Hm. Now that I think of it, perhaps I understated our gift situation. We did get and give some pretty cool gifts. For my birthday, or part of it, M took me to Kooza in the city on Friday night, Tapis Rouge style. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Maybe it was because I've never seen a Cirque du Soleil production before, but I was seriously in awe the entire time.
My personal favs were the super-stretchy contortionist trio, who rocked it every which way to Sunday and the Wheel of Death guys. You could tell they got a serious high (and ego boost) from that performance. It was awesome. I also thought the "chorus" folks (or whatever the acrobat version of that term may be) were unbelievable!
I'm glad we splurged for the Tapis Rouge as well. Cuz there ain't nothing like seeing some trippy Cirque du Soleil acrobats with a glass of red wine in my hands and some yummy appetizers and desserts in my belly. Plus we had reserved parking (which turned out to be key because the Emerald Bowl was at At&t park that same night) and our own little VIP area to pee and escape the crowds. Emphasis on "own place to pee."
If you do have the chance to see this show before it leaves the Bay Area, I highly recommend it. It's quite a steal, especially since most of the time you have to go to Vegas to see it and pay for a hotel or whatnot during your stay, and it's just so effin' cool.
And funny side note: we once again ran into a couple we know for the 3rd time, completely randomly, in at least 4 months. The guy, V, I used to work with at Big Law firm A. He's now dating a woman who, for the past 3 events we've seen her at, never really spoke to us directly, even when spoken to. And Friday, for some reason, she hugged us both when we saw each other at the Tapis Rouge tent and conversed normally. Hm. Odd.
M chalked it up to "maybe the last few times we saw them they had just had a fight or something." I dunno. It was just wierd. It's even wierder that we keep running into them at places we have in common--Cal football games (pre-game or at the actual game) and events like Kooza. But then again, the legal community in the Bay Area is quite small and three of the four of us are lawyers. And V does love to talk up the pilot business with M. So it's all good.
Wintermute, I hope you start feeling better soon! BT, good to see you both tonight.
Salute!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Happy holidays indeed
Like BT, this is the most drama-free and pleasant holiday season we've had to date. We went to the Sacramento area for 3 days and barely left my parent's house during daylight hours except to go to lunch at this new fabulous restaurant in town with my family for my birthday. We biked around Folsom Lake, I made cookies for a twin-carrying pregnant friend who has been on bedrest for 8 weeks, I also made homemade pasta & bolognese sauce for Christmas Eve. My mom made a yummy sukiyaki dish for Christmas dinner which we enjoyed with M's mom and her husband (who again behaved himself!). Then I served a delightfully light dessert on Christmas night to round out the nice & light Japanese dinner. We read books & newspapers, went to a movie, shared our Japan pictures, swapped stories, etc. All in all, it was a refreshing break from tradition (no turkey, no crazy presents, and no DRAMA!)
It's almost unbelievable how smooth things went. Especially considering [1] last year's horrific Christmas with M's father's side of the family in Florida and [2] the history between me & M and our crazy mothers.
On top of it all, M and I recieved some very cool gifts (mine were a mix of birthday and Christmas presents and this year it totally worked out!). M got the cold weather biking/running gear he wanted, I recieved the awesome-est vaccuum cleaner EVAR, my sweet brother gave me a gorgeous collection of L'Occitane stuff (all in lavendar because he's been reading my blog, doh!). And M and I, while deciding not to get each other traditional Christmas gifts, just purchased our combined Christmas gift yesterday. Of course he and G spent half the day installing it and connecting all our gear (meaning crap like an Xbox, DVD player and a reciever we've had in our garage for months but couldn't use because our old TV had *literally* one cable plug in the back of it).
Funny story: My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. We don't need anything really, but just so she had something to look for ('cuz she loves that), I told her I wanted a set red wine glasses and champagne flutes. Y'all know, if you've been to our house and drank wine (and who hasn't?!) that we commonly use tasting glasses from wineries. One, because we are aware that wine glasses break all the time. And two, because we don't have anything in between tasting glasses and crystal from our wedding to serve wine in.
So, she goes and gets them. Searches high and low for red wine glasses (although they are technically from my brother, but because he flew up here for Christmas, my mom "helped" with this shopping a bit). And she finally finds what I'm looking for . . . Red-COLORED wine glasses. No joke. And red-COLORED champagne flutes. You should have seen my face when I opened the box. Total confusion. HUH? BT's mom would have loved these, they were so festive. For Christmas. But for everyday drinking glasses? Not so much.
Clearly my mom isn't a wine drinker. M's mom thought it was hilarious. She was like, "oh geez, I coulda told you that's not what she was lookin' for!"
In any case, cheers! Hope you all have a perfect NYE, whether that be rockin' it Times Square style or layin' low with close friends at a small house gathering.
Looking forward to a great 2008!
It's almost unbelievable how smooth things went. Especially considering [1] last year's horrific Christmas with M's father's side of the family in Florida and [2] the history between me & M and our crazy mothers.
On top of it all, M and I recieved some very cool gifts (mine were a mix of birthday and Christmas presents and this year it totally worked out!). M got the cold weather biking/running gear he wanted, I recieved the awesome-est vaccuum cleaner EVAR, my sweet brother gave me a gorgeous collection of L'Occitane stuff (all in lavendar because he's been reading my blog, doh!). And M and I, while deciding not to get each other traditional Christmas gifts, just purchased our combined Christmas gift yesterday. Of course he and G spent half the day installing it and connecting all our gear (meaning crap like an Xbox, DVD player and a reciever we've had in our garage for months but couldn't use because our old TV had *literally* one cable plug in the back of it).
Funny story: My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. We don't need anything really, but just so she had something to look for ('cuz she loves that), I told her I wanted a set red wine glasses and champagne flutes. Y'all know, if you've been to our house and drank wine (and who hasn't?!) that we commonly use tasting glasses from wineries. One, because we are aware that wine glasses break all the time. And two, because we don't have anything in between tasting glasses and crystal from our wedding to serve wine in.
So, she goes and gets them. Searches high and low for red wine glasses (although they are technically from my brother, but because he flew up here for Christmas, my mom "helped" with this shopping a bit). And she finally finds what I'm looking for . . . Red-COLORED wine glasses. No joke. And red-COLORED champagne flutes. You should have seen my face when I opened the box. Total confusion. HUH? BT's mom would have loved these, they were so festive. For Christmas. But for everyday drinking glasses? Not so much.
Clearly my mom isn't a wine drinker. M's mom thought it was hilarious. She was like, "oh geez, I coulda told you that's not what she was lookin' for!"
In any case, cheers! Hope you all have a perfect NYE, whether that be rockin' it Times Square style or layin' low with close friends at a small house gathering.
Looking forward to a great 2008!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini)
I just finished this book and absolutely loved it. If you read Kite Runner by the same author and felt slighted, fear not. This book is far better than its predecessor. I'll edit out my spoiler comments (I keep a running log of my thoughts of books I've read on the previously-mentioned Book Challenge list I have).
THIS BOOK IS AMAZING. I wasn't able to put this book down; a good sign when I can't turn out the light at 2am because I need to know what happens with the characters. This book is a tale of two women’s lives who seemingly have totally separate existences but eventually come to be key forces in each other's lives. Mariam, a woman born a bastard whose father abandons her and gives her away in marriage to a horrible man in Kabul a few weeks after a tragic event in her life. And Laila, a woman 20 years her junior, born into a well-educated family in Kabul, who finds love in her childhood friend, Tariq, but ends up being separated from him because of the wars and unconscionable violence in Afghanistan from the 80’s on. I loved how the author incorporated so much history in a way that didn't bore me to tears. I also loved how the author reminded me of young love, something I experienced myself, but in far different circumstances. It was so intelligently written, so heartfelt. I absolutely fell in love with these characters. While it does wrap up a tad nicely, it's a lovely story I will definitely pass on.
THIS BOOK IS AMAZING. I wasn't able to put this book down; a good sign when I can't turn out the light at 2am because I need to know what happens with the characters. This book is a tale of two women’s lives who seemingly have totally separate existences but eventually come to be key forces in each other's lives. Mariam, a woman born a bastard whose father abandons her and gives her away in marriage to a horrible man in Kabul a few weeks after a tragic event in her life. And Laila, a woman 20 years her junior, born into a well-educated family in Kabul, who finds love in her childhood friend, Tariq, but ends up being separated from him because of the wars and unconscionable violence in Afghanistan from the 80’s on. I loved how the author incorporated so much history in a way that didn't bore me to tears. I also loved how the author reminded me of young love, something I experienced myself, but in far different circumstances. It was so intelligently written, so heartfelt. I absolutely fell in love with these characters. While it does wrap up a tad nicely, it's a lovely story I will definitely pass on.
Books
I love books. Sometimes I forget how much I do, but then I think back to how hardcore I was when I was a kid. A few examples . . .
In elementary school on summer breaks between 4th, 5th and 6th grade, my school had a Reading Challenge. For every hundred pages read, each student's rocket would move along in space on the big bulletin board in the hallway. I don't really recall how the powers that be kept track of our reading during the summer, but that wasn't really my concern. My concern was that my rocket ship moved the farthest, fastest. So I read. And read. And read. My rocket ship went around the solar system 3 times that summer. And I thought that was so cool.
Not nerdy enough? M likes this one . . .
On long car rides as a kid (back when we did vacations Griswold-style) I would read the whole way. My parents must have loved that, come to think of it. I would read during all the daylight hours on the road and squint during sunset. And when it got dark I would raise my book up so I could read by the headlights of the car behind us. Till my dad told me to stop because I'd hurt my eyes and end up needing glasses.
Yup. I'm cool. I'm happy to report that I don't currently wear glasses and still have pretty awesome vision, and that's after 3 years of law school, bar studies and reading umpteen cases as a fledgling lawyer. (to be fair, I certainly didn't read *all* of the assigned cases in law school :-))
Which is why, like Wintermute, I've added some book lists to my blog. I've also picked up on BT's idea a couple years ago of adopting a 25 Book Challenge for the past two years. This year I might actually make it too. So, I'm hoping to add my two cents on books I've read. Maybe you can comment on books you've read and enjoyed too. I know there's some crazy website out there where you can share book lists with your friends (I've gotten 2 invites I have yet to redeem for such a thing). But I like this idea better because, frankly, it's less work for me. And I like that.
So happy reading! And for those of you who are local, I will see you at the Girls' Fondue, Frivolo and Book Exchange in January!
In elementary school on summer breaks between 4th, 5th and 6th grade, my school had a Reading Challenge. For every hundred pages read, each student's rocket would move along in space on the big bulletin board in the hallway. I don't really recall how the powers that be kept track of our reading during the summer, but that wasn't really my concern. My concern was that my rocket ship moved the farthest, fastest. So I read. And read. And read. My rocket ship went around the solar system 3 times that summer. And I thought that was so cool.
Not nerdy enough? M likes this one . . .
On long car rides as a kid (back when we did vacations Griswold-style) I would read the whole way. My parents must have loved that, come to think of it. I would read during all the daylight hours on the road and squint during sunset. And when it got dark I would raise my book up so I could read by the headlights of the car behind us. Till my dad told me to stop because I'd hurt my eyes and end up needing glasses.
Yup. I'm cool. I'm happy to report that I don't currently wear glasses and still have pretty awesome vision, and that's after 3 years of law school, bar studies and reading umpteen cases as a fledgling lawyer. (to be fair, I certainly didn't read *all* of the assigned cases in law school :-))
Which is why, like Wintermute, I've added some book lists to my blog. I've also picked up on BT's idea a couple years ago of adopting a 25 Book Challenge for the past two years. This year I might actually make it too. So, I'm hoping to add my two cents on books I've read. Maybe you can comment on books you've read and enjoyed too. I know there's some crazy website out there where you can share book lists with your friends (I've gotten 2 invites I have yet to redeem for such a thing). But I like this idea better because, frankly, it's less work for me. And I like that.
So happy reading! And for those of you who are local, I will see you at the Girls' Fondue, Frivolo and Book Exchange in January!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I like homework, well kinda...
My acupuncturist tricked me. She's a smart lady.
Remember the homework I mentioned? Well, turns out soaking your feet in a lavender bath for 15 minutes is never really just 15 minutes. Rather, it turns into about an hour of decadent relaxation while I drink a glass of wine and read my latest favorite book. Afterwards my feet feel like butter, callouses have melted away, then I put on my new self-birthday present (I know cliche, but damn there's a reason everyone love 'em) and I literally have Happy Feet.
See, in my first session intake, she asked me all kinds of questions. I must have been clearly buzzing with adrenaline (I did drive like 90mph to get there on time because I ran late at a client meeting). Still, she asked me about the typical stress stuff--how much sleep are you getting, do you sleep well (and like BT I was having trouble remembering the last time I made it past the 5 am mark in at least a week), are you exercising (not really), etc. And after my session when she gave me my "homework," she said, "Now I know 15 minutes sounds like alot," (it did) "but see if you can swing it."
