for this trip (as much as M and I are bearing down for the 11+ hr flight with E) and the good times we'll have.
2009 has been eventful in many ways, but looking back the best times I'll remember are our crazy adventures as a family. Celebrating E's first birthday with our closest friends and family, watching him and his baby friends grow and develop by leaps and bounds, Labour Day in Oklahoma, Nova Scotia to visit family we hadn't seen in a decade (in some cases), Mexico--our first family vacation, and now Japan.
Here's to hoping 2010 is as joyful, full of adventure & travel and fun!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Vacation: A comparison
It's a totally normal thing to ask--"how was your vacation!?" with excitement in the voice. I hate to let people down when they ask, but to be honest? Our trip to far eastern Canada was... Hard. Challenging. Exhausting. Mixed in with a bit of family fun.
The truth of the matter is, travelling with a toddler is DAMN hard work. It's supposed to be fun and there are definitely moments when it is. But for the parents, taking the toddler out of the home, the routine, the child-proofed house and flying him 9 hours to the WAY eastern shores of Canada is... well, tough. For everyone involved (including cabin crew, fellow passengers, parents).
Were it not for the beautiful kindness of strangers, I would not have survived the return trip alone. That's right, ALONE. For various annoying reasons, M was not able to get on my flight back from Halifax, so I flew 9 hours (plus transfers) with E alone. M's been telling me his buddies at work told him I should "buck up." Um, F-you. You do not know my kid. He's the kid no one wants to travel with (serves me right for hating travelling with other people's kids all those years). He's loud, he kicks your chair, he wants to touch everything and he doesn't give a fig about TV or other forms of entertainment (except maybe in short 2 minute intervals). So 9 hours alone in a tight, confined, shared space with 150 individuals was TOUGH. We're talking constantly walking the cabin, vertical diaper changes in that tiny-ass lav and LOTS of carrying. (My back still hasn't fully recovered and occasionally spasms)
Then, landing at SFO and having to load up the Bob (stroller), carseat, my GIANT 60 lbs bag, my carry on and another unwieldy bag and drag it on AirBart and to my car and then INSTALL the damn car seat (first time) was the final straw. It nearly brought me to tears. I *almost* called our good friends to have her husband come help me install the seat.
Anyways, our vacation to Canada isnt the sort of trip I'd classify as a vacation. There were no lingering dinners over lovely and amazing food. There were no unplanned stops at wineries. There were no spa appointments or leisurely enjoying a book on the beach. I've come to realize those vacations no longer exist for me (so long as we take E with us).
We take different vacations now. The kind where I walk into our beach cottage and evaluate the risks of each sharp corner, table, brick and glass and try to mitigate potential damages by child-proofing. Barricading doors, fireplaces and dangly glass objects from the curious reach of E. Our daily activities revolve around whether E could tolerate the planned activity for any length of time. (will he jump out of the paddleboat? Would he sit in the stroller long enough to enjoy a nature walk? will he destroy the restaurant?) And meals are now eaten in shifts with one parent typically enjoying a glass of wine and apps alone while the other walks/entertains E in hopes we can all sit down for 10 minutes to enjoy an entree together.
To be honest, M is not to bothered by this. He's not a sit-around-read-a-book kinda guy. When we'd do our thrice-annual trips to Maui, he'd surf, beach comb, do anything but sit and layout with a book. So he's loving have a new little buddy to take along. And I say, more power to ya!!
Thank god I have an amazing dad for a husband. As much as it wasn't relaxing, it was such a joy to see E experience feeding bunny rabbits for the first time, walk the Nova Scotia beaches with Daddy, pick up rocks and point gleefully at the birds, go paddleboating and visit all his family in Timberlea.
As much as I miss the vacations of yesteryear, I am thrilled to experience a new kind of vacation.
Now I just need another one.
Vamos a Mexico! See ya next week!
The truth of the matter is, travelling with a toddler is DAMN hard work. It's supposed to be fun and there are definitely moments when it is. But for the parents, taking the toddler out of the home, the routine, the child-proofed house and flying him 9 hours to the WAY eastern shores of Canada is... well, tough. For everyone involved (including cabin crew, fellow passengers, parents).
Were it not for the beautiful kindness of strangers, I would not have survived the return trip alone. That's right, ALONE. For various annoying reasons, M was not able to get on my flight back from Halifax, so I flew 9 hours (plus transfers) with E alone. M's been telling me his buddies at work told him I should "buck up." Um, F-you. You do not know my kid. He's the kid no one wants to travel with (serves me right for hating travelling with other people's kids all those years). He's loud, he kicks your chair, he wants to touch everything and he doesn't give a fig about TV or other forms of entertainment (except maybe in short 2 minute intervals). So 9 hours alone in a tight, confined, shared space with 150 individuals was TOUGH. We're talking constantly walking the cabin, vertical diaper changes in that tiny-ass lav and LOTS of carrying. (My back still hasn't fully recovered and occasionally spasms)
Then, landing at SFO and having to load up the Bob (stroller), carseat, my GIANT 60 lbs bag, my carry on and another unwieldy bag and drag it on AirBart and to my car and then INSTALL the damn car seat (first time) was the final straw. It nearly brought me to tears. I *almost* called our good friends to have her husband come help me install the seat.
Anyways, our vacation to Canada isnt the sort of trip I'd classify as a vacation. There were no lingering dinners over lovely and amazing food. There were no unplanned stops at wineries. There were no spa appointments or leisurely enjoying a book on the beach. I've come to realize those vacations no longer exist for me (so long as we take E with us).
We take different vacations now. The kind where I walk into our beach cottage and evaluate the risks of each sharp corner, table, brick and glass and try to mitigate potential damages by child-proofing. Barricading doors, fireplaces and dangly glass objects from the curious reach of E. Our daily activities revolve around whether E could tolerate the planned activity for any length of time. (will he jump out of the paddleboat? Would he sit in the stroller long enough to enjoy a nature walk? will he destroy the restaurant?) And meals are now eaten in shifts with one parent typically enjoying a glass of wine and apps alone while the other walks/entertains E in hopes we can all sit down for 10 minutes to enjoy an entree together.
To be honest, M is not to bothered by this. He's not a sit-around-read-a-book kinda guy. When we'd do our thrice-annual trips to Maui, he'd surf, beach comb, do anything but sit and layout with a book. So he's loving have a new little buddy to take along. And I say, more power to ya!!
Thank god I have an amazing dad for a husband. As much as it wasn't relaxing, it was such a joy to see E experience feeding bunny rabbits for the first time, walk the Nova Scotia beaches with Daddy, pick up rocks and point gleefully at the birds, go paddleboating and visit all his family in Timberlea.
As much as I miss the vacations of yesteryear, I am thrilled to experience a new kind of vacation.
Now I just need another one.
Vamos a Mexico! See ya next week!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wow, talk about timing
A good friend just posted this quote on her blog and it could not be more timely for me...
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks litlflogr!
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks litlflogr!
I want . . .
I've been struggling with the mom-work-life balance as of late. I'm not sure if the catalyst is the insane travel we have planned this Fall (partly planned in advance, partly as a result of involuntary circumstance--but for good reasons). But the long and short of it is, I want to be more balanced and am at a bit of a loss on how to achieve. The list of wants vs needs is dynamic, as one would expect, but recently I've been feeling stretched to the limits like a pizza dough that's been made too thin. Mostly, I want....