I'm swingin' it baby. I put all my phones on silent, put the crackberry on Quiet, turn off the TV and just chill. And it's totally working.
I've also started listening to new and more music. I finally made time to download some new music to the ole iPod, burned some new CDs for the car, and that's working too.
Result? I'm sleeping through the night. I actually want to go to the gym. And when I do I remember why I actually *like* going. Not only so I can eat and still fit into my clothes, but also because when I leave I feel so much better, less stressed, happier.
This weekend I am far less likely to freak out on poor M. And bonus, I haven't been pissed about not being pregnant for at least 4 days (coincidentally since i had the acunpuncture on Monday).
So, I like homework.
Remember the homework I mentioned? Well, turns out soaking your feet in a lavender bath for 15 minutes is never really just 15 minutes. Rather, it turns into about an hour of decadent relaxation while I drink a glass of wine and read my latest favorite book. Afterwards my feet feel like butter, callouses have melted away, then I put on my new self-birthday present (I know cliche, but damn there's a reason everyone love 'em) and I literally have Happy Feet.
See, in my first session intake, she asked me all kinds of questions. I must have been clearly buzzing with adrenaline (I did drive like 90mph to get there on time because I ran late at a client meeting). Still, she asked me about the typical stress stuff--how much sleep are you getting, do you sleep well (and like BT I was having trouble remembering the last time I made it past the 5 am mark in at least a week), are you exercising (not really), etc. And after my session when she gave me my "homework," she said, "Now I know 15 minutes sounds like alot," (it did) "but see if you can swing it."
I'm swingin' it baby. I put all my phones on silent, put the crackberry on Quiet, turn off the TV and just chill. And it's totally working.
I've also started listening to new and more music. I finally made time to download some new music to the ole iPod, burned some new CDs for the car, and that's working too.
Result? I'm sleeping through the night. I actually want to go to the gym. And when I do I remember why I actually *like* going. Not only so I can eat and still fit into my clothes, but also because when I leave I feel so much better, less stressed, happier.
This weekend I am far less likely to freak out on poor M. And bonus, I haven't been pissed about not being pregnant for at least 4 days (coincidentally since i had the acunpuncture on Monday).
So, I like homework.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I guess it's true
You can't take the country outta the girl, even if you take the girl(s) out of the country.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21693882/
The other one is pregnant too.
An interesting thought... if M and I had had kids at Jamie Lynn's age, by the time she is my age, she will have had a kid the same age she is now!
Boy am I glad to be a California/Bay Area girl.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21693882/
The other one is pregnant too.
An interesting thought... if M and I had had kids at Jamie Lynn's age, by the time she is my age, she will have had a kid the same age she is now!
Boy am I glad to be a California/Bay Area girl.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Oh, and more stuff done over the birthday weekend too, bonus!
I'm also thrilled that M and I got our christmas cards done, christmas shopping done, and all the household chores completed (including one quick trip to the gym) over the weekend. Plus we had a lovely birthday dinner at BT's favorite restaurant* and attended a work holiday party.
I also want to send a shout out to the very special folks who made Friday birthday drinks work, thanks! I know how hard it is to get down the peninsula on a friday at 630pm (FYI, M is not in charge of planning social events anymore:-) And I will hold my tongue re: the couple of stinkers who did not make Saturday drinks even though they said they would. (seeing as how they dont read this blog, it's all good).
*Funny side note: M said that BT's hubby told him before dinner "be ready to stuff yourselves silly." The next morning, M says to me over breakfast & coffee--"Um, if that is stuffing yourself silly, I dont want to know what a normal meal is!" As much as we enjoyed the food, we were both starved by 7am.
The one bummer is that our waiter overcharged us $50 which was supposedly a "surcharge" on one of the dishes we did *not* order (and the surcharge wasn't printed on the menu), which we still haven't gotten reimbursed for. Arg.
I also want to send a shout out to the very special folks who made Friday birthday drinks work, thanks! I know how hard it is to get down the peninsula on a friday at 630pm (FYI, M is not in charge of planning social events anymore:-) And I will hold my tongue re: the couple of stinkers who did not make Saturday drinks even though they said they would. (seeing as how they dont read this blog, it's all good).
*Funny side note: M said that BT's hubby told him before dinner "be ready to stuff yourselves silly." The next morning, M says to me over breakfast & coffee--"Um, if that is stuffing yourself silly, I dont want to know what a normal meal is!" As much as we enjoyed the food, we were both starved by 7am.
The one bummer is that our waiter overcharged us $50 which was supposedly a "surcharge" on one of the dishes we did *not* order (and the surcharge wasn't printed on the menu), which we still haven't gotten reimbursed for. Arg.
Sometimes it's not so great to be an open book
Because when you're grumpy, frustrated, tired, stressed and sickly, there's no hiding it from people who know you. I have been told by at least 3 people that I don't seem like myself lately. That combined with the fact that I have been sick twice in the last 3 mos and have still not completely recovered from my fit of hives last week and .... well ... Message recieved. So, in my personal tradition, I am trying to do something about it.
First acunpuncture session completed today.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift this year is scheduled for this weekend.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift last year will be scheduled for the week of Christmas.
Yoga being reinstated as legitimate form of exercise in my repertiore.
And I will try to JUST. DO. LESS.
And my homework from my acupuncturist? I need to soak my feet in a warm lavendar bath for at least 15 minutes every day and take my vitamins. Now that is homework I can handle! And bonus, my feet already feel softer (thanks to this awesome lavendar oil I have).
Cheers and I hope you all have a lovely holiday break!
First acunpuncture session completed today.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift this year is scheduled for this weekend.
Massage recieved as a birthday gift last year will be scheduled for the week of Christmas.
Yoga being reinstated as legitimate form of exercise in my repertiore.
And I will try to JUST. DO. LESS.
And my homework from my acupuncturist? I need to soak my feet in a warm lavendar bath for at least 15 minutes every day and take my vitamins. Now that is homework I can handle! And bonus, my feet already feel softer (thanks to this awesome lavendar oil I have).
Cheers and I hope you all have a lovely holiday break!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Catching up, Whew!
Well, I'm happy to report that M and I are on our way to being caught up. yeah!
House cleaned: check
Bills paid: check
Groceries done: check
Animals properly cared for: check
Caught up with good friends: check
Final credit card bill paid OFF: check
Tickets to Kooza purchased: check
Several to-do items 'round the house & autos scheduled: check
Attended wierd science exhibit with geeked-out husband and equally fascinated friends while yawning through the exhibit (aka Body Worlds): check
Christmas shopping list made: check
Some Christmas gifts actually purchased! check
Christmas cards re-ordered because first batch were illegible: check
What little Christmas decorations we have put up: check
and... check this out... tax software for 2007 tax prep purchased (already!): check
See what can happen in just 2 days?
And today I crossed many old to-do's off my work checklist (including an expense report I've been meaning to do since October, yikes) AND personal checklist too (broken nails? not anymore!) YEAH!
Still need to hit the gym though . . . it's on the list for Wednesday.
Good start to the week. Cheers!
House cleaned: check
Bills paid: check
Groceries done: check
Animals properly cared for: check
Caught up with good friends: check
Final credit card bill paid OFF: check
Tickets to Kooza purchased: check
Several to-do items 'round the house & autos scheduled: check
Attended wierd science exhibit with geeked-out husband and equally fascinated friends while yawning through the exhibit (aka Body Worlds): check
Christmas shopping list made: check
Some Christmas gifts actually purchased! check
Christmas cards re-ordered because first batch were illegible: check
What little Christmas decorations we have put up: check
and... check this out... tax software for 2007 tax prep purchased (already!): check
See what can happen in just 2 days?
And today I crossed many old to-do's off my work checklist (including an expense report I've been meaning to do since October, yikes) AND personal checklist too (broken nails? not anymore!) YEAH!
Still need to hit the gym though . . . it's on the list for Wednesday.
Good start to the week. Cheers!
Friday, December 7, 2007
I am however thankul for.....
My good friends.
After the last post, I had to run out to an appointment. I listened to R's voicemail on the way and felt warm fuzzies. At the very least I have REALLY. AWESOME. FRIENDS.
I have decided that I am not going to plan the next social engagement and allow myself to think, "well what if I'm pregnant?" Because chances are, I won't be. So we're booking our Tapis Rouge tickets to Kooza (which I was putting off because I didnt want to pay for VIP with drinks if I couldn't drink), I'm gonna start looking at a vacation for us before M leaves his airline, etc. And I am not going to let myself think about contingencies. (or I will at least try). Fuck it.
I am going to visit R in Jan, I've got a work trip in Phoenix in Feb, followed by a wedding in Savannah that weekend and I've got a bachelorette in Vegas in May (not to mention 2 weddings in Hawaii in August and October)---all of which will include a fairly high level of drinking, as usual. So I'm jumping in. With both feet.
I'm not saying TTC isnt going to cross my mind. Just telling M today that I'm not pregnant *again* brought on the waterworks. But I resolve (possibly a new year's resolution) not to let it be the only thing on my mind. Which is why I can't chart anymore. It's a constant reminder of what is not happening.
After the last post, I had to run out to an appointment. I listened to R's voicemail on the way and felt warm fuzzies. At the very least I have REALLY. AWESOME. FRIENDS.
I have decided that I am not going to plan the next social engagement and allow myself to think, "well what if I'm pregnant?" Because chances are, I won't be. So we're booking our Tapis Rouge tickets to Kooza (which I was putting off because I didnt want to pay for VIP with drinks if I couldn't drink), I'm gonna start looking at a vacation for us before M leaves his airline, etc. And I am not going to let myself think about contingencies. (or I will at least try). Fuck it.
I am going to visit R in Jan, I've got a work trip in Phoenix in Feb, followed by a wedding in Savannah that weekend and I've got a bachelorette in Vegas in May (not to mention 2 weddings in Hawaii in August and October)---all of which will include a fairly high level of drinking, as usual. So I'm jumping in. With both feet.
I'm not saying TTC isnt going to cross my mind. Just telling M today that I'm not pregnant *again* brought on the waterworks. But I resolve (possibly a new year's resolution) not to let it be the only thing on my mind. Which is why I can't chart anymore. It's a constant reminder of what is not happening.
TTC + me= bad... TMI? wtf.
**WARNING: This is a rant, pure and simple. A completely self-pitying, pessimistic, negative-nelly post. If you are in a good mood right now, click out. If you're in a bad mood, go ahead read on. Perhaps you'll feel better comparatively**
The title of the post? That's not a mathematical problem. If you are TTC as well, you probably feel the same way. But my dear readers, most of you are not, so let me explain.
TTC = trying to conceive. We have been TTC for 3 cycles now and I am not happy. Reasons? Well, when I get up every single day at the same time to take my temperature (BBT, basal body temperature), write down all my stuff in my chart, record it, analyze it for best days to conceive. And then we do what's necessary for those days (and that is not an easy task when you're doing it for a purpose and on a "required" basis ). And then we wait for 2 weeks, wondering, hoping, but trying not to get our hopes up. And then around Day 10 or 11 DPO (days post-ovulation) I start getting the telltale spotting. (The first couple of times, I was like "yippee! that could be implantation spotting!" And then I'd be disappointed when my period came the next day or two. Now I know my cycle, if i get the spotting, the big P is coming. and not the good one.) And then the suck sets in and I have to look at next month and see if we can work M's flying schedule around my ov schedule.
See, we have it doubly hard because unlike most husbands, M cannot just BE there when we need him to be there. So we have to plan out a month in advance (and usually it's too late to do so because he bids 6 weeks in advance). And then on the days that he IS home during that critical time, try and do what needs to be done. Well, it doesnt always work out that way. That is massive pressure... for everyone involved. But we still charge on. And all for naught.
Which leads me to my pissy/depressed mood today.....
So last night, all was well. Temps were staying high and I only had one more day of waiting to go. This morning, all hope went to hell in a handbasket. Temp dropped, spotting started and I fell back into bed and cried. THIS FUCKING SUCKS.
And let me tell you, this has got to be one of the hardest things for a couple to go through. Trying and trying each month, and for NOTHING. WTF is fate doing to us? Didn't we have it bad enough with the miscarriage? Can't you give us a f-in break?
Sure, a cheating spouse would suck. But at least you could blame someone, get mad at them, move on with your life. But this? There's no one to blame, there's no clear rhyme or reason for this continued failure and nothing we can do just yet. Sure, I can do more stuff---seek out an acupuncturist, take some herbal natural stuff, whatever. But I honestly can't charge on more. I can't stand the thought of doing all that Eastern medicine shit and it still not working. i'd fucking lose it.
Sure, I can see what my doctor says... but Western medicine is likely to say, "well give it a few more months." **
Fuck that. You try doing this for a few more months. Try forcing this uncomfortable situation into your life, your real life, between 2 full time jobs (one for which the person is gone 70% of the time), juggling chores, bills, the house, the animals, the holidays and the inquiries into "how is it going?" (Clearly that is a question that answers itself!) Making babies isnt all roses and sunshine. And it doesnt happen easily. If you are TTC, you are doing it 5-10 days in a row, twice a day if you can closer to expected ovulation. You are peeing on the damn ov-kit stick, you are charting, taking temps. All that. And that doesnt make for romance in the bedroom. For him or for me.