- to be the kind of mom who remembers/considers getting a Halloween costume for my child before being reminded that Halloween is approaching. I mean, last year the only reason E had any Halloween-esque attire is because Grandma kindly thought of the outfit months in advance.
- to have more time to reflect on the kind of mom I am, want to be and practice in real life
- to spend *at least* the same amount of time I do thinking about how to be better in my job and progress in my career as I do thinking about how to be a better mom and how to encourage E's development.
- to really live in the present and not think so much about how the kitchen floor is icky, the cats haven't been fed today, the tomato plants and grass haven't been watered in days, how the long work day has just killed my only workout time today and oh, I have no gas in my car. There's 40 UPS/FedEx packages on the front porch, I haven't been able to get to the banking in days and we leave for our next trip and don't have a rental car/hotel, etc. (seriously, I booked our rental car for Labour Day weekend at 11pm the night before we left).
- but to also think about the future in a different way. Not in a "what do we have to do, what do we have planned, how can we accomplish those things" way; but in a "how will this affect E, how can that help us grow as a family, how can we spend more quality time together" way.
I'm definitely seeing a need evolve here and it certainly involves less outside pressure internalized, fewer outside obligations, blocking out external needs and focusing more on the needs of our family, myself and our marriage (not that anything is wrong, but to be wholly inclusive). I need to say "no" more often and not feel bad about it. I must be better about multi-tasking less (I mean seriously, am I really doing anything better?).
In short, I need to implement simplicity in a way I've never conceived of before. It can no longer be rhetoric. It must be practiced.
Any super-full-time-working-moms out there with some solid advice on how to achieve? Please don't tell me "not to sweat the small stuff." Good message, but some real-life examples of how you did it all would be more helpful. I can't afford a personal assistant, housecleaner or nanny... so if you have some great ideas on how you did it all on your own and worked full-time, I'd be ever-so grateful.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Fall racing season: Is it really for charity?
A friend of mine from law school recently asked me to join her team for the ego-boosting Half Marathon coming up this fall in prime racing season. I've always wanted to do this race for the ridiculous reason of wanting to finally set a PB below 2:30 for a half (I didnt get very far with that goal four years ago when I first started running half marathons). This race is, as many of you know, known for allowing the recreational runner to set PBs because it's so flat and fast.
So, I diligently logged onto the race website with the intention of registering. I was also planning to register for another race I have been thinking of doing for quite some time, the Big Sur Half. Holy expensiveness Batman!! When did the prices to register skyrocket? Is there some special new thing they are doing at these highly commercial events to make it uber attractive for the recreational runner? Or are they succumbing to the take over like the Nike race in San Francisco?
So, I diligently logged onto the race website with the intention of registering. I was also planning to register for another race I have been thinking of doing for quite some time, the Big Sur Half. Holy expensiveness Batman!! When did the prices to register skyrocket? Is there some special new thing they are doing at these highly commercial events to make it uber attractive for the recreational runner? Or are they succumbing to the take over like the Nike race in San Francisco?
I mean, $95 bucks for the Rock and Roll Half, $85 for the Big Sur and the Nike race isn't even an option unless you're willing to raise approximately $4k for Team in Training (as they've effectively taken hostage of this event unless you win the lottery to get a spot). Geez! I don't think I can afford to run races this fall season, in more ways than one.
First, the buckage (i made that up, pretty sure it's not a word) required to run most of my favorite races and my goal races (ones I haven't done but always planned to) is ridonkulous. Not to mention that I've have to seriously dedicate lots of time and energy to training for these races because I'd feel like I have to justify the cost of the registration fee.
Am I the only one who's noticed this extreme upward trend?
Tell me, have the race organizers done some amazing shiznit in the last two years that I'm not aware of? Have they stopped providing hose water mixed with powder Gatorade at the rest points (like they did at my most unfavorite race) and instead switched to holy water trekked in on donkey backs from the trickling streams of the Sierras? I mean, what is the deal?!
Needless to say, I'm not registering for anything this season that requires a down payment of $80 bucks. I just can't do it. I mean, last time I ran Nike it was $80 for the Half but we got a Tiffany's necklace handed to us by cute men wielding little blue boxes at the finish line. I'm scared to even see what the cost for the Half would be now. Christ Almighty.
Dear Race Organizers--wake up to the fact that not everyone is loaded and able to pay these ridiculous fees. We are in an economic downturn right now and if you truly care about raising money for the charities who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of these races, you might want to re-evaluate the actual cost of putting on these events from a .org perspective. Not a .com one.
Just a thought. . .
Dear Race Organizers--wake up to the fact that not everyone is loaded and able to pay these ridiculous fees. We are in an economic downturn right now and if you truly care about raising money for the charities who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of these races, you might want to re-evaluate the actual cost of putting on these events from a .org perspective. Not a .com one.
Just a thought. . .
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The big 1
It's hard to believe that my little E turned 1 on Saturday. Even though many of our closest friends and family arrived at our house for a big Mexican-styled fiesta for the entire afternoon complete with taco man, pinata and kids running amuck. Despite the *extreme* stress pre-party (due largely in part to the vast amount of work that had to be done plus M's mother staying with us the night before--oh what a JOY that was), it was such a wonderful celebration.
And yet I still have to process the fact that my little guy is a one year old. All the signs are there. At his 1-yr doctor appointment, he showed perfect progression, all in good health, just growing beautifully. The doc even made my feelings official by stating that he is a "high energy" child. Um yea.
I have a year's worth of pictures showing him getting bigger and blowing by milestone after milestone. Sitting up, holding his bottle, eating solids, crawling, walking around holding furniture and most recently walking with us holding just one hand. It's amazing.
And then when I put him to bed, asleep so peacefully in my arms and looking every bit the angel he's not during the day, I see the quilt my mom made him with his full birth name and date, I see the plaque another family member gave us with his birthdate and full name... and it's just so wierd.
Several good friends are having or just had their first babies within the past 2 months and baby #2 is on the way for a friend whose son is just 7 weeks older than E (yikes, huh!)... so I know time is marching on. But I almost don't feel ready for it. I want my little baby to be my baby.
But he's not. It's official, he's a toddler. Apparently after they surpass the 12-month mark babies enter toddlerdom. And that is just wierd.
I don't know when it will finally sink in....
And yet I still have to process the fact that my little guy is a one year old. All the signs are there. At his 1-yr doctor appointment, he showed perfect progression, all in good health, just growing beautifully. The doc even made my feelings official by stating that he is a "high energy" child. Um yea.
I have a year's worth of pictures showing him getting bigger and blowing by milestone after milestone. Sitting up, holding his bottle, eating solids, crawling, walking around holding furniture and most recently walking with us holding just one hand. It's amazing.
And then when I put him to bed, asleep so peacefully in my arms and looking every bit the angel he's not during the day, I see the quilt my mom made him with his full birth name and date, I see the plaque another family member gave us with his birthdate and full name... and it's just so wierd.
Several good friends are having or just had their first babies within the past 2 months and baby #2 is on the way for a friend whose son is just 7 weeks older than E (yikes, huh!)... so I know time is marching on. But I almost don't feel ready for it. I want my little baby to be my baby.