On top of all of that, all of my friends who want a family are either [1] pregnant and have gotten pregnant in the last 4 mos or [2] already have kids. A few of my friends don't want kids, others are not quite in that kind of relationship yet, etc. I really only have 1 friend who wants to get pregnant now and can't besides me. And yes, while I'm all happy for those people who are pregnant, I'm not happy for us.
This is why I don't gamble. We're not lucky people. Clearly.
So... I'm pretty much at my wit's end here. I know it hasnt been that long, blah blah blah. You can only say that if you've been here though. Truly. When you're type-A about many things in life, and are used to achieving goals that you put your mind and energy towards, not achieving your goals is not something you can get used to. I know many of you feel the same way. Unfortunately, this isn't like the Bar where I can just study harder, or get in a more Zen-place about it. There's nothing I can really DO to make it happen. So I'd rather just stop the madness. I'm ready to throw in the towel and just say "fuck it all. whatever happens, happens." Throw out the thermometer, the ov-sticks and the damn charting software. And pick up a big strong DRINK. At least I can do that!
The title of the post? That's not a mathematical problem. If you are TTC as well, you probably feel the same way. But my dear readers, most of you are not, so let me explain.
TTC = trying to conceive. We have been TTC for 3 cycles now and I am not happy. Reasons? Well, when I get up every single day at the same time to take my temperature (BBT, basal body temperature), write down all my stuff in my chart, record it, analyze it for best days to conceive. And then we do what's necessary for those days (and that is not an easy task when you're doing it for a purpose and on a "required" basis ). And then we wait for 2 weeks, wondering, hoping, but trying not to get our hopes up. And then around Day 10 or 11 DPO (days post-ovulation) I start getting the telltale spotting. (The first couple of times, I was like "yippee! that could be implantation spotting!" And then I'd be disappointed when my period came the next day or two. Now I know my cycle, if i get the spotting, the big P is coming. and not the good one.) And then the suck sets in and I have to look at next month and see if we can work M's flying schedule around my ov schedule.
See, we have it doubly hard because unlike most husbands, M cannot just BE there when we need him to be there. So we have to plan out a month in advance (and usually it's too late to do so because he bids 6 weeks in advance). And then on the days that he IS home during that critical time, try and do what needs to be done. Well, it doesnt always work out that way. That is massive pressure... for everyone involved. But we still charge on. And all for naught.
Which leads me to my pissy/depressed mood today.....
So last night, all was well. Temps were staying high and I only had one more day of waiting to go. This morning, all hope went to hell in a handbasket. Temp dropped, spotting started and I fell back into bed and cried. THIS FUCKING SUCKS.
And let me tell you, this has got to be one of the hardest things for a couple to go through. Trying and trying each month, and for NOTHING. WTF is fate doing to us? Didn't we have it bad enough with the miscarriage? Can't you give us a f-in break?
Sure, a cheating spouse would suck. But at least you could blame someone, get mad at them, move on with your life. But this? There's no one to blame, there's no clear rhyme or reason for this continued failure and nothing we can do just yet. Sure, I can do more stuff---seek out an acupuncturist, take some herbal natural stuff, whatever. But I honestly can't charge on more. I can't stand the thought of doing all that Eastern medicine shit and it still not working. i'd fucking lose it.
Sure, I can see what my doctor says... but Western medicine is likely to say, "well give it a few more months." **
Fuck that. You try doing this for a few more months. Try forcing this uncomfortable situation into your life, your real life, between 2 full time jobs (one for which the person is gone 70% of the time), juggling chores, bills, the house, the animals, the holidays and the inquiries into "how is it going?" (Clearly that is a question that answers itself!) Making babies isnt all roses and sunshine. And it doesnt happen easily. If you are TTC, you are doing it 5-10 days in a row, twice a day if you can closer to expected ovulation. You are peeing on the damn ov-kit stick, you are charting, taking temps. All that. And that doesnt make for romance in the bedroom. For him or for me.
On top of all of that, all of my friends who want a family are either [1] pregnant and have gotten pregnant in the last 4 mos or [2] already have kids. A few of my friends don't want kids, others are not quite in that kind of relationship yet, etc. I really only have 1 friend who wants to get pregnant now and can't besides me. And yes, while I'm all happy for those people who are pregnant, I'm not happy for us.
This is why I don't gamble. We're not lucky people. Clearly.
So... I'm pretty much at my wit's end here. I know it hasnt been that long, blah blah blah. You can only say that if you've been here though. Truly. When you're type-A about many things in life, and are used to achieving goals that you put your mind and energy towards, not achieving your goals is not something you can get used to. I know many of you feel the same way. Unfortunately, this isn't like the Bar where I can just study harder, or get in a more Zen-place about it. There's nothing I can really DO to make it happen. So I'd rather just stop the madness. I'm ready to throw in the towel and just say "fuck it all. whatever happens, happens." Throw out the thermometer, the ov-sticks and the damn charting software. And pick up a big strong DRINK. At least I can do that!
**Update: useless Western medicine doctor (who by the way had the WORST bedside manner, which I remembered from my post-D&C check up) did indeed say try for a few more months, only worse. She said we need to try for a YEAR! F**k that. What a waste of a co-pay!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
must...post...something...
Like Wintermute said last week, must post. Sorry for being a slacker. But the only thing i have to post about right now is how insanely behind I am on life, paying bills, doing dishes, work, work, and more work, cleaning up the house. This house is like a friggin' pig sty right now. Get my butt to the gym anytime this month... it's been way too long on that one too. But with getting my second cold in 3 mos and breaking out in full body HIVES on Monday, hasn't happened. Sweet.
Must. Dig. Out. Of. Hole.
till I do... posting has to sit on the back burner.
Must. Dig. Out. Of. Hole.
till I do... posting has to sit on the back burner.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
7 Things
I'm it, thanks to Arvay. I was almost going to be offended if this baby didnt make it my way, although now I'm completely drawing a blank as to 7 whole things you all dont know about me.
Hmm....
[1] I'm not one to hold down a steady job... at least not in my adult life. My longest job ever? 3 years. Job title? Paper delivery girl. I'm going for a new record now... so far I'm 1.5 years in.
[2] It's no secret that I love my animals. I love 'em cute, furry, lovable, huggable, and I talk to them in a ridiculous baby voice most of them time. And our cats love sleeping... on top of my sweatshirts, on top of each other, on my office chair and in our bed. I let 'em. Not just on top of the covers. Nope. Our boy cat, Guinness, loves to sleep under the nook of your legs inside the sheets. And he purrs so loud you can hear it over the TV. How can you deny one such pleasure?
[3] I LOVE lotion. Can't get enough of the stuff. If you come to my house, you will see a bottle of lotion (at least one) in every single room in the house. I hate dry hands, therefore I love lotion. I just spent $100 bucks at L'Occitane on lotion. No joke.
[4] In keeping with the moisturizing spirit, I also love Chapstick. I once forgot Chapstick (cherry or strawberry mainly) when I was walking out the door for work and stopped to decide if I was going to (a) go back in and grab one and risk being late or (b) try to find a Walgreen's on the way somewhere to buy some. I cannot go a day without Chapstick or lotion.
[5] After reading Arvay's post, I am reminded of how much I love our animals, every one we've ever had as part of our family. And some that weren't. In fact, to this day, I can't drive by the spot near my family home where, for the first and last time, I accidentally ran over a squirrel, and not be sad or sorry for what I did. I literally screamed and then cried after it happened. He just came out of nowhere! And then, another time near our old house in Bgame, I witnessed a careless driver run over another squirrel right in front of me and keep going. I literally stopped my car in the middle of the street because I saw him still moving, got out, sat on the ground there with him while he died. I was BAWLING. The woman in the car behind me had to console me. I was a WRECK. Then she helped me move him, respectfully, underneath a tree in front of the house he was killed. My only consolation was that I hoped his little squirrel family would be able to come see him.
I am so pathetic. I know.
[6] Until about my second year of college, I didn't understand the game of football. An old boyfriend in junior high was a football player and tried to explain the game to me for hours one day. I still never got it. Actually, until about my third year in college I still had to ask my friends, who I'd go to the games with, what each play was, why a flag was thrown, what the hell did the ref say, why are they switching sides, etc. Again, so sad ;-)
[7] I would not hate being a celebrity. SO shallow, I know. But seriously, free schwag all the time, designers throwing gorgeous bags, clothes, and shoes at you constantly, travelling to the best places on earth (with no hassle, no fuss and royal treatment to boot), having a great house to entertain all our friends in (it wouldnt matter where it was because there would be plenty of guest rooms for them to crash in), no worries about retirement money, etc.
I know, I know... I'd have to give up my privacy. I'm sure it's worth a lot more than I know... but the grass is always greener. M says I'm completely nutz. I agree, but the arguments are good man, they are!
Ok. Wow. I did it. I can't believe I actually came up with 7 things you *may* not know about me (except BT perhaps) and I didn't have to totally devulge my shady past. :-)
I don't have anyone to tag! Suggestions?
Hmm....
[1] I'm not one to hold down a steady job... at least not in my adult life. My longest job ever? 3 years. Job title? Paper delivery girl. I'm going for a new record now... so far I'm 1.5 years in.
[2] It's no secret that I love my animals. I love 'em cute, furry, lovable, huggable, and I talk to them in a ridiculous baby voice most of them time. And our cats love sleeping... on top of my sweatshirts, on top of each other, on my office chair and in our bed. I let 'em. Not just on top of the covers. Nope. Our boy cat, Guinness, loves to sleep under the nook of your legs inside the sheets. And he purrs so loud you can hear it over the TV. How can you deny one such pleasure?
[3] I LOVE lotion. Can't get enough of the stuff. If you come to my house, you will see a bottle of lotion (at least one) in every single room in the house. I hate dry hands, therefore I love lotion. I just spent $100 bucks at L'Occitane on lotion. No joke.
[4] In keeping with the moisturizing spirit, I also love Chapstick. I once forgot Chapstick (cherry or strawberry mainly) when I was walking out the door for work and stopped to decide if I was going to (a) go back in and grab one and risk being late or (b) try to find a Walgreen's on the way somewhere to buy some. I cannot go a day without Chapstick or lotion.
[5] After reading Arvay's post, I am reminded of how much I love our animals, every one we've ever had as part of our family. And some that weren't. In fact, to this day, I can't drive by the spot near my family home where, for the first and last time, I accidentally ran over a squirrel, and not be sad or sorry for what I did. I literally screamed and then cried after it happened. He just came out of nowhere! And then, another time near our old house in Bgame, I witnessed a careless driver run over another squirrel right in front of me and keep going. I literally stopped my car in the middle of the street because I saw him still moving, got out, sat on the ground there with him while he died. I was BAWLING. The woman in the car behind me had to console me. I was a WRECK. Then she helped me move him, respectfully, underneath a tree in front of the house he was killed. My only consolation was that I hoped his little squirrel family would be able to come see him.
I am so pathetic. I know.
[6] Until about my second year of college, I didn't understand the game of football. An old boyfriend in junior high was a football player and tried to explain the game to me for hours one day. I still never got it. Actually, until about my third year in college I still had to ask my friends, who I'd go to the games with, what each play was, why a flag was thrown, what the hell did the ref say, why are they switching sides, etc. Again, so sad ;-)
[7] I would not hate being a celebrity. SO shallow, I know. But seriously, free schwag all the time, designers throwing gorgeous bags, clothes, and shoes at you constantly, travelling to the best places on earth (with no hassle, no fuss and royal treatment to boot), having a great house to entertain all our friends in (it wouldnt matter where it was because there would be plenty of guest rooms for them to crash in), no worries about retirement money, etc.
I know, I know... I'd have to give up my privacy. I'm sure it's worth a lot more than I know... but the grass is always greener. M says I'm completely nutz. I agree, but the arguments are good man, they are!
Ok. Wow. I did it. I can't believe I actually came up with 7 things you *may* not know about me (except BT perhaps) and I didn't have to totally devulge my shady past. :-)
I don't have anyone to tag! Suggestions?
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thanksgiving week: New traditions
Typically for us ,Thanksgiving means heading up to Sac-town and enjoying a relaxing few days of food, chillin and hanging out with friends. Not so this year, and actually I rather enjoyed it. This year, our folks are in Japan, so I volunteered to take on the responsibility of hosting and cooking Thanksgiving as well as toting my work out there for the week and taking care of the family house and dog.
Needless to say, it was a lot more work than I anticipated--as evidenced by the still-empty photo album I had planned to fill with pictures of travel from the last 2 years, the untouched pile of publications I had planned to weed out and go through and the 2nd book that remains untouched. Yes, taking care of 2 crazy kittens and a handicapped dog (who cannot be left alone for more than 3 hours at a time) seriously hampered my plans of seeing 2 old friends in town, relaxing, reading, running at Folsom Lake and biking with M when he got off work on Wednesday. Add to that shopping for Thanksgiving groceries for one full day in the near-Christmas and totally-frantic Thanksgiving shopper crowds and meeting BT's lil' sis for lunch at the god-forsaken Galleria mall, and that was pretty much my pre-Thanksgiving.
But it's all good. I'm proud to report that I'm no longer a Thanksgiving meal virgin. I've survived and conquered a full Thanksgiving meal prep and serve single-handedly and I gotta say (pat on my own back) it turned out quite well. The company was good, everyone behaved, we ate well but didnt stuff ourselves, and had two fun visitors post-dinner that added more fun conversation to the mix.
I did get one run in at Folsom Lake (damn those 10-15% grade hills!) and a bike ride to Raleys and Longs Drugs with M.
*One funny side note and commentary on GB/Roseville's perspective on bike riders: On our ride home, at an intersection, a car full of teenagers yelled at us "Are you Mormon?!" At first I couldn't understand what they said. I thought they said "Are you partying?" It was 630pm on Friday night, we were dressed in all black (jackets and pants because it was cold) and helmets, and it is GB. The only people who ride bikes in GB (rather than driving a suped-up Land Rover that will never see mud or dirt or even hills) are Mormon missionaries. So it clicked and I figured out that's what they're asking us.
Overall a great week, even though it was tough at times for me taking care of all the animals alone (before M and A showed up) and shopping and prepping for Thanksgiving dinner. But it turned out so well, I'd do it again. And hey, I can't complain about having a state-of-the-art, brand-new kitchen to cook in with every possible kitchen amenity and tool necessary to get the job done. And M was thrilled to have a dishwasher to boot.
Needless to say, it was a lot more work than I anticipated--as evidenced by the still-empty photo album I had planned to fill with pictures of travel from the last 2 years, the untouched pile of publications I had planned to weed out and go through and the 2nd book that remains untouched. Yes, taking care of 2 crazy kittens and a handicapped dog (who cannot be left alone for more than 3 hours at a time) seriously hampered my plans of seeing 2 old friends in town, relaxing, reading, running at Folsom Lake and biking with M when he got off work on Wednesday. Add to that shopping for Thanksgiving groceries for one full day in the near-Christmas and totally-frantic Thanksgiving shopper crowds and meeting BT's lil' sis for lunch at the god-forsaken Galleria mall, and that was pretty much my pre-Thanksgiving.
But it's all good. I'm proud to report that I'm no longer a Thanksgiving meal virgin. I've survived and conquered a full Thanksgiving meal prep and serve single-handedly and I gotta say (pat on my own back) it turned out quite well. The company was good, everyone behaved, we ate well but didnt stuff ourselves, and had two fun visitors post-dinner that added more fun conversation to the mix.
I did get one run in at Folsom Lake (damn those 10-15% grade hills!) and a bike ride to Raleys and Longs Drugs with M.
*One funny side note and commentary on GB/Roseville's perspective on bike riders: On our ride home, at an intersection, a car full of teenagers yelled at us "Are you Mormon?!" At first I couldn't understand what they said. I thought they said "Are you partying?" It was 630pm on Friday night, we were dressed in all black (jackets and pants because it was cold) and helmets, and it is GB. The only people who ride bikes in GB (rather than driving a suped-up Land Rover that will never see mud or dirt or even hills) are Mormon missionaries. So it clicked and I figured out that's what they're asking us.
Overall a great week, even though it was tough at times for me taking care of all the animals alone (before M and A showed up) and shopping and prepping for Thanksgiving dinner. But it turned out so well, I'd do it again. And hey, I can't complain about having a state-of-the-art, brand-new kitchen to cook in with every possible kitchen amenity and tool necessary to get the job done. And M was thrilled to have a dishwasher to boot.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Japan Part Three (San): Everything in Japan is cooler, why don't we have these?
Just some examples...
This picture doesn't really do it justice either. You simply stick your hands in there (and you dont have to touch any buttons and undo the germ-elimination you just completed) and these crazy jet-engine like dryers come on and wick away every drop of moisture. They're never too hot or too cold and the dryer stays on until you remove your hands.
First off, the toilet seats are all warmed. And not from someone else's ass. They are constantly warmed for your comfort. Plus, all the other options: flushing sound in case you're modest and dont want others to hear your business, 2 different types of cleansing options (with water pressure options too) and a deodorizing option:
Have you ever been annoyed that the air hand dryers in our public restrooms never get the job done? If not (a) you're wierd and (b) you've never experienced a jet-engine like Japanese hand dryer in Japan:
This picture doesn't really do it justice either. You simply stick your hands in there (and you dont have to touch any buttons and undo the germ-elimination you just completed) and these crazy jet-engine like dryers come on and wick away every drop of moisture. They're never too hot or too cold and the dryer stays on until you remove your hands.Oh, that reminds me, every faucet and soap dispenser is automated. And not in the annoying way that it is here---where you spend at least 30 seconds waving your hands frantically around trying to get the damn sensor to sense that you are there and want to wash your hands. Nope. In Japan, the sensors actually do their jobs.
It's actually a bit disconcerting how automated the bathroom experience is. You'll go to the counter and there are no buttons, levers or anything to touch. Hence there are most likely less germs for you to pick up. I love it!
Speaking of bathrooms, the cool factor doesnt end there. It actually starts here:
First off, the toilet seats are all warmed. And not from someone else's ass. They are constantly warmed for your comfort. Plus, all the other options: flushing sound in case you're modest and dont want others to hear your business, 2 different types of cleansing options (with water pressure options too) and a deodorizing option: The only down side is the rare occasion when you're in the sticks or in a place that hasn't joined the rest of Japan and given everyone Western toilets. I used to fear these last time I was in Japan. This time I was pleasantly surprised that they are a much more rare occurrence nowadays. May I present the typical Japanese toilet:
May you never have to use these without having been in Japan for at least 3 days. It will throw you off your game. I'm totally used to them by now, but I still prefer the First Class version of toilets. :-)
I couldn't possibly put in pics of all the cool things in Japan. Next time, a couple more cool things and then funny things. Stay tuned!
Japan Part Two (Ni): Everything is funkier in Japan
It's taken quite awhile for me to get to this second post, but if you've read some of the other posts, you know why.
But if I saw that, I would not have been surprised.
Japanese Fashion: I wish I had taken pictures of some of the tragedies I witnessed on any given subway in Tokyo. The shock value alone would have been worth it. But I felt wierd pointing a camera at some strange girl/guy while trying to stifle my laughter and balance the load of bags & packages we always had in transit. (or the yummy bakery goodies we always stopped to eat--note to BT). Let me just describe a typical outfit by a young fashionista: horribly dyed blonde hair with standard black roots, her hair pulled up in a sequinced red scrunchie, plaid fitted flannel shirt with a totally contrasting shirt underneath peeking out, over a tu-tu styled black skirt overlaid with a giant alligator belt, then tights and high top converse rolled down. Now, the tights weren't any tights. I dont know how, but she managed to find tights where one leg was black & white striped while the other was bright purple with multi-colored polka dots on it. Oh, and she had a gigantic faux-patent leather bag to tie the outfit together.
Something like this, but worse:
Or this: 
The time I saw that girl, I literally started laughing and had to walk away. There were obviously lesser offenders, but not too much better. Even the boys were guilty, wearing tight pants, or skinny jeans, in wierd colors.
It was never really this bad, thankfully:
The one thing I didn't mind too much (because it made sense) was that everyone carries a bag on the subway. Men, women, children, elderly. Everyone. And it's because you need to. When you ride public transportation all day, everywhere and are never in one spot to gather your things, or you do your shopping all around town (many do), you will inevitably end up with lots of crap. So even men carry "man bags." (think Joey on Friends and his "fashionable"man bag) That I didnt mind so much. But everything else? . . . WOW. 'Nuf said.
Next time: cool stuff in Japan
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Hey Cal, your mom called . . .
Dear Cal Football,
It's official. You suck. I love Cal Football, so it pains me to say it. But seriously. I have watched you perform hot and cold for the last 10 years, but this year is especially terrible because as many of you know, you are the best talent in the Pac-10. So why, god why, do you f-in suck so bad? My god! Today's game against Washington is tragic. Pathetic. Heartbreaking. What is with all the turnovers, mistakes, penalties?!
Are you trying to get Tedford fired? Do you have a vendetta against him? Cuz damn, you're doing everything you can to make sure that's gonna happen after today's loss and (predictably) Big Game against Stanford.
Thank god many of you are leaving after this year. Maybe what we need is fresh blood and hopefully a football team that doesn't go mental and lose their shit every f-in game when things start going south.
Sincerely,
Heartbroken and Pissed
It's official. You suck. I love Cal Football, so it pains me to say it. But seriously. I have watched you perform hot and cold for the last 10 years, but this year is especially terrible because as many of you know, you are the best talent in the Pac-10. So why, god why, do you f-in suck so bad? My god! Today's game against Washington is tragic. Pathetic. Heartbreaking. What is with all the turnovers, mistakes, penalties?!
Are you trying to get Tedford fired? Do you have a vendetta against him? Cuz damn, you're doing everything you can to make sure that's gonna happen after today's loss and (predictably) Big Game against Stanford.
Thank god many of you are leaving after this year. Maybe what we need is fresh blood and hopefully a football team that doesn't go mental and lose their shit every f-in game when things start going south.
Sincerely,
Heartbroken and Pissed
Friday, November 9, 2007
Bay Oil Spill: I'm a bleeding heart, I admit it, but if you can help...
**Be warned, this is my own personal PSA**
It's no secret, I'm a die-hard animal lover. So if you are willing or able to help at all, then I urge you to let Baykeeper.org know you're interested in volunteering with the cleanup efforts after the terrible oil spill in the Bay yesterday.
www.baykeeper.org
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/11/09/BA51T8USI.DTL
I've also checked with the Oiled Wildlife Care Network, and right now it's not clear what they will need volunteers from the public for, but I'll definitely stay tuned.
http://www.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/owcn/
Even if you can't volunteer your time, you can help track the oil spill (O'Brien's Group of Southern California at (985) 781-0804)or call OWCN if you see an injured bird (1-877-823-6926).
I love living here, so I'm hoping I can contribute to keep the Bay Area the gorgeous and amazing place it is.
It's no secret, I'm a die-hard animal lover. So if you are willing or able to help at all, then I urge you to let Baykeeper.org know you're interested in volunteering with the cleanup efforts after the terrible oil spill in the Bay yesterday.
www.baykeeper.org
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/11/09/BA51T8USI.DTL
I've also checked with the Oiled Wildlife Care Network, and right now it's not clear what they will need volunteers from the public for, but I'll definitely stay tuned.
http://www.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/owcn/
Even if you can't volunteer your time, you can help track the oil spill (O'Brien's Group of Southern California at (985) 781-0804)or call OWCN if you see an injured bird (1-877-823-6926).
I love living here, so I'm hoping I can contribute to keep the Bay Area the gorgeous and amazing place it is.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The expected ..... unexpected
When you visit someone who is very sick, gravely ill, you know you should expect what is coming next. But for some reason when the expected happens, it seems strangely unexpected. In the wake of our Japan trip, which in and of itself was intense and gratifying at the same time, I am now faced with the unexpected expediency of the expected. My aunt died this morning. We all knew we should be expecting this, but at the same time, seeing her just last Thursday, merely 6 days ago, so happy to see M and I, so talkative, so exuberant at our last meeting, I was more than a bit floored when I recieved the news this afternoon that she had died.
Admittedly, we have not shared the same level of closeness many people share with their loved ones, but I knew that she cared about me from afar. And I for her. And I had (perhaps unrealistic hopes) that the next time I went to Japan I would see her again, alive.
For many hours this afternoon I did what many people do when faced with this kind of news--I took on the responsibility to keep myself busy. The responsility of making sure what needed to happen (from the US) happened. People were informed. Arrangements were made. Long distance phone calls were made. But for an hour or so while waiting for the lines of communication to clear up between here and Tokyo, I did what I originally planned to do today, attended an exercise class. I didn't know what else to do with myself for that period of time. And then another unexpected thing happened. About half way through the class, on a hard drill, I pushed myself harder than I have before. I got into a zone and basically punished myself for being able to do what she could no longer do-- breathe, live, strive and have possibility and opportunity. And it literally made me cry during this class. Luckily for me, the room was very dark and my tears mixed in with the rivers of sweat pouring out. But I felt guilty because I can do what she no longer can. So I pushed myself more. My knees almost gave out in exhaustion. But what else can you do when the expected unexpectedly happens way too soon?
Admittedly, we have not shared the same level of closeness many people share with their loved ones, but I knew that she cared about me from afar. And I for her. And I had (perhaps unrealistic hopes) that the next time I went to Japan I would see her again, alive.