But he's not. It's official, he's a toddler. Apparently after they surpass the 12-month mark babies enter toddlerdom. And that is just wierd.
I don't know when it will finally sink in....
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Luxury is in the eye of the beholder
I forgot what it felt like to sleep in. And be alone with my husband. And read uninterrupted *not* at night time. And linger over a ridiculous dinner for close to 3 hours. And take a bath at 10am, after sleeping in.
That, my friends, is the new definition of "luxury" for a new momma. And it was friggin' awesome. Thanks to the employment of R's brother at a lovely resort in Sonoma, we were treated to a lovely and amazing 2 days at the Fairmont. Holy mother of all things that are good and pure! And R2 generously requested an upgrade to a huge suite complete with an iced bucket of champage, chocolate-covered strawberries and a handwritten note of congrats for our anniversary. Sweet!
The hotel room was gorgeous and perfectly appointed. The complimentary champage (my fav--Gloria Ferrer Blanc de Noir) and strawberries were so yummy. Then R's brother went ape shit on our dinner. We only ordered the lobster mac & cheese to start and 2 entrees. But R2 decided that a proper dinner starts with an amuse buche (yum), a caviar & cauliflower custard and foie gras before our mac & cheese (I forgot, there were black truffles shavings on top too). Then he sent over the wild, local halibut (out of this WORLD!) with the biggest and sweetest peas known to man, a tender piece of Sonoma pork tenderloin (mmmm) and came out after to see how it was going. All the while, Renee, the sommelier, kept bringing amazing wines she paired with each course... filling us up even more. So when R2 came out to see how we were, I almost waived a white flag. But we decided to soldier on to our entrees with a small request that he scale them back a bit. Thank god he did. But the Maine lobster M ordered was amazing and my red snapper was simply divine.
Then R2 sent over the most amazing sorbet and fresh berries followed by the pastry chef's pot de creme (holy goodness) and three other chocolate desserts that were beyond amazing... and we were D-O-N-E.
I didnt think it was possible for 2 people to eat that much and survive. And then get up and eat again the next day. But we did.
After sleeping in till 9am, the huge tub called to us and since I brought my L'Occitane lavendar bubble bath, we felt like we had spent an hour at the spa. We meandered to breakfast at Big 3 on the property and had a simple and lovely meal there too. And on the recommendation of Renee, we checked out and headed up to Pride Mountain Vineyards. YUM. The only bad part was that we can't afford to roll out with an entire case like we usually do.
In short, we spent 2 luxurious and extremely gluttenous days in Sonoma and came back totally refreshed. That's the best part of a vacation. It gives you the will to push through the rest of the work week (since I came back to work today), albeit a little slower on the uptake. And the memory of the luxury is still fresh enough to make me smile.
So, the biggest shout out to R and R2. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for showing us an amazing time, stretching the outer limits of my stomach and giving us back a piece of something we hadnt seen or experienced in a long time.
Cheers!!
That, my friends, is the new definition of "luxury" for a new momma. And it was friggin' awesome. Thanks to the employment of R's brother at a lovely resort in Sonoma, we were treated to a lovely and amazing 2 days at the Fairmont. Holy mother of all things that are good and pure! And R2 generously requested an upgrade to a huge suite complete with an iced bucket of champage, chocolate-covered strawberries and a handwritten note of congrats for our anniversary. Sweet!
The hotel room was gorgeous and perfectly appointed. The complimentary champage (my fav--Gloria Ferrer Blanc de Noir) and strawberries were so yummy. Then R's brother went ape shit on our dinner. We only ordered the lobster mac & cheese to start and 2 entrees. But R2 decided that a proper dinner starts with an amuse buche (yum), a caviar & cauliflower custard and foie gras before our mac & cheese (I forgot, there were black truffles shavings on top too). Then he sent over the wild, local halibut (out of this WORLD!) with the biggest and sweetest peas known to man, a tender piece of Sonoma pork tenderloin (mmmm) and came out after to see how it was going. All the while, Renee, the sommelier, kept bringing amazing wines she paired with each course... filling us up even more. So when R2 came out to see how we were, I almost waived a white flag. But we decided to soldier on to our entrees with a small request that he scale them back a bit. Thank god he did. But the Maine lobster M ordered was amazing and my red snapper was simply divine.
Then R2 sent over the most amazing sorbet and fresh berries followed by the pastry chef's pot de creme (holy goodness) and three other chocolate desserts that were beyond amazing... and we were D-O-N-E.
I didnt think it was possible for 2 people to eat that much and survive. And then get up and eat again the next day. But we did.
After sleeping in till 9am, the huge tub called to us and since I brought my L'Occitane lavendar bubble bath, we felt like we had spent an hour at the spa. We meandered to breakfast at Big 3 on the property and had a simple and lovely meal there too. And on the recommendation of Renee, we checked out and headed up to Pride Mountain Vineyards. YUM. The only bad part was that we can't afford to roll out with an entire case like we usually do.
In short, we spent 2 luxurious and extremely gluttenous days in Sonoma and came back totally refreshed. That's the best part of a vacation. It gives you the will to push through the rest of the work week (since I came back to work today), albeit a little slower on the uptake. And the memory of the luxury is still fresh enough to make me smile.
So, the biggest shout out to R and R2. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for showing us an amazing time, stretching the outer limits of my stomach and giving us back a piece of something we hadnt seen or experienced in a long time.
Cheers!!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Week 51: A moment of reflection (just a moment)
It's been forever since I posted Elliott's progress by the WEEK. Geez. I can barely calculate the tip on a dinner out. But my weekly tip from parents.com tells me that Elliott turns 51 weeks today. Holy mother of pearl. What happened to the last 50 weeks? Has it really been almost a year??
As EM's baby boy is welcomed to the world, having arrived barely 36 hours ago, it reminds me of all they will be going through in the next three months. As much joy as a new parent experiences then, it's also the hardest three months of the first year in many ways. Totally been said and done, I get that. But one thing they never tell you is that the parents, as a couple, will have another hurdle to overcome at about 9-10 months when all you've been are teammates on this crazy journey (and less romantic partners). How anyone can think of concieving again in that timeframe is beyond me. After the initial relief of surviving those first 9 mos and having a baby who can sit up, hold his bottle, grab snacks, eat finger food and understand "no," one must turn to the issue of the state of the marriage.
Not that it's all bad, but you do have to try and remember what you were like before your lives, as individuals and as a couple, were forced to take second fiddle to that of your new baby. It's a necessary sacrifice ripe with rewards. But taking that time to come back to where you were is something not often talked about.
Anyways.... Week 51 is here (which reminds me that E's birthday party is just one week away, ahh!!). E makes me laugh, reminisce, get frustrated and then feel guilty about getting frustrated all on a daily basis. But you know what? I would not change a thing. I remember being one of those people who couldn't imagine my life with a kid--no more spontaneous travel all over the globe, lingering dinners with M, staying up late with no consequence, etc. But now, as every parent says, I cannot imagine my life without him. The sacrifices are not even sacrifices when I see his little face looking at me with such joy. It's a feeling I've never been able to replicate or explain other that showing you this:
How could anyone say no to that face??