For many hours this afternoon I did what many people do when faced with this kind of news--I took on the responsibility to keep myself busy. The responsility of making sure what needed to happen (from the US) happened. People were informed. Arrangements were made. Long distance phone calls were made. But for an hour or so while waiting for the lines of communication to clear up between here and Tokyo, I did what I originally planned to do today, attended an exercise class. I didn't know what else to do with myself for that period of time. And then another unexpected thing happened. About half way through the class, on a hard drill, I pushed myself harder than I have before. I got into a zone and basically punished myself for being able to do what she could no longer do-- breathe, live, strive and have possibility and opportunity. And it literally made me cry during this class. Luckily for me, the room was very dark and my tears mixed in with the rivers of sweat pouring out. But I felt guilty because I can do what she no longer can. So I pushed myself more. My knees almost gave out in exhaustion. But what else can you do when the expected unexpectedly happens way too soon?
Monday, November 5, 2007
Weee!!!
Ok, this is shamefully self-promoting, egotistical, etc. But if you're reading this blog, you know me and you won't give a crap. So... weee!! I came back from Japan to find out I'm ranked #2 in my position at Company X. Yeah! If (fingers crossed) this keeps up through the end of the year, I might get a free trip to Maui on Company X for M and I. True, M and I have been to Maui many many (many) times, but never for free! Imagine that, we'll actually have reserved seats. I can bring however much crap I want. :-)
So how come I can't shake that nagging, dreadful feeling everytime I see my bosses' name pop up on my caller ID or an email from her in my inbox? I think it's because I spent too many years living in a constant state of fear at BigLaw where, as biting tongue said it best, assholes were running the show.
Now if only our Bears could have hung onto their #2 spot.... *sigh*
So how come I can't shake that nagging, dreadful feeling everytime I see my bosses' name pop up on my caller ID or an email from her in my inbox? I think it's because I spent too many years living in a constant state of fear at BigLaw where, as biting tongue said it best, assholes were running the show.
Now if only our Bears could have hung onto their #2 spot.... *sigh*
Japan Part One (Ichi): Overwhelming gratitude... It's a lot harder than it looks
Japan is cool. I heart Japan, seriously. I implore you to visit this country and not come home with warm fuzzies and amazement at their country and culture. First, everyone is unbelievably polite. It's the Japanese way, as my cousin's husband said, to think of others first and yourself last. That's not new to some people, but to experience that in action every day is quite amazing. I have so many observations and interesting stories from our short trip to Japan, I've decided to break them up into parts.
One thing I was not prepared for on this visit was the level of gratitude and honor each member of my family felt and expressed to us for making the trip out to see them. Each and every one of them was so grateful and so happy and so overcome with emotion, it was completely overwhelming.
For example, M, my mother and I went to visit my great aunt in her care facility about 2 hours outside downtown Tokyo (Tokyo is huge, so everywhere we went there was pretty much still considered Tokyo, but it can take a long time to get to your destination with all the train transfers). When we arrived at the train station, my great uncle picked us up and the first thing he did was pull out a 27-year old picture of me at my uncle Hiro's wedding that he keeps in his wallet. That wasn't the last time I saw them, but it was the last picture he had of me with his wife, my great aunt. But still, I haven't seen him in at least 17 years and he still keeps a picture of me in his wallet. (It should be noted that my brother and I are 2 of the 3 grandchildren in the entire family. ENTIRE family, including all of my grandmother's siblings). He said (in Japanese) that he was so impressed that we came to visit him on this short trip, they were so grateful. To express his gratitude my great uncle and aunt gave M a *very* expensive watch (http://www.seikowatches.com/asia/press/news_gs2005.asp
--keep in mind, M has never met any of these Japanese relatives) and gave me an equally expensive piece of jewelry. I felt terrible because Japanese tradition is to bring people you are visiting a gift, not the other way around. But we simply did not have time to get something before this visit. But of course, we graciously accepted their gifts in awe.
Later, we went into my aunt's room at the care facility. She was so overcome with gratitude that she had to turn away to cry. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. She could NOT believe that we had travelled all that way to see her, and it was pretty evident that it would be the last time we will see her. She was so excited to meet my husband (who, in Japan, is practically at rock-star status). We communicated our well wishes for her health in the minimal Japanese we learned on the way over, and she was thrilled.
After the visit, we were supposed to have dinner with my great uncle in his hometown at some very fancy restaurant. We brought a change of clothes for the occasion. But at the last minute, he had to conduct some business downtown, so he drove us downtown to the Ginza area, put us in a beautiful Chinese restaurant, ordered us an unbelievable meal, complete with 2 bottles of French wine and a traditional Chinese liquor with dessert, paid the bill and went to his meeting. He later joined us for the Chinese liquor and dessert. Okay, he just bought us crazy expensive gifts and now he's taking us to a thousand dollar meal? I mean, soup was 4200 Yen (approx $42 bucks). OMG. This is just too much. But the thing is, in Japan, you gotta roll with it. So we ate and ate and ate, for fear of being rude for not trying everything. We rolled ourselves out of dinner, bade him farewell with multiple thank yous, and walked around in Ginza (famous part of Tokyo) to help digest.
A few days later, we went to visit my aunt at the hospital. She's very sick, and it was again clear that this would be our last visit with her. She too was completely overcome with emotion. She literally choked up and cried, bringing us all to tears too. I hadn't seen her in about 17 or so years, so seeing her in this condition was very difficult. But, in keeping with Japanese ways, she also gave us an all-too-generous gift of cash.
Can you see how this week went? I felt so mixed up by the whole thing. I mean, it's not that difficult for us to fly out to Japan, and given that we had a free place to stay in Tokyo the whole time (along with my great uncle's offer to put us up in some fancy-pants hotel next time we come back to Tokyo because he thinks my Grandma's house is too small to accomodate us), we could certainly make the trip more often. I felt bad that we hadn't done so earlier. I felt bad that we didn't bring gifts with us (although I did write my aunt a card). I also felt amazed at their expressions of love and affection. It may be true that Japanese (and Asians in general) aren't too good at expressing love with words and physical actions, but these grandiose gestures make it pretty darn clear how they feel. And that was a big lesson learned for me. My mother has never been able to tell me how she felt about me, but she has done things that I know are hard for her, and now in retrospect (damn 20-20 hindsight) I have gratitude for that.
Next time on "Lucky_girl's odyssey to Japan:" CRAZY JAPANESE FASHION and funny idiosyncracies unique to Japan (singing toilets anyone?). Stay tuned Wintermute.
*okay, I know I saw a typo in here earlier... somewhere there is a word with two "m's".... so forgive me. i am too hungry to hunt it down right now*
One thing I was not prepared for on this visit was the level of gratitude and honor each member of my family felt and expressed to us for making the trip out to see them. Each and every one of them was so grateful and so happy and so overcome with emotion, it was completely overwhelming.
For example, M, my mother and I went to visit my great aunt in her care facility about 2 hours outside downtown Tokyo (Tokyo is huge, so everywhere we went there was pretty much still considered Tokyo, but it can take a long time to get to your destination with all the train transfers). When we arrived at the train station, my great uncle picked us up and the first thing he did was pull out a 27-year old picture of me at my uncle Hiro's wedding that he keeps in his wallet. That wasn't the last time I saw them, but it was the last picture he had of me with his wife, my great aunt. But still, I haven't seen him in at least 17 years and he still keeps a picture of me in his wallet. (It should be noted that my brother and I are 2 of the 3 grandchildren in the entire family. ENTIRE family, including all of my grandmother's siblings). He said (in Japanese) that he was so impressed that we came to visit him on this short trip, they were so grateful. To express his gratitude my great uncle and aunt gave M a *very* expensive watch (http://www.seikowatches.com/asia/press/news_gs2005.asp
--keep in mind, M has never met any of these Japanese relatives) and gave me an equally expensive piece of jewelry. I felt terrible because Japanese tradition is to bring people you are visiting a gift, not the other way around. But we simply did not have time to get something before this visit. But of course, we graciously accepted their gifts in awe.
Later, we went into my aunt's room at the care facility. She was so overcome with gratitude that she had to turn away to cry. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. She could NOT believe that we had travelled all that way to see her, and it was pretty evident that it would be the last time we will see her. She was so excited to meet my husband (who, in Japan, is practically at rock-star status). We communicated our well wishes for her health in the minimal Japanese we learned on the way over, and she was thrilled.
After the visit, we were supposed to have dinner with my great uncle in his hometown at some very fancy restaurant. We brought a change of clothes for the occasion. But at the last minute, he had to conduct some business downtown, so he drove us downtown to the Ginza area, put us in a beautiful Chinese restaurant, ordered us an unbelievable meal, complete with 2 bottles of French wine and a traditional Chinese liquor with dessert, paid the bill and went to his meeting. He later joined us for the Chinese liquor and dessert. Okay, he just bought us crazy expensive gifts and now he's taking us to a thousand dollar meal? I mean, soup was 4200 Yen (approx $42 bucks). OMG. This is just too much. But the thing is, in Japan, you gotta roll with it. So we ate and ate and ate, for fear of being rude for not trying everything. We rolled ourselves out of dinner, bade him farewell with multiple thank yous, and walked around in Ginza (famous part of Tokyo) to help digest.
A few days later, we went to visit my aunt at the hospital. She's very sick, and it was again clear that this would be our last visit with her. She too was completely overcome with emotion. She literally choked up and cried, bringing us all to tears too. I hadn't seen her in about 17 or so years, so seeing her in this condition was very difficult. But, in keeping with Japanese ways, she also gave us an all-too-generous gift of cash.
Can you see how this week went? I felt so mixed up by the whole thing. I mean, it's not that difficult for us to fly out to Japan, and given that we had a free place to stay in Tokyo the whole time (along with my great uncle's offer to put us up in some fancy-pants hotel next time we come back to Tokyo because he thinks my Grandma's house is too small to accomodate us), we could certainly make the trip more often. I felt bad that we hadn't done so earlier. I felt bad that we didn't bring gifts with us (although I did write my aunt a card). I also felt amazed at their expressions of love and affection. It may be true that Japanese (and Asians in general) aren't too good at expressing love with words and physical actions, but these grandiose gestures make it pretty darn clear how they feel. And that was a big lesson learned for me. My mother has never been able to tell me how she felt about me, but she has done things that I know are hard for her, and now in retrospect (damn 20-20 hindsight) I have gratitude for that.
Next time on "Lucky_girl's odyssey to Japan:" CRAZY JAPANESE FASHION and funny idiosyncracies unique to Japan (singing toilets anyone?). Stay tuned Wintermute.
*okay, I know I saw a typo in here earlier... somewhere there is a word with two "m's".... so forgive me. i am too hungry to hunt it down right now*
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Who can you trust?
Today I recieved even more annoying news (of the same kind I recieved about 3 weeks ago). A good friend, S, emailed me because a mutual friend of ours (N) emailed her to find out if I had my baby yet. (Why N didnt ask me herself is an unknown). N's mother is an old friend of my mother's, so I know where she got this misinformation. I certainly didn't tell her. Very few people knew I was pregnant, and S wasn't one of them.
This is the second, and most infuriating, time this has happened. When I was pregnant and we decided to tell our parents a few weeks earlier than we wanted to, the main reason for that was to give my mother some much-deserved good news (other bad family stuff happening on her side of the family, which is why we are going to Japan). We made them PROMISE not to tell anyone until I cleared the first trimester. They promised.
M's mother cracked, she told her sister (who undoubtedly told the other 3 siblings, their kids, and M's grandmother). But when I miscarried and we confronted her, she admitted that she told someone. So we knew what to expect.
When I miscarried and both of my parents knew, only my father told me that he "accidentally" told his brother that I miscarried (and not before). I was annoyed, but ok with that because I KNEW. In light of this most recent email, I now know of at least 2 other people my mother told, who obviously told their own daughters, who emailed S, who emailed me. One of the other daughters called me about a month ago asking when I had my baby (apparently my mother told them I was due in October??)
Needless to say I AM PISSED OFF. VERY VERY PISSED OFF.
S was very kind and sad and upset that she had upset me. She also tried to calm me and remind me of how excited everyone must have been to share the good news, before I rip into my mother. But regardless, my mom is going to hear about this. It was never her good news to share, in my opinion, it was ours. It was ours to decide WHO to tell and WHEN. And when we were kind enough to share OUR news with them, it was not so that they could tell whoever, especially after we specifically asked them not to tell anyone for a period of time. I dont care how excited anyone was, we said "do not tell anyone." And it was for a reason.
If you can't trust your parents to obey your wishes, especially with something so damn personal, then who can you trust?
*update: i confronted my mother on this issue in Japan. She *claims* not to have leaked the information. I want to believe her, she was adamant, but there is simply no way these people could have found out if not from her.
This is the second, and most infuriating, time this has happened. When I was pregnant and we decided to tell our parents a few weeks earlier than we wanted to, the main reason for that was to give my mother some much-deserved good news (other bad family stuff happening on her side of the family, which is why we are going to Japan). We made them PROMISE not to tell anyone until I cleared the first trimester. They promised.
M's mother cracked, she told her sister (who undoubtedly told the other 3 siblings, their kids, and M's grandmother). But when I miscarried and we confronted her, she admitted that she told someone. So we knew what to expect.