As EM's baby boy is welcomed to the world, having arrived barely 36 hours ago, it reminds me of all they will be going through in the next three months. As much joy as a new parent experiences then, it's also the hardest three months of the first year in many ways. Totally been said and done, I get that. But one thing they never tell you is that the parents, as a couple, will have another hurdle to overcome at about 9-10 months when all you've been are teammates on this crazy journey (and less romantic partners). How anyone can think of concieving again in that timeframe is beyond me. After the initial relief of surviving those first 9 mos and having a baby who can sit up, hold his bottle, grab snacks, eat finger food and understand "no," one must turn to the issue of the state of the marriage.
Not that it's all bad, but you do have to try and remember what you were like before your lives, as individuals and as a couple, were forced to take second fiddle to that of your new baby. It's a necessary sacrifice ripe with rewards. But taking that time to come back to where you were is something not often talked about.
Anyways.... Week 51 is here (which reminds me that E's birthday party is just one week away, ahh!!). E makes me laugh, reminisce, get frustrated and then feel guilty about getting frustrated all on a daily basis. But you know what? I would not change a thing. I remember being one of those people who couldn't imagine my life with a kid--no more spontaneous travel all over the globe, lingering dinners with M, staying up late with no consequence, etc. But now, as every parent says, I cannot imagine my life without him. The sacrifices are not even sacrifices when I see his little face looking at me with such joy. It's a feeling I've never been able to replicate or explain other that showing you this:
How could anyone say no to that face??
Then parents.com reminded me of what I have to look forward to now that E is entering his 2nd year of life...
Up until now, chances are you were able to distract your baby from things that were off-limits--the VCR, for instance, or his older brother's Lego set--by offering alternatives. But one day soon, he may respond to an attempt to redirect him by turning bright red, falling to the floor, pounding his fists and feet as hard as he can, and screaming loud enough to rattle the windows.
Welcome to the world of the toddler tantrum. Although tantrums are disturbing, try to distance yourself by viewing them as a dramatic performance--your child is using every tool at his disposal to make his displeasure known. Unless you want the performance to repeat itself several times a day, however, don't give in to his demands. Don't spank him or yell at him--just stand there and let him scream himself out without responding. (If you're in a public place, this may be embarrassing, but it really is essential.) After a few minutes, he will calm down. Most important, he will get the message that this particular tool does not do the job, and he'll eventually drop it from his repertoire.
Oh the joy of the tantrum in public.
Moment is over.. E seriously needs his nap now. Practicing for his public tantrum
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Reading again: Bel Canto book review
Am I the only person on the planet (over 18 included) who is not reading the Twilight series? I don't get it. It's like my aversion to cartoons (and that includes The Family Guy, The Simpson and any other adult-oriented cartoon) and all things sci-fi. I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, that the Twilight series (as did the Harry Potter series) qualifies as sci-fi. As I understand it, it's about teenaged vampires.
I feel bad being so judgmental, it's obviously very popular. But I just can't get on board with teenage vampire love. Just like I couldn't get into pre-teen sorcery.
So, instead, I finally finished one of my many Girls' Book Exchange acquisitions--Bel Canto. And I must say, I was less than impressed. It came highly recommended, as did Ann Patchett's other books, and I was ... quite honestly... bored. It drug on and on and on. Yes, they were held hostage. But for 4 freakin' months? Don't buy it. And then BAM it was over. (Spoiler Alert) All of a sudden, in the last 10 pages, the government busts up the joint, kills all the terrorists and breaks up the love fest. Then 2 of the main characters, who were in love with 2 of the terrorists, end up marrying each other. WTF?!?!
L-A-M-E. In my humble opinion, this is a DUD. Skip it.
I feel bad being so judgmental, it's obviously very popular. But I just can't get on board with teenage vampire love. Just like I couldn't get into pre-teen sorcery.
So, instead, I finally finished one of my many Girls' Book Exchange acquisitions--Bel Canto. And I must say, I was less than impressed. It came highly recommended, as did Ann Patchett's other books, and I was ... quite honestly... bored. It drug on and on and on. Yes, they were held hostage. But for 4 freakin' months? Don't buy it. And then BAM it was over. (Spoiler Alert) All of a sudden, in the last 10 pages, the government busts up the joint, kills all the terrorists and breaks up the love fest. Then 2 of the main characters, who were in love with 2 of the terrorists, end up marrying each other. WTF?!?!
L-A-M-E. In my humble opinion, this is a DUD. Skip it.
The roundup: The quick version
It's obviously been quite awhile since I last posted. No great reason other than general life chaos. Baby sick, husband sick, now I'm sick. Round 1. Now we are in phase 3 of round 2. Good times.
In other, more exciting news, E turns 1 in less than 2 weeks (!) and we're planning a big birthday bash (yay!). Although planning-wise (other than in my head) I have yet to execute some of the major items (food, booze, pinata, cake). I'm really hoping it all comes together in time. I'm also in charge of next month's (August) mom/baby gathering. But since it's the month when 90% of the kids in our group were born, we're doing a huge birthday bash in Central Park with spouses and the older kids too. I am also seriously lacking in getting in together on that front. (but it's all planned out in my head!)
So, I'm feeling a bit underprepared and annoyed that I'm on the verge of getting sick (sore throat, on the tea and vitamin train, going to bed in a few mins). The thing I hate most about being sick is that it's a colossal waste of time.
The other huge bummer? My good friend and co-worker is having her baby as I write this and I probably won't be able to see him for at least a week because I've got this darned bug. And lord knows I won't go near a newborn with anything but perfect health (do unto others as you'd want them to do unto you).
We are seriously in need of a little vacay. And luckily we have a small, teeny tiny break planned for next week in Sonoma to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. For the actual date, we treated ourselves to an *amazing* dinner at Dio Deka in Los Altos. I was so excited to go there as a good Greek friend told me it's her fav "Hellenic" (she said Greek, but they call themselves Hellenic cuisine) place in the Bay Area. That's a lot to live up to. But they did amazing. Every single bite was un-be-lievable. And we topped it off with a lovely bottle of 2005 Justin Isosceles Reserve (from our special shipment ordered in the midst of my pregnancy last year, major wine depravation mode). All in all, awesomeness.
We are looking forward (as long as we're both in good health and E doesn't give us any surprises) to eating equally well at R's brother's restaurant in Sonoma and partaking in some winetasting with a local.
So, here's to hoping that this cold scoots on out pretty quickly here. I mean, come on, I've got Baby Sign class, the D family garage sale this weekend to bust out and my favorite spin class on Sunday to get to!
Cheers to all and have a great week!
In other, more exciting news, E turns 1 in less than 2 weeks (!) and we're planning a big birthday bash (yay!). Although planning-wise (other than in my head) I have yet to execute some of the major items (food, booze, pinata, cake). I'm really hoping it all comes together in time. I'm also in charge of next month's (August) mom/baby gathering. But since it's the month when 90% of the kids in our group were born, we're doing a huge birthday bash in Central Park with spouses and the older kids too. I am also seriously lacking in getting in together on that front. (but it's all planned out in my head!)
So, I'm feeling a bit underprepared and annoyed that I'm on the verge of getting sick (sore throat, on the tea and vitamin train, going to bed in a few mins). The thing I hate most about being sick is that it's a colossal waste of time.