When I miscarried and both of my parents knew, only my father told me that he "accidentally" told his brother that I miscarried (and not before). I was annoyed, but ok with that because I KNEW. In light of this most recent email, I now know of at least 2 other people my mother told, who obviously told their own daughters, who emailed S, who emailed me. One of the other daughters called me about a month ago asking when I had my baby (apparently my mother told them I was due in October??)
Needless to say I AM PISSED OFF. VERY VERY PISSED OFF.
S was very kind and sad and upset that she had upset me. She also tried to calm me and remind me of how excited everyone must have been to share the good news, before I rip into my mother. But regardless, my mom is going to hear about this. It was never her good news to share, in my opinion, it was ours. It was ours to decide WHO to tell and WHEN. And when we were kind enough to share OUR news with them, it was not so that they could tell whoever, especially after we specifically asked them not to tell anyone for a period of time. I dont care how excited anyone was, we said "do not tell anyone." And it was for a reason.
If you can't trust your parents to obey your wishes, especially with something so damn personal, then who can you trust?
*update: i confronted my mother on this issue in Japan. She *claims* not to have leaked the information. I want to believe her, she was adamant, but there is simply no way these people could have found out if not from her.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Is it normal?
To want to drink more before you become pregnant to ward off any desire to drink lovely and amazing wine when you hopefully discover that you are?
In the last month, I have probably consumed more than I admitteldy normally do, partially on account that i *may* become pregnant sometime soon. The problem with that plan is that if I don't become pregnant before Thanksgiving, I will have consumed a sub-optimal amount of wine calories for no legitmate reason other than straight up selfishness. DAMN. You really can't win in this situation. You will feel guilty either way. The only minor consulation is that in organizing our wine closet I've realized how much great wine I will be able to drink after our (hoped for) child is born and not living off mom's post-pump & dump.
Damn. It's hard to be good. However, going to visit my Grandma and Aunt (as well as a few other relatives I've been informed want us to visit them while we're in Japan) this next week is going to be quite sobering, and I'm sure it'll be much more sobering once we arrive in the wonderful prefecture my grandmother lives in.
I will restrain from saying or writing more for fear that the five or six folks who read this blog will be offended or judge me for my wrongdoings. Rather, I will post upon our return from Japan and hopefully be knocked up by then. :-)
Is this TMI? oh well. T'was never my forte anyways.
In the last month, I have probably consumed more than I admitteldy normally do, partially on account that i *may* become pregnant sometime soon. The problem with that plan is that if I don't become pregnant before Thanksgiving, I will have consumed a sub-optimal amount of wine calories for no legitmate reason other than straight up selfishness. DAMN. You really can't win in this situation. You will feel guilty either way. The only minor consulation is that in organizing our wine closet I've realized how much great wine I will be able to drink after our (hoped for) child is born and not living off mom's post-pump & dump.
Damn. It's hard to be good. However, going to visit my Grandma and Aunt (as well as a few other relatives I've been informed want us to visit them while we're in Japan) this next week is going to be quite sobering, and I'm sure it'll be much more sobering once we arrive in the wonderful prefecture my grandmother lives in.
I will restrain from saying or writing more for fear that the five or six folks who read this blog will be offended or judge me for my wrongdoings. Rather, I will post upon our return from Japan and hopefully be knocked up by then. :-)
Is this TMI? oh well. T'was never my forte anyways.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Another baby boom?
Since my last post about a good friend becoming pregnant, we have learned that 2 more friends are pregnant as well. One, a good friend from high school who has been trying for 10 months. Of course, I am thrilled for her and her husband. The other, a friend from law school who M and I adore, but rarely see for geographic reasons. His wife is 5 months along already!
Are we experiencing another baby boom or is it just me? 3 new (to us) pregnancies in a week and a half!
Are we experiencing another baby boom or is it just me? 3 new (to us) pregnancies in a week and a half!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Fall break... it was long overdue
Well, now that I don't have Cal football to get all excited about...
It's been really nice to have a couple weekends to regroup and relax. After an insane summer/early Fall, M and I are finally falling into a comfortable rhythm. No more insane plans every single weekend day and night. Although November is tentatively booking up, there's nothing so hard core that we'll be exhausted or running ourselves into the ground. We only have 2 weekends of travel (one of which is a week-long trip to Japan for family reasons, the other is Thanksgiving), but the rest of the time we're home. Yeah! We will, undoubtedly, watch Cal and Oregon football as the season winds down. I will happily plan and test out new recipes for Thanksgiving (which I'm cooking this year since my mom will still be in Japan). We will also celebrate our recent escape from the jail of consumer debt by treating ourselves to a "real" vacation before year's end that doesn't involve visiting family members' graves, family birthdays or spending time with our elderly grandparents--all of which was wonderful and time well-spent, don't get me wrong, but not a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Finger crossed that M can get the time off work and we will be celebrating Christmas in Italy where we will walk around (hopefully) mostly-empty Italian towns, cook yummy food in our rented apartment, drive around the Tuscan countryside and just relax on a D-style vacation.
I'm not sure what other folks consider "normal" with respect to the time between big vacations. Some of our friends go on vacation every 3 months, while others go every 3 years. For M and I, going out of the country on some sort of vacation (at least one week long) is necessary at least once every 12 months (on a rolling calendar basis). Not only is it our life's passion and admittedly much easier for us due to M's job, it is also a big part of how we reconnect while at the same time happily disconnecting from the rest of our lives for a short period of time. In the recent past, we've tried to line up these vacations around our birthdays because December and January are good times to travel for us (rather than summer when everyone else travels and we can't). Accordingly, this celebration will be an all-in-one deal since it coincides with my birthday, christmas and our new debt-free status.
In the meantime though, we've spent our weekends at home reading, planning our trip, talking, biking, spinning, getting back into running, cooking lots and lots of yummy soup and doing uber-fun stuff like steam cleaning the carpets, organizing our wine closet and making goodwill runs. And strangely, it's been so nice!
I love Fall!
It's been really nice to have a couple weekends to regroup and relax. After an insane summer/early Fall, M and I are finally falling into a comfortable rhythm. No more insane plans every single weekend day and night. Although November is tentatively booking up, there's nothing so hard core that we'll be exhausted or running ourselves into the ground. We only have 2 weekends of travel (one of which is a week-long trip to Japan for family reasons, the other is Thanksgiving), but the rest of the time we're home. Yeah! We will, undoubtedly, watch Cal and Oregon football as the season winds down. I will happily plan and test out new recipes for Thanksgiving (which I'm cooking this year since my mom will still be in Japan). We will also celebrate our recent escape from the jail of consumer debt by treating ourselves to a "real" vacation before year's end that doesn't involve visiting family members' graves, family birthdays or spending time with our elderly grandparents--all of which was wonderful and time well-spent, don't get me wrong, but not a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Finger crossed that M can get the time off work and we will be celebrating Christmas in Italy where we will walk around (hopefully) mostly-empty Italian towns, cook yummy food in our rented apartment, drive around the Tuscan countryside and just relax on a D-style vacation.
I'm not sure what other folks consider "normal" with respect to the time between big vacations. Some of our friends go on vacation every 3 months, while others go every 3 years. For M and I, going out of the country on some sort of vacation (at least one week long) is necessary at least once every 12 months (on a rolling calendar basis). Not only is it our life's passion and admittedly much easier for us due to M's job, it is also a big part of how we reconnect while at the same time happily disconnecting from the rest of our lives for a short period of time. In the recent past, we've tried to line up these vacations around our birthdays because December and January are good times to travel for us (rather than summer when everyone else travels and we can't). Accordingly, this celebration will be an all-in-one deal since it coincides with my birthday, christmas and our new debt-free status.
In the meantime though, we've spent our weekends at home reading, planning our trip, talking, biking, spinning, getting back into running, cooking lots and lots of yummy soup and doing uber-fun stuff like steam cleaning the carpets, organizing our wine closet and making goodwill runs. And strangely, it's been so nice!
I love Fall!
Classic Cal Football
So we won't find out what it feels like to be a fan of *any other top 25 team* this year. This year is, yet again, a Classic Cal Football season. I hate that we're so cliche. Damn boys, you have all the talent, the fan base, etc... what happened?
Well, the good news is that at least Big Game tickets will be cheaper now. And it may actually be a well-matched game. Yup. That's how far we've slipped down the Pac-10 ladder. And our schedule isn't going to be any easier... Arizona State, USC.... now I'm just crossing my fingers that we take home the Axe this year. DAMN.
Well, the good news is that at least Big Game tickets will be cheaper now. And it may actually be a well-matched game. Yup. That's how far we've slipped down the Pac-10 ladder. And our schedule isn't going to be any easier... Arizona State, USC.... now I'm just crossing my fingers that we take home the Axe this year. DAMN.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Ouch, it stings.. more than a little bit
You know what I'm talking about if you saw/listened to the Cal game today. When I heard the commentators call FINAL, I could hear CG moaning, groaning and swearing like a drunk sailor at our downtrodden Golden Bears. WTF was Riley thinking?!!!
To be fair, Riley will be an asset to us once he [1] makes it through this season and next summer and [2] gets his head around what he just did to our season. Our unbelievable, gorgeous season. Thank god we're not the only BCS-worthy, one-loss team this season. However we are one of just a few who have lost to an unranked team.
Remember previously mentioned Duck husband? Even HE feels bad for our beloved Bears. (of course the Ducks absolutely creamed Washington State) That's saying alot. One, that he really loves me, so much that he can commiserate with our absolutely miserable showing today. (truly bad, Nate, I never thought I would miss you so much.. Especially your first season. I swore you sucked eggs). Two, that we really performed badly today.
'Nuf said. I'm going to a movie to forget my sorrows... already drowning them with some lovely Zin from Easton. (wintermute! cheers!)
Roll on you Bears... next week you better come out ON FIRE against UCLA. First of all, they are FAKE BEARS who have copied our colors, schools and now our football program. Second of all, you better come out JUST F'IN PISSED.
To be fair, Riley will be an asset to us once he [1] makes it through this season and next summer and [2] gets his head around what he just did to our season. Our unbelievable, gorgeous season. Thank god we're not the only BCS-worthy, one-loss team this season. However we are one of just a few who have lost to an unranked team.
Remember previously mentioned Duck husband? Even HE feels bad for our beloved Bears. (of course the Ducks absolutely creamed Washington State) That's saying alot. One, that he really loves me, so much that he can commiserate with our absolutely miserable showing today. (truly bad, Nate, I never thought I would miss you so much.. Especially your first season. I swore you sucked eggs). Two, that we really performed badly today.
'Nuf said. I'm going to a movie to forget my sorrows... already drowning them with some lovely Zin from Easton. (wintermute! cheers!)
Roll on you Bears... next week you better come out ON FIRE against UCLA. First of all, they are FAKE BEARS who have copied our colors, schools and now our football program. Second of all, you better come out JUST F'IN PISSED.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Some random thoughts
Are you lucky? I think so.
Today I met with an associate (who happens to be a good friend and colleague of BT) who shared a snippet from her life that made me think, "wow you are lucky." Mind you, she is a first year associate at Gigantic Firm of Whitey, Whitey and Whitey. I know what her life will entail in a few short months. However, she is married to a wonderful guy who has a flexible job/schedule. They've been lucky enough to have a son. And most of all, as she said, "we have family dinner every single night, no matter what. We started doing that before I started being a lawyer and before we had our son and I will try my hardest to continue to do so now."
Wow. In large-firm-lawyer-land, she'd be lucky if this continued through the end of the year. In regular 40-hour a week job-land, she'd by lucky if this worked out more than a couple years before the next big promotion. In married-to-a-pilot land this is an impossibility. An unattainable wish, particularly if the pilot commutes to his base. So kudos to everyone and anyone who has this capability. As much as it's a pain in the ass to plan a meal and make dinner every night, the ability to feed to people you love, to have time every single night together, and to fall asleep in the same house/state/time zone, is quite a blessing that I think most folks take for granted.
Don't feel bad if you do. It's true that you never know what you've got unless you don't have that particular thing anymore (not like you lost it necessarily, you just don't have it). But hopefully at least once in awhile you do realize how lucky you are.
All forms of communication are not created equally
On another note, I have recently been making a concerted effort to be more communicative. For the last 4 or 5 months, I've basically shunned the phone. Which is very wierd considering I LIVED to talk on the phone as a teenager and used it as a lifeline to home & friends during law school and the bar. But now I talk for a living. On average 4-5 hours a day, during a busy week up to 7-8 hours a day. That's no joke. So, to be quite honest, the last thing I want to (or physically can on some days) do at night during my downtime is talk on the phone. Unfortunately, my shunning the phone has also made my closest friends (and likely my family) feel like I've shunned them. Without knowingly doing so, I left a friend without support, without a lifeline, during a very difficult period in her life. And I feel awful about it... so I'm making an effort to be more communicative on the phone. I'm great at email, great for meeting for lunch/dinner/drinks, pretty good at texting..... but I suck at making and returning calls.