The other huge bummer? My good friend and co-worker is having her baby as I write this and I probably won't be able to see him for at least a week because I've got this darned bug. And lord knows I won't go near a newborn with anything but perfect health (do unto others as you'd want them to do unto you).
We are seriously in need of a little vacay. And luckily we have a small, teeny tiny break planned for next week in Sonoma to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. For the actual date, we treated ourselves to an *amazing* dinner at Dio Deka in Los Altos. I was so excited to go there as a good Greek friend told me it's her fav "Hellenic" (she said Greek, but they call themselves Hellenic cuisine) place in the Bay Area. That's a lot to live up to. But they did amazing. Every single bite was un-be-lievable. And we topped it off with a lovely bottle of 2005 Justin Isosceles Reserve (from our special shipment ordered in the midst of my pregnancy last year, major wine depravation mode). All in all, awesomeness.
We are looking forward (as long as we're both in good health and E doesn't give us any surprises) to eating equally well at R's brother's restaurant in Sonoma and partaking in some winetasting with a local.
So, here's to hoping that this cold scoots on out pretty quickly here. I mean, come on, I've got Baby Sign class, the D family garage sale this weekend to bust out and my favorite spin class on Sunday to get to!
Cheers to all and have a great week!
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Really Goode Job, please VOTE for me!!
Hi all,
I hate solicitations, but I actually do need your votes. Can you please take 30 seconds to click on my video and then enter your email to vote for me? You don't even have to watch the 60 second video I posted... just vote!
I applied for a Really Good Job to bethe Wine & Lifestyle Correspondent for Murphy Goode Winery this Fall. The job is amazing--live the life, write the stories, twitter and facebook about it and generally get people to fall in love the Sonoma and MG wines. Easy, right?
Well, not exactly. I need YOU to PLEASE vote for me. I know, my video is a bit cheesy and not nearly as cool as the other kids. But just because you have a cool vid doesnt mean you can do the job. And I know I'll do it justice. How can you really get people to fall in love with a place you've never lived in??
So VOTE LOCAL! Please?
http://www.areallygoodejob.com/video-view.aspx?vid=s6AcQV2P7E4
I hate solicitations, but I actually do need your votes. Can you please take 30 seconds to click on my video and then enter your email to vote for me? You don't even have to watch the 60 second video I posted... just vote!
I applied for a Really Good Job to bethe Wine & Lifestyle Correspondent for Murphy Goode Winery this Fall. The job is amazing--live the life, write the stories, twitter and facebook about it and generally get people to fall in love the Sonoma and MG wines. Easy, right?
Well, not exactly. I need YOU to PLEASE vote for me. I know, my video is a bit cheesy and not nearly as cool as the other kids. But just because you have a cool vid doesnt mean you can do the job. And I know I'll do it justice. How can you really get people to fall in love with a place you've never lived in??
So VOTE LOCAL! Please?
http://www.areallygoodejob.com/video-view.aspx?vid=s6AcQV2P7E4
Monday, June 8, 2009
I, for one, am looking forward to consistency
in daycare that is. E starts daycare July 1st and unlike other moms and dads, I am looking forward to it. We just averted a child care crisis for tomorrow afternoon because we had nowhere to take E for 3 hours. 3 stinkin' hours. Our babysitter is in Croatia. My go-to stay-at-home mom friend is on vacation, my other SAH mom friend was unreachable. My only other option was to ask my mom to come down a day early... which meant she'd be here Mon-Friday. Need I say more?
Thank god, L's mom saved the day and said she could take him for 3 hours tomorrow. I am eternally grateful and look forward to the day I can be her savior (for day care) as well. Not sure when that'll happen... maybe when she goes back to work?
Nonetheless, I am grateful for good *good* friends who step up when we have no one else and am very excited to see how the consistency of professional daycare will make our lives easier (or at least more manageable).
That is all!
Thank god, L's mom saved the day and said she could take him for 3 hours tomorrow. I am eternally grateful and look forward to the day I can be her savior (for day care) as well. Not sure when that'll happen... maybe when she goes back to work?
Nonetheless, I am grateful for good *good* friends who step up when we have no one else and am very excited to see how the consistency of professional daycare will make our lives easier (or at least more manageable).
That is all!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Trimming the fat is actually kinda fun
With the forthcoming addition of daycare to our list of financial obligations every month, plus our desire to buy a house this year and take care of our yearly tax raping issue, M and I have executed a new family budget and are sticking to it (this time).
This has meant trimming the fat on all unnecessary expenditures and I gotta say, it's having quite the positive effect. I like knowing exactly how much I'm supposed to spend on lunches each week. I kinda like bringing my lunch on Thursdays because I know I'm eating healthier and I'm getting work done during my lunch now (with the small exception of posting right now). I'm budgeting my time better too and carving out much-needed time to hit the gym. That's gotta help trim the fat on my waistline (stay tuned for updates).
And I was just introduced to a cool site that posts fun, cheap stuff to do in the Bay Area. Woot! I'm loving looking at all the fun stuff we can do as a family and not spend a lot of money.
Finally, we've instituted mandatory monthly "family only" weekends during which we have NO plans with other folks and spend the entire weekend doing whatever the hell we want. Hopefully that won't include chores and bill paying (although to a certain extent it's a necessary evil), but we are looking forward to tending to the summer garden, playing with elliott in the backyard, going on family bike rides with our new (to us at least) pimped kid bike trailer, etc.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what benefits we'll reap (financially, emotionally, as a family) in the next few months. Hopefully we will be able to get that house we desperately need by Nov 30th and hopefully I'll lose those last few pounds before Elliott turns 1 (like I desperately need).
Here's to trimming the fat, yippee!
This has meant trimming the fat on all unnecessary expenditures and I gotta say, it's having quite the positive effect. I like knowing exactly how much I'm supposed to spend on lunches each week. I kinda like bringing my lunch on Thursdays because I know I'm eating healthier and I'm getting work done during my lunch now (with the small exception of posting right now). I'm budgeting my time better too and carving out much-needed time to hit the gym. That's gotta help trim the fat on my waistline (stay tuned for updates).
And I was just introduced to a cool site that posts fun, cheap stuff to do in the Bay Area. Woot! I'm loving looking at all the fun stuff we can do as a family and not spend a lot of money.
Finally, we've instituted mandatory monthly "family only" weekends during which we have NO plans with other folks and spend the entire weekend doing whatever the hell we want. Hopefully that won't include chores and bill paying (although to a certain extent it's a necessary evil), but we are looking forward to tending to the summer garden, playing with elliott in the backyard, going on family bike rides with our new (to us at least) pimped kid bike trailer, etc.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what benefits we'll reap (financially, emotionally, as a family) in the next few months. Hopefully we will be able to get that house we desperately need by Nov 30th and hopefully I'll lose those last few pounds before Elliott turns 1 (like I desperately need).
Here's to trimming the fat, yippee!
Friday, May 29, 2009
New life, new rules
I've been made aware, forcefully in some respects, that my new life does (and must) encompass a new set of rules. This wasn't something I was completely prepared for, but over time I've adjusted to it. I thought I was adjusting well. For example, I've become quite the planner now (if it's possible to plan more than I did before)--always having to think 10 steps ahead and anticipate every possible need/roadblock/want for E. I've acquired new skills and even more importantly, new friends. My new friends (who are also moms) have become my lifeline. We support each other, understand what life is like at this stage and hold realistic expectations of each other as we grow into our new roles.
The flip side of that is that I have lost friends too. It's unfortunate, but I understand that that too was a necessary evil. Learning and adapting to my new role in life is tough, but doing so while managing our home & lives, maintaining and thriving in my job and progressing on our goals has proven to be extremely overwhelming. Unfortunately that has meant that I'm more forgetful, I'm constantly moving at the speed of light (my husband calls me "the tornado" now) and unfortunately, I can't be present in quite the same capacity in other areas of my former life. I am constantly struggling with the feeling that my plate is too full, I can't handle it all.
I've posted about this before, but I feel an urgent need to significantly simplify my life in order to manage what I do have going on successfully. And like many other moms, struggle, almost daily, with a proper balance between work, life, love, friends and children.
There's no real point here... I guess the take-home lesson has been, "win some, lose some." Too bad it can't be all winning....
The flip side of that is that I have lost friends too. It's unfortunate, but I understand that that too was a necessary evil. Learning and adapting to my new role in life is tough, but doing so while managing our home & lives, maintaining and thriving in my job and progressing on our goals has proven to be extremely overwhelming. Unfortunately that has meant that I'm more forgetful, I'm constantly moving at the speed of light (my husband calls me "the tornado" now) and unfortunately, I can't be present in quite the same capacity in other areas of my former life. I am constantly struggling with the feeling that my plate is too full, I can't handle it all.
I've posted about this before, but I feel an urgent need to significantly simplify my life in order to manage what I do have going on successfully. And like many other moms, struggle, almost daily, with a proper balance between work, life, love, friends and children.
There's no real point here... I guess the take-home lesson has been, "win some, lose some." Too bad it can't be all winning....
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Thinking outside the box
Lately I've spent time I should be doing something else (like falling asleep, working) daydreaming about the next perfect job. I think I've come up with a few winners... now it's just a matter of researching each option, consulting people in the field and figuring out how to work it into the mix of chaos I currently call my life.
Luckily, with each option I can continue to keep my day job while the "dream job" is still getting its legs. But again, I'm stuck with the problem of how to juggle the dream job, my real job, my family life and managing the home.
For now, it's going to mean hiring babysitters to watch E so we can tend to things 'round the house, sneak a few hours of research in after work and E goes to bed, and take advantage of the times when E is away (which is *rare*... but I do have one weekend coming up) or otherwise being tended to.
Someone once told me I was good at my job (back then I was a lawyer) because I always think outside the box. I'm not sure if it was true back then, but I do feel like that skill/talent/characteristic (?) is surfacing and in a good way.
While I'd like to think I would *love* staying home and being a mom only, I'm fairly certain that in reality I'd want more. Not because I'd be bored (taking care of E is anything but boring!), but because I simply want more for myself. I want an identity outside of being E's mom. I have a friend who decided to quit her job and be a mom. More power to ya. Wish I could afford it, but even if I could. . . Anyways. I called her the other day and got her voicemail. Girlfriend's outgoing message said, (in her husband's voice) "F's mom can't take your call right now. Leave a message." BEEP.
Um.. NO. That is exactly what I do NOT want. I do not want my identity to be "E's mom" only. I do not want to be so lame/lazy/tired/indifferent to the outside world that I allow my husband to leave MY outgoing message and call me E's mom, and not my REAL name.
My visceral reaction to that message, every time I get it, solidifies my belief that I could not (even if we could afford it) be a stay at home mom only. So, I've started thinking outside the box for a "job" I could do that would allow be the greatest flexibility ever, be my own boss, not be stuck adhering to the traditional "business" schedule, have the ability to take time off when/if I want to and incorporate E into my daily routine without it crimping my professional abilities. I'd also like to be paid fairly for my time, but am willing to accept that if I leave Corporate America, there will be a time period for which my earnings will decrease before I realize a gain. And I'd lose my health insurance. Doh.
Sounds like I want it all, and I do. So. . . to find a way, I need to think outside the box.
Damn invisible box.
Luckily, with each option I can continue to keep my day job while the "dream job" is still getting its legs. But again, I'm stuck with the problem of how to juggle the dream job, my real job, my family life and managing the home.
For now, it's going to mean hiring babysitters to watch E so we can tend to things 'round the house, sneak a few hours of research in after work and E goes to bed, and take advantage of the times when E is away (which is *rare*... but I do have one weekend coming up) or otherwise being tended to.
Someone once told me I was good at my job (back then I was a lawyer) because I always think outside the box. I'm not sure if it was true back then, but I do feel like that skill/talent/characteristic (?) is surfacing and in a good way.
While I'd like to think I would *love* staying home and being a mom only, I'm fairly certain that in reality I'd want more. Not because I'd be bored (taking care of E is anything but boring!), but because I simply want more for myself. I want an identity outside of being E's mom. I have a friend who decided to quit her job and be a mom. More power to ya. Wish I could afford it, but even if I could. . . Anyways. I called her the other day and got her voicemail. Girlfriend's outgoing message said, (in her husband's voice) "F's mom can't take your call right now. Leave a message." BEEP.
Um.. NO. That is exactly what I do NOT want. I do not want my identity to be "E's mom" only. I do not want to be so lame/lazy/tired/indifferent to the outside world that I allow my husband to leave MY outgoing message and call me E's mom, and not my REAL name.
My visceral reaction to that message, every time I get it, solidifies my belief that I could not (even if we could afford it) be a stay at home mom only. So, I've started thinking outside the box for a "job" I could do that would allow be the greatest flexibility ever, be my own boss, not be stuck adhering to the traditional "business" schedule, have the ability to take time off when/if I want to and incorporate E into my daily routine without it crimping my professional abilities. I'd also like to be paid fairly for my time, but am willing to accept that if I leave Corporate America, there will be a time period for which my earnings will decrease before I realize a gain. And I'd lose my health insurance. Doh.
Sounds like I want it all, and I do. So. . . to find a way, I need to think outside the box.
Damn invisible box.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Language barrier or something else?
So, I had my second fight with my mom since she started taking care of E last December (however it is the second one since Easter, so a bit close for comfort). For those of you who know my mother and my history with her, you know that's quite a feat. But that's neither here nor there. . .
I'm trying to process what the hell happened. How it got started and why she got so upset. And I'm having a hard time deciding whether the root of the problem is the language barrier, a cultural difference, an interpretation issue or simply the situation at hand. Starting with the latter, M raised a good point--saying that in a situation like ours (my mom is taking care of E without pay--just the cost of her commute/costs incurred), it is inevitable that she would feel she a lack of gratitude. She's working for free, ultimately, to help us. Sure, we do everything we can to make it easier for her--cook for her, clean up after her, buy whatever she needs here, etc. But at the end of the day, she's not collecting a paycheck. So no matter how many times we thank her, express our gratitude, working for free (no matter what one may think their reaction would be) can, and probably will, result in her feeling like we take her for granted. (which we don't!)
At the same time, I have a deeply held belief that when there is a disagreement, each party should have an opportunity to express their thoughts, feelings, etc and be heard. Without interruption and completely. Then the other party should be give the chance to process and respond. Maybe it's the lawyer in me. But more than that, I feel it's only fair for each side to be heard--fully and completely--so both sides can hear (if not listen) and perhaps understand.