If you have ever been on the recieving end of my abstentia from the phone, please know that it's not personal. It never was. It's just me. And I'm sorry, I really really am.
Today I met with an associate (who happens to be a good friend and colleague of BT) who shared a snippet from her life that made me think, "wow you are lucky." Mind you, she is a first year associate at Gigantic Firm of Whitey, Whitey and Whitey. I know what her life will entail in a few short months. However, she is married to a wonderful guy who has a flexible job/schedule. They've been lucky enough to have a son. And most of all, as she said, "we have family dinner every single night, no matter what. We started doing that before I started being a lawyer and before we had our son and I will try my hardest to continue to do so now."
Wow. In large-firm-lawyer-land, she'd be lucky if this continued through the end of the year. In regular 40-hour a week job-land, she'd by lucky if this worked out more than a couple years before the next big promotion. In married-to-a-pilot land this is an impossibility. An unattainable wish, particularly if the pilot commutes to his base. So kudos to everyone and anyone who has this capability. As much as it's a pain in the ass to plan a meal and make dinner every night, the ability to feed to people you love, to have time every single night together, and to fall asleep in the same house/state/time zone, is quite a blessing that I think most folks take for granted.
Don't feel bad if you do. It's true that you never know what you've got unless you don't have that particular thing anymore (not like you lost it necessarily, you just don't have it). But hopefully at least once in awhile you do realize how lucky you are.
All forms of communication are not created equally
On another note, I have recently been making a concerted effort to be more communicative. For the last 4 or 5 months, I've basically shunned the phone. Which is very wierd considering I LIVED to talk on the phone as a teenager and used it as a lifeline to home & friends during law school and the bar. But now I talk for a living. On average 4-5 hours a day, during a busy week up to 7-8 hours a day. That's no joke. So, to be quite honest, the last thing I want to (or physically can on some days) do at night during my downtime is talk on the phone. Unfortunately, my shunning the phone has also made my closest friends (and likely my family) feel like I've shunned them. Without knowingly doing so, I left a friend without support, without a lifeline, during a very difficult period in her life. And I feel awful about it... so I'm making an effort to be more communicative on the phone. I'm great at email, great for meeting for lunch/dinner/drinks, pretty good at texting..... but I suck at making and returning calls.
If you have ever been on the recieving end of my abstentia from the phone, please know that it's not personal. It never was. It's just me. And I'm sorry, I really really am.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Not to be redundant, but DAMN it's good to be a Cal fan!
Again, I hate to repeat the jubilation of Wintermute's post but DAMN! It's good to be a Cal fan. This year we will legimately, and rightfully, earn BCS respect for many good reasons. One of them is because we are in a damn good conference. When the (formerly) #9 team in the Pac-10 takes down the (formerly) #1 team in the COUNTRY, you know you're in a tough conference. Fuck the SEC. I'm not even going to pardon my language. We have Cal, Oregon, USC, Arizona State and surprising comeback kids like Stanford and Oregon State (and even the inconsistent UCLA Bruins). So f-you if you don't think the Pac-10 is real college ball. It is and we're gonna prove it this year.
That is all.
except....GO BEARS!!
That is all.
except....GO BEARS!!
Challenges
As of late, there have been challenges thrown my (our) way... most recently...
We hosted a weekend of Big Crush at my family home, which was fun and challenging at the same time. On the one hand, it was great having our good friends at the house with us for a nice getaway weekend, wine tasting was a blast, albeit crowded and overrun with frat boys and plastics (see wintermute's blog). On the other hand, even though we don't have kids yet, it was as difficult as dealing with a colic infant all night long for an entire weekend. M and I didn't sleep, really sleep, at all Friday or Saturday night, yet we drank Friday night and all day Saturday with our guests. We certainly tried to be good hosts, but when you're dealing with *ah-hem* disgusting animal health issues, while trying to keep your guests away from the nasty that is occuring all weekend, it's quite exhausting. Luckily for us, H and O were the most gracious guests, the most understanding guests imaginable. But needless to say we were unbelievably exhausted driving back to the bay area Sunday night (with an accident at the 80-west/50-west junction no less).**
Even more recently, we have just learned that a very good, deserving friend/couple has found out she is pregnant. Over the past couple months B and I have been sharing our ups/downs/insight/speculation/grievances regarding getting pregnant and dealing with my miscarriage. And despite her predictions to the contrary, she and F were so lucky as to concieve on their first try! Of course, I could not be more thrilled for them both. Truly. I am so excited for them and can only hope, with all my heart, that they never have to experience what we went through. But there is an undeniable part of me that is (I hate to say it) jealous. Eww. I know. Gross. I hate it! I am excited, jealous and hopeful that M and I will have similar luck too--all at the same time.
So, it has definitely been a weekend/beginning of the week of challenges. The upside is also a double-edged sword as well. While we acquired a significant amount of lovely, amazing and enjoyable wine during our weekend in wine country, I am also hoping that I am pregnant and thus won't be able to enjoy said wine for another year-ish. :-) C'est la vie, no?
**For H, O, K and G: The animal issues you witnessed were NOT normal. My dad took her to the vet Sunday morning where she recieved treatment for severe dehydration (due to the issues you witnessed) and has been on medication to deal with those issues since. When she returned to the house Sunday night, after spending 6 hours at the emergency vet clinic, she was a completely different dog than the one you encountered. So I'm sorry to had to go through that! She's not normally like that, I swear.
We hosted a weekend of Big Crush at my family home, which was fun and challenging at the same time. On the one hand, it was great having our good friends at the house with us for a nice getaway weekend, wine tasting was a blast, albeit crowded and overrun with frat boys and plastics (see wintermute's blog). On the other hand, even though we don't have kids yet, it was as difficult as dealing with a colic infant all night long for an entire weekend. M and I didn't sleep, really sleep, at all Friday or Saturday night, yet we drank Friday night and all day Saturday with our guests. We certainly tried to be good hosts, but when you're dealing with *ah-hem* disgusting animal health issues, while trying to keep your guests away from the nasty that is occuring all weekend, it's quite exhausting. Luckily for us, H and O were the most gracious guests, the most understanding guests imaginable. But needless to say we were unbelievably exhausted driving back to the bay area Sunday night (with an accident at the 80-west/50-west junction no less).**
Even more recently, we have just learned that a very good, deserving friend/couple has found out she is pregnant. Over the past couple months B and I have been sharing our ups/downs/insight/speculation/grievances regarding getting pregnant and dealing with my miscarriage. And despite her predictions to the contrary, she and F were so lucky as to concieve on their first try! Of course, I could not be more thrilled for them both. Truly. I am so excited for them and can only hope, with all my heart, that they never have to experience what we went through. But there is an undeniable part of me that is (I hate to say it) jealous. Eww. I know. Gross. I hate it! I am excited, jealous and hopeful that M and I will have similar luck too--all at the same time.
So, it has definitely been a weekend/beginning of the week of challenges. The upside is also a double-edged sword as well. While we acquired a significant amount of lovely, amazing and enjoyable wine during our weekend in wine country, I am also hoping that I am pregnant and thus won't be able to enjoy said wine for another year-ish. :-) C'est la vie, no?
**For H, O, K and G: The animal issues you witnessed were NOT normal. My dad took her to the vet Sunday morning where she recieved treatment for severe dehydration (due to the issues you witnessed) and has been on medication to deal with those issues since. When she returned to the house Sunday night, after spending 6 hours at the emergency vet clinic, she was a completely different dog than the one you encountered. So I'm sorry to had to go through that! She's not normally like that, I swear.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Can you say #3?!
Ok, I should preface this by saying that I'm not a sports junkie. I don't know much about stats for any popular sport, I probably can't tell you much about most of the players on my favorite team, but like my love of wine, I do know that I love me some Cal Bears Football. And this was an unbelievable weekend to be a Bears fan. After a nailbiting game on Saturday with the Oregon Ducks (M is a Duck fan, through and through), the Bears staked their claim to the #2 spot in the Pac-10 and the #3 spot in the country!!! (according to the latest AP Poll). http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3043603
I could not be more thrilled!
Sadly this comes as a blow to the Ducks, one of whom is my hubby, so the game yesterday was pretty intense. But a funny story too... see we were to attend a wedding in Sonoma yesterday afternoon that started at 5pm. As you probably know, the game wasn't over until almost 5pm. So, while we watched the game, we got ready for the wedding on commercial breaks, yelling to each other when to come back to the family room because the game was back on. M was frantically packing for his trip Sunday morning (5am no less), doing dishes, ironing his shirt for the wedding; while I was running around with one shoe on/off, curling my hair, trying to do makeup and not burn myself between runs back to the TV. Yup, this is how we roll.
We finally got the Tivo up to the "LiveTV" part and were able to then jump in the car, which M had already programmed to 810am, and drive up to Sonoma. I don't remember much about the drive except being scared that M was driving. That was perhaps a bad judgment call on my part. But we made it alive... and with about 10 minutes to spare before the ceremony started. But poor M had to compose himself, and I did have to remind him to cheer up a bit. It was a wedding for the love of (insert spiritual icon of choice)! Although that did not stop us, or anyone else at the wedding, from lamenting or celebrating the outcome of the Cal-Oregon game, as well as the Florida game (a lot of East Coasters in attendance). I seriously gave one of our servers a high-five when he revealed that he was a Cal fan too and had to miss the last part of the game to get the winery ready for this wedding.
I could not be more thrilled!
Sadly this comes as a blow to the Ducks, one of whom is my hubby, so the game yesterday was pretty intense. But a funny story too... see we were to attend a wedding in Sonoma yesterday afternoon that started at 5pm. As you probably know, the game wasn't over until almost 5pm. So, while we watched the game, we got ready for the wedding on commercial breaks, yelling to each other when to come back to the family room because the game was back on. M was frantically packing for his trip Sunday morning (5am no less), doing dishes, ironing his shirt for the wedding; while I was running around with one shoe on/off, curling my hair, trying to do makeup and not burn myself between runs back to the TV. Yup, this is how we roll.
We finally got the Tivo up to the "LiveTV" part and were able to then jump in the car, which M had already programmed to 810am, and drive up to Sonoma. I don't remember much about the drive except being scared that M was driving. That was perhaps a bad judgment call on my part. But we made it alive... and with about 10 minutes to spare before the ceremony started. But poor M had to compose himself, and I did have to remind him to cheer up a bit. It was a wedding for the love of (insert spiritual icon of choice)! Although that did not stop us, or anyone else at the wedding, from lamenting or celebrating the outcome of the Cal-Oregon game, as well as the Florida game (a lot of East Coasters in attendance). I seriously gave one of our servers a high-five when he revealed that he was a Cal fan too and had to miss the last part of the game to get the winery ready for this wedding.
I was talking to W this afternoon about how her fiancee handled the outcome. W is also in a Duck-Bear household, so we often comiserate about how our boys are handling things. Similarly, V was less than thrilled. He has now vowed to "have nothing to do with those Bears," which could be a problem since us girls want to attend some games together! :-)
Wintermute promises to grow up next weekend. I, on the other hand, do not. The Bears deserve bragging rights this year! Wintermute is right, we may be notorious for complaining that we don't get respect in the BCS polls. (which we don't!) So it's no surprise when I say that, true to form, I believe we (the Bears and the Pac-10) will finally get some respect this Fall.
Roll on you Bears......
Friday, September 28, 2007
Strike! Strike!
So... even though I had planned to take a break from drinking and debauchery in a couple weeks, my body decided enough was enough. I've been fighting a cold since returning from Canada (on Sept 10th people, it's almost October)... and was doing well and feeling about 95% good until attending, and drinking my way through, the Now & Zen Fest in Golden Gate Park last Sunday. (It's pretty bad when the following two things happen: [1] One needs the pictures one took while drunk to remember that one did indeed see both Joss Stone and James Blunt play and [2] A friend emails me to say that a new co-worker just introduced herself on Monday because I told the new co-worker at the bar we went to after the concert that my friend recently started at X company... and that is when I finally recall meeting said co-worker at the bar)
On Monday morning, my body went on strike. I woke up with the familiar sore throat and knew exactly what was headin' my way. Sure enough, Tuesday afternoon, on BART no less, my nose decided to empty its complete contents without a tissue in sight. Awesome. I ended up trying to inconspicuously use a Wet Wipe (antibacterial hand wipe that is indeed wet) to clear up this mess. Not good. And the rest of the week was done. I've been working through this, making only morning appointments with clients (since that's when my body decides to cooperate). Made it to the doctor again for the second time in a 10 days for more drugs. (none of that hippie shit for me, gimme the drugs). And now I feel I am legitimately on the road to recovery. This time I vow not to fall off the wagon and drink myself silly, go out late, or do anything remotely un-healthy until this damn cold is gone. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!
Wintermute: I hear ya, this is one nasty bugger of a cold, times two. (although the doc informs me that I've somehow got a new virus, not a crappier version of the old one). I hope you're feeling better soon too.
Till Big Crush......