The problem tonight (and with my parents in general) is that they *loudly* express their thoughts and problems with the situation--and I listen--but when it's my turn to respond, they interrupt and say "No, that's enough. Just stop. We aren't discussing this anymore."
UM. NO. I am not 16 anymore, you do NOT get to decide when the conversation is over. I heard you, listened to you, asked you clarifying questions regarding your position, and now YOU will hear me.
Sadly, when someone decides they are not going to hear, let alone listen, it's not gonna happen. Especially when they storm out the door.
So, what is one to do?
Luckily, I have one sane parent. In explaining this to him after he cooled down and returned to the house, he said, "yup you're right. I cant just listen when I disagree." And, "no, you're right, it's not entirely fair."
But ultimately, when dealing with my mother--I do wonder what the underlying cause is. I know it's not the gratitude. That's a symptom of the situation that can't totally be fixed. I do think it's a toss up between the language barrier and a cultural difference. While she cannot apologize (never has and never will), cannot admit she is wrong (same) and rarely expresses gratitude herself to others--she fully expects those things from others.
I really struggle with that. I have a hard time reconciling what I know about her with how she acts. Even though I know better.
Damn rock. Damn hard place.
I'm trying to process what the hell happened. How it got started and why she got so upset. And I'm having a hard time deciding whether the root of the problem is the language barrier, a cultural difference, an interpretation issue or simply the situation at hand. Starting with the latter, M raised a good point--saying that in a situation like ours (my mom is taking care of E without pay--just the cost of her commute/costs incurred), it is inevitable that she would feel she a lack of gratitude. She's working for free, ultimately, to help us. Sure, we do everything we can to make it easier for her--cook for her, clean up after her, buy whatever she needs here, etc. But at the end of the day, she's not collecting a paycheck. So no matter how many times we thank her, express our gratitude, working for free (no matter what one may think their reaction would be) can, and probably will, result in her feeling like we take her for granted. (which we don't!)
At the same time, I have a deeply held belief that when there is a disagreement, each party should have an opportunity to express their thoughts, feelings, etc and be heard. Without interruption and completely. Then the other party should be give the chance to process and respond. Maybe it's the lawyer in me. But more than that, I feel it's only fair for each side to be heard--fully and completely--so both sides can hear (if not listen) and perhaps understand.
The problem tonight (and with my parents in general) is that they *loudly* express their thoughts and problems with the situation--and I listen--but when it's my turn to respond, they interrupt and say "No, that's enough. Just stop. We aren't discussing this anymore."
UM. NO. I am not 16 anymore, you do NOT get to decide when the conversation is over. I heard you, listened to you, asked you clarifying questions regarding your position, and now YOU will hear me.
Sadly, when someone decides they are not going to hear, let alone listen, it's not gonna happen. Especially when they storm out the door.
So, what is one to do?
Luckily, I have one sane parent. In explaining this to him after he cooled down and returned to the house, he said, "yup you're right. I cant just listen when I disagree." And, "no, you're right, it's not entirely fair."
But ultimately, when dealing with my mother--I do wonder what the underlying cause is. I know it's not the gratitude. That's a symptom of the situation that can't totally be fixed. I do think it's a toss up between the language barrier and a cultural difference. While she cannot apologize (never has and never will), cannot admit she is wrong (same) and rarely expresses gratitude herself to others--she fully expects those things from others.
I really struggle with that. I have a hard time reconciling what I know about her with how she acts. Even though I know better.
Damn rock. Damn hard place.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The billable mom
My short stint as an attorney haunted me last night as I was trying to fall asleep. . . I got to wondering--if I billed my time now (in 6 min increments) what would an average day look like?
~630-800am
.10 slowly wake to the sounds of a delighted 9 mos old chatting with himself in a very wet diaper
.20 change wet diaper, warm bottle, feed bottle
.30 hang with happy baby in bed with happy husband and sleepy kitties
Then the day starts. . .
~8-830
.30 feed E breakfast, make coffee, fix my own breakfast
.10 check blackberry for any emergency emails that need immediate answering. If yes, head down to the office. If no, drink coffee while cleaning up after breakfast
~830
1.0 work in home office, prepare for day with clients
1.0 commute to City
1.5 work with clients, meetings
~12noon
1.10 lunch with friends
~130
1.5-2.5 client meetings
~330/4
1.0 commute down peninsula
~4/445pm
.30 errands on the way home
.20 commute home
~5/530pm
.20 hug & kiss my son after dropping my crap at the door
.20 play with E, who is exuberant to see mommy
.10 consider going to the gym
~6-7pm
1.0 hit the gym
OR
dinner for E, prep dinner for us, rub a dub with E, story time with E, bed time....
~8pm
1.0 prep and eat dinner with mom and husband
~9-10/11
1.0-2.0--either banking/emails during TV, working with wine, laundry, cleaning up or passing out. Depends on the day.
~10/11
blissfully hit the hay.
Doesnt sound that bad when I see it written out. How come living it is so much harder? Kind of reminds me of when I'd look at DTE (for non-lawyers, the billable hour/timekeeping system), I'd see days with 8.0 and think "huh, that's all I billed that day?" I'd also see days that read "14.2" or at my worst "17.0" and think--"yeah, that explains why I'm so tired, have no food in the house, havent seen my husband, forgot to leave a check for the housecleaner, found 6 UPS delivery notices on the house door, etc."
I guess it's a lot easier to digest when it's just a number on a screen. When you're living those hours, it's a different story. If I digress from the above schedule at all, ie if someone is sick (worse if it's me), if I want to have some *gasp* down time, or am more busy than usual at work--all of that is thrown out of whack and it seems like recovery is impossible.
So, I ask. . . what do we do then? Back in the day, when faced with the choice of sleeping or eating (when E was about 2-3 mos old), I always chose sleep. Now, I don't have that luxury.
I'm convinced now that if I could bill my mom time and my work time to my former clients, I'd be set for retirement by the time I'm 40. Ahh to dream.
Back to work. . .
~630-800am
.10 slowly wake to the sounds of a delighted 9 mos old chatting with himself in a very wet diaper
.20 change wet diaper, warm bottle, feed bottle
.30 hang with happy baby in bed with happy husband and sleepy kitties
Then the day starts. . .
~8-830
.30 feed E breakfast, make coffee, fix my own breakfast
.10 check blackberry for any emergency emails that need immediate answering. If yes, head down to the office. If no, drink coffee while cleaning up after breakfast
~830
1.0 work in home office, prepare for day with clients
1.0 commute to City
1.5 work with clients, meetings
~12noon
1.10 lunch with friends
~130
1.5-2.5 client meetings
~330/4
1.0 commute down peninsula
~4/445pm
.30 errands on the way home
.20 commute home
~5/530pm
.20 hug & kiss my son after dropping my crap at the door
.20 play with E, who is exuberant to see mommy
.10 consider going to the gym
~6-7pm
1.0 hit the gym
OR
dinner for E, prep dinner for us, rub a dub with E, story time with E, bed time....
~8pm
1.0 prep and eat dinner with mom and husband
~9-10/11
1.0-2.0--either banking/emails during TV, working with wine, laundry, cleaning up or passing out. Depends on the day.