On Monday morning, my body went on strike. I woke up with the familiar sore throat and knew exactly what was headin' my way. Sure enough, Tuesday afternoon, on BART no less, my nose decided to empty its complete contents without a tissue in sight. Awesome. I ended up trying to inconspicuously use a Wet Wipe (antibacterial hand wipe that is indeed wet) to clear up this mess. Not good. And the rest of the week was done. I've been working through this, making only morning appointments with clients (since that's when my body decides to cooperate). Made it to the doctor again for the second time in a 10 days for more drugs. (none of that hippie shit for me, gimme the drugs). And now I feel I am legitimately on the road to recovery. This time I vow not to fall off the wagon and drink myself silly, go out late, or do anything remotely un-healthy until this damn cold is gone. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!
Wintermute: I hear ya, this is one nasty bugger of a cold, times two. (although the doc informs me that I've somehow got a new virus, not a crappier version of the old one). I hope you're feeling better soon too.
Till Big Crush......
Monday, September 24, 2007
A complete 180?
First, a note about my links. I'm not savvy on blogspot, so apologies that the links to blogs i'm reading aren't great. I'll figure it out someday.
I was thinking about my first few posts, in particular the one about drinking, in contrast with recent events we've attended. I do believe we've done a complete 180. This past weekend we attended 2 drinking events (one big, one small), last weekend--2 drinking events (one big, one small), and next weekend looks like it's going to be the same. To be fair, we are doing other things as a couple besides drinking, but it's hard to break out of the mold of hanging out with your friends and having a bottle of wine (or in some instances 2 or 3). But I must admit, two Sundays in a row of pretty decent drinking have made my Mondays, as well as my recovery from this nasty cough, quite slow. The thing is, I don't see respite in the near future. Next weekend we've got a wedding, at a winery no less, and the weekend after that we head up to wine country for a harvest festival with friends.
I think after that M and my liver are going on strike. M actually loved not drinking when I was pregnant. So I think I'm going to try to preemptively head off his objections to any further drinking events on weekends by scheduling some much needed detox after Big Crush. Some yoga, running, biking and/or spinning, along with a healthy veggie & no-wine detox weekend will do us both some good. Coincidentally, the weekend I'm scheduling detox is the same weekend we have a volunteer event, so it'll good for me, M, our livers and the community. All tied up nice and neat, huh?
I was thinking about my first few posts, in particular the one about drinking, in contrast with recent events we've attended. I do believe we've done a complete 180. This past weekend we attended 2 drinking events (one big, one small), last weekend--2 drinking events (one big, one small), and next weekend looks like it's going to be the same. To be fair, we are doing other things as a couple besides drinking, but it's hard to break out of the mold of hanging out with your friends and having a bottle of wine (or in some instances 2 or 3). But I must admit, two Sundays in a row of pretty decent drinking have made my Mondays, as well as my recovery from this nasty cough, quite slow. The thing is, I don't see respite in the near future. Next weekend we've got a wedding, at a winery no less, and the weekend after that we head up to wine country for a harvest festival with friends.
I think after that M and my liver are going on strike. M actually loved not drinking when I was pregnant. So I think I'm going to try to preemptively head off his objections to any further drinking events on weekends by scheduling some much needed detox after Big Crush. Some yoga, running, biking and/or spinning, along with a healthy veggie & no-wine detox weekend will do us both some good. Coincidentally, the weekend I'm scheduling detox is the same weekend we have a volunteer event, so it'll good for me, M, our livers and the community. All tied up nice and neat, huh?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
2008: Year of the Wedding (not Year of the Pig)
I don't know what's in the water these days, but it seems like everyone we know is getting married. Every year since 1998, M and I have attended on average 3-4 weddings a year. That's normal I'd say given our age and where we are in our lives. This year was a little higher, we're attending our 5th wedding in 2 weeks. But next year is unprecedented, we have been invited to 6 weddings. 6 weddings people! These are all friends that we've known for a long time, some of these friends have been there with me in the trenches of my first summer associate experience, studying & taking the bar, my first year of practice, and one I've known since junior high. So it's not like they are weddings we want to miss. The other interesting thing is that even though 4 of the 6 couples live here in the Bay Area, only one of the weddings will actually be here, local. In fact (i'm certainly not complaining about this) we have 2 in Oahu back-to-back. This is insane! I'm starting to feel like we're wedding crashers, without the crashing part. I honestly don't know how we are invited to so many weddings. Don't get me wrong, I love going and I'm honored that these wonderful people have asked us to be there on their most special day. But I'm starting to wonder if we have a neon sign above our heads that says "Invite me!"
So next year, in lieu of a single, long vacation M and I are taking many mini vacations to the following amazing destinations: Savannah, Milwaukee (in the summer I hear it's beautiful!), Tahoe and Honolulu (twice). Woo hoo!
Don't remind me how much all of this is going to cost. Even a rough calculation of just wedding gifts and bridal shower gifts (not including travel, bachelorette parties, etc) over the past 10 years brings us to about $5000. It's gonna get crazy once all of these newlyweds start having babies.
There may be a chance that I'll be unable to attend a few of these weddings if (fingers crossed) I get pregnant again. But I'm hoping I can go to at least one of the Hawaii weddings, even if it's 9 months pregnant or with a newborn. Cuz you know, that's our old 'hood, so it's only fitting it's the first place our kid would go with us.
So next year, in lieu of a single, long vacation M and I are taking many mini vacations to the following amazing destinations: Savannah, Milwaukee (in the summer I hear it's beautiful!), Tahoe and Honolulu (twice). Woo hoo!
Don't remind me how much all of this is going to cost. Even a rough calculation of just wedding gifts and bridal shower gifts (not including travel, bachelorette parties, etc) over the past 10 years brings us to about $5000. It's gonna get crazy once all of these newlyweds start having babies.
There may be a chance that I'll be unable to attend a few of these weddings if (fingers crossed) I get pregnant again. But I'm hoping I can go to at least one of the Hawaii weddings, even if it's 9 months pregnant or with a newborn. Cuz you know, that's our old 'hood, so it's only fitting it's the first place our kid would go with us.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Back in the States
Going to Canada is always an interesting experience for lots of reasons. First, M has family there, so we're always zipping off to see someone regardless of what province we're in. BC, Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia--seriously. Whaddya need. But also because it's seriously M's turf! Since M has an insanely good memory, he rememers every slight detail about his life there. For example, ever since I've known him, he's been singing the theme song for their version of Little Caesar's Pizza.. and I thought it was a joke. (14 years of hearing this little ditty people, 14 years) No joke.
967 11-11, call Pizza Pizza hey hey hey!
Pizza Pizza's number is still the same! In fact it's plastered all over their signage in the City.
967 11-11, call Pizza Pizza hey hey hey!
Pizza Pizza's number is still the same! In fact it's plastered all over their signage in the City.
We also had to do all the traditional Canada stuff--Tim Hortons Timbits (yum) and coffee. For those of you not married to a Canuck, Timbits are the part of the donut cut out to make the hole. Genius way to make a buck from every part of a donut.
We went to Sobey's (grocery chain) and Shoppers (Walgreen's) for various items. We drove 1400 kms in 2 days (canadians drive long distances for fun, seriously). We drank a few Alexander Keith's. Yum. We rode the red rocket in TO. Toronto is called TO by locals, the Red Rocket is the subway. We seriously did it all. And that was only the first 3 days. We then flew a few thousand more kms to Halifax, Nova Scotia to visit the other side of the family and surprise M's grandma for her 80th birthday. As exhausting as this trip was, I absolutely love visiting that side of the family. They have their own flavor of crazy (and now I see where M's mom gets it), but I adore the family. The cousins are fantastic, even when they're dealing with some seriously f'ed up sh*t. It makes me wish they lived closer.
But visiting Canada this time made me think about how awesome it is. Yeah, the taxes are high but every single person has healthcare. The people are kind, they've got some kick ass cities with awesome food, waterfronts and nature. Think about it, the population of the entire country is roughly the same as California (33Mil) and they've got the whole damn country to spread out in! Canada also has an endearing quality that I've never felt here. Canadians love their country. It's the wierdest thing being an American and seeing that. Half the country here doesnt support the President at any given time and everyone bitches about everything. (with good cause, dont get me wrong) But it's just not like that up there and it's kinda refreshing.
I also love how education is still accessible to everyone. It's not insanely expensive like it is here (due in part to the high taxes). But Canadians also place true value on trade schools. They aren't looked down upon, in fact electricians, machinists, mechanics are viewed as professions. That's one thing we don't do here. Sure, you can become an electrician or plumber, but you're never going to be treated as a professional like a businessperson or something. It's just different up there.
One other thing that's super cool? It's a dual language country, so even if you don't want to, you will learn French if you live there. I love it. It's perfect because the English translation is always there in case I couldn't figure out what the sign said or what the flight attendant was saying. We listened to a few hours of French radio on the way up to Northern Ontario (we were literally across the lake from Quebec, I could have swam there) and it was awesome. Everyone speaks some French, regardless of how long it's been since they've practiced, because it's literally everywhere. M's little 6 year old cousin recited the Three Little Pigs to us in French. And she learned French in her french immersion classes at her public school. Love it!
I don't know if it's all the good clean Canadian air, the abundance of trees or just plain having some time off, but I heart Canada now.
But visiting Canada this time made me think about how awesome it is. Yeah, the taxes are high but every single person has healthcare. The people are kind, they've got some kick ass cities with awesome food, waterfronts and nature. Think about it, the population of the entire country is roughly the same as California (33Mil) and they've got the whole damn country to spread out in! Canada also has an endearing quality that I've never felt here. Canadians love their country. It's the wierdest thing being an American and seeing that. Half the country here doesnt support the President at any given time and everyone bitches about everything. (with good cause, dont get me wrong) But it's just not like that up there and it's kinda refreshing.
I also love how education is still accessible to everyone. It's not insanely expensive like it is here (due in part to the high taxes). But Canadians also place true value on trade schools. They aren't looked down upon, in fact electricians, machinists, mechanics are viewed as professions. That's one thing we don't do here. Sure, you can become an electrician or plumber, but you're never going to be treated as a professional like a businessperson or something. It's just different up there.
One other thing that's super cool? It's a dual language country, so even if you don't want to, you will learn French if you live there. I love it. It's perfect because the English translation is always there in case I couldn't figure out what the sign said or what the flight attendant was saying. We listened to a few hours of French radio on the way up to Northern Ontario (we were literally across the lake from Quebec, I could have swam there) and it was awesome. Everyone speaks some French, regardless of how long it's been since they've practiced, because it's literally everywhere. M's little 6 year old cousin recited the Three Little Pigs to us in French. And she learned French in her french immersion classes at her public school. Love it!
I don't know if it's all the good clean Canadian air, the abundance of trees or just plain having some time off, but I heart Canada now.
Friday, August 31, 2007
36
For some strange reason, the stars are aligning and making me consider the number 36. M's father was 36 when he died. Today, Aug 31st, is the 10th anniversary of Princess Diana's death in 1997. She was 36. I happen to be simultaneously DVR'ing a show on Princess Diana and a cheesy movie about a girl who finds herself in her 30s. We are also about to embark on our trip to commemorate M's father, J, to Canada on our trip and I am thinking about a special gift to leave at J's gravesite. Not to mention that both M and I are in our early 30s. So I'm thinking a lot about the number 36.
When J was 36 he had a 10 year old son. M and I have been together, collectively, for over 14 years. We could easily have a 10 year old child. But for many reasons, that was never in the cards. And now, post-miscarriage of course, I'm wondering why. Rationally... intellectually there are tons of reasons why. M was in flight school, then flying for the airlines, then I went to law school and did the big law firm gig for awhile. Then I switched careers. And all of a sudden here we are... in our 30s. Where did the time go?! Sure, we've moved 12 times in our 7 years of marriage (11 moves in the first 5 years). We were busy. But were we really too busy?
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret a single thing M and I have done in our lives together. We've travelled all over the world. We've seen and done things lots of folks our age aren't normally able to do. And we've created an incredible bond that is literally unbreakable. We've both come to realize that this miscarriage is part of the tapestry of our marriage, it always will be. But when you take time... give pause to think about where you will be in a few years... versus where your parents were at your own age. It does make you wonder.
J was incredibly, and I mean *incredibly*, mature and responsible for his age. J left his 10 year old son with life insurance and an inheritance sufficient for M to pursue higher education, private for the most part, post-mortem. He left him with a strong memory and an even stronger set of morals and values than I have (and both of my parents are still alive). When M recants stories of what his dad did, on VERY little sleep for the 10 years they were together, as a single parent no less, I am seriously awed by it. J instilled in M the kind of strength, maturity and character I measure every man, every human, against. (which is why I could never find another man as amazing as M, truly) It's really incredible what he did from the time he was 26 until he died. And M remembers every moment with unbelievable clarity.
I don't really know what the point of this post is. All I know is that I strive to be the kind of person, and parent, J was. And the funny thing is... I never met him. But to leave the kind of legacy that he did when he was only 36 years old is a feat I can't even fathom. I can only honour