~10/11
blissfully hit the hay.
Doesnt sound that bad when I see it written out. How come living it is so much harder? Kind of reminds me of when I'd look at DTE (for non-lawyers, the billable hour/timekeeping system), I'd see days with 8.0 and think "huh, that's all I billed that day?" I'd also see days that read "14.2" or at my worst "17.0" and think--"yeah, that explains why I'm so tired, have no food in the house, havent seen my husband, forgot to leave a check for the housecleaner, found 6 UPS delivery notices on the house door, etc."
I guess it's a lot easier to digest when it's just a number on a screen. When you're living those hours, it's a different story. If I digress from the above schedule at all, ie if someone is sick (worse if it's me), if I want to have some *gasp* down time, or am more busy than usual at work--all of that is thrown out of whack and it seems like recovery is impossible.
So, I ask. . . what do we do then? Back in the day, when faced with the choice of sleeping or eating (when E was about 2-3 mos old), I always chose sleep. Now, I don't have that luxury.
I'm convinced now that if I could bill my mom time and my work time to my former clients, I'd be set for retirement by the time I'm 40. Ahh to dream.
Back to work. . .
Monday, May 11, 2009
Working moms... that phrase should be separated
into two separate nouns/jobs. I'm finding it exceedingly difficult to "work" and be a "mom." For the past couple months, but even more so in the last 2 weeks, I've become bogged down by the stress of trying to gear up for my busiest work season, return from our psuedo-vacation, and be a mom/wife/house manager.
Really, I need a personal assistant/housecleaner/errand runner to help manage the Dixon household these days. If I could, I would pay this person a pretty penny.
OR, stay home myself.
Seriously, I never thought I would ever consider being a "stay at home mom," but these days--I'm feeling like that job and job title are not entirely fair. Admittedly, some stay at home moms get to shop, have nannies, housecleaners, car washers, errand runners and personal trainers. However, in my case that would mean I would continue to do all the stuff I already do (manage the household finances, grocery shop, cook, clean, fire up the troops for household cleaning, manage the pets, vacation/social scheduling, manage correspondence with family/friends/outside world and TRY to work out) and also add on the *huge* job of taking care of E. In return, I'd get to let go of my full-time work responsibilities (ahh, Calgon, take me away!!!) and feel better about doing a better job on both fronts. My (former) clients would get a rep who'd take as good (or better) care of them than I currently can and my son would get a mom who is actually present mentally, emotionally and physically when with him.
The biggest problem with this plan, as with all others that sound too good to be true, is that it is. We simply cannot afford for me not to work right now.
And so the struggle continues.....
Until then, we are conducting a MAJOR overhaul of the Dixon household--leaving no stone uncovered. Every nook, cranny, bill, duty, thought, to-do, expense item, income item, etc will be making its way into a spreadsheet for analysis on how to simplify our lives. There is simply not enough time for us to continue on with life status quo. For the time being, TV and the NY Times on weekends has been cut. What else must go... remains to be seen.
Advice solicited and welcome.
Really, I need a personal assistant/housecleaner/errand runner to help manage the Dixon household these days. If I could, I would pay this person a pretty penny.
OR, stay home myself.
Seriously, I never thought I would ever consider being a "stay at home mom," but these days--I'm feeling like that job and job title are not entirely fair. Admittedly, some stay at home moms get to shop, have nannies, housecleaners, car washers, errand runners and personal trainers. However, in my case that would mean I would continue to do all the stuff I already do (manage the household finances, grocery shop, cook, clean, fire up the troops for household cleaning, manage the pets, vacation/social scheduling, manage correspondence with family/friends/outside world and TRY to work out) and also add on the *huge* job of taking care of E. In return, I'd get to let go of my full-time work responsibilities (ahh, Calgon, take me away!!!) and feel better about doing a better job on both fronts. My (former) clients would get a rep who'd take as good (or better) care of them than I currently can and my son would get a mom who is actually present mentally, emotionally and physically when with him.
The biggest problem with this plan, as with all others that sound too good to be true, is that it is. We simply cannot afford for me not to work right now.
And so the struggle continues.....
Until then, we are conducting a MAJOR overhaul of the Dixon household--leaving no stone uncovered. Every nook, cranny, bill, duty, thought, to-do, expense item, income item, etc will be making its way into a spreadsheet for analysis on how to simplify our lives. There is simply not enough time for us to continue on with life status quo. For the time being, TV and the NY Times on weekends has been cut. What else must go... remains to be seen.
Advice solicited and welcome.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, new and experienced
Today I am celebrating my first mother's day. And yet it started off like every other day--waking to the sound of my son thumping his feet loudly against the mattress of his crib, eagerly awaiting the arrival of mommy or daddy to start his day. The smile on that kid's face when we change that first morning diaper is like he's celebrating every single day, which only reminds me even more that I am lucky and blessed to have him in my life and a husband who adores us both more than anything in the world.
It also gives me pause to think about how different my mornings are now from just one year ago. One year ago I was pregnant (of course) and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little boy. But I was also sleeping in, reading the Sunday Times, gently rubbing my belly thinking about how different our lives will be in a few months, etc. Never did I imagine how correct that assumption would be!
It's funny how the cliches are true:
- Motherhood is the best and most challenging job one may ever have--check!
- Despite all the hard times raising a human being from scratch, I'd never go back to my life without him--check!
And on.
Don't get me wrong--do I miss sleeping in? yup. Do I miss working out without watching the clock and thinking I should get back home? yup. Did I read BT's blog entry about her uber relaxing vacay in Anguilla and think "holy shit that sounds awesome..." but also "those kinds of vacay are a long way off for us"--yup.
But look at this face--i mean, come on!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I know, I suck at updating
It has been much too long since my last post. But post-baby, return-to-work me hasnt found the time or will to dedicate to updating my blog. Obviously new motherhood is a good excuse, but not an entire pardon. More recently it's my participation in Facebook that had effectively ended my blogging.
While I'd like to promise that things will change, at the moment M and I are struggling with lack of time, too much stress, too much clutter, too much to do and generally too much of everything EXCEPT relaxation and are making a very concerted effort to reverse that trend. Getting sick every 3-4 weeks, constantly feeling behind on life/home/work, feeling like we can either be good parents OR be good employees but not both at the same time, etc is exhausting . . . so we are on the path to changing that.
Any new parents out there (both working full time) have suggestions? We'd like to have it all--fulfilling jobs, be wonderful, present, dedicated parents, travel, have a semblance of a social life and make progress on our financial goals..... but are really questioning whether that is possible? Are we delusional or simply overreaching?
While I'd like to promise that things will change, at the moment M and I are struggling with lack of time, too much stress, too much clutter, too much to do and generally too much of everything EXCEPT relaxation and are making a very concerted effort to reverse that trend. Getting sick every 3-4 weeks, constantly feeling behind on life/home/work, feeling like we can either be good parents OR be good employees but not both at the same time, etc is exhausting . . . so we are on the path to changing that.
Any new parents out there (both working full time) have suggestions? We'd like to have it all--fulfilling jobs, be wonderful, present, dedicated parents, travel, have a semblance of a social life and make progress on our financial goals..... but are really questioning whether that is possible? Are we delusional or simply overreaching?
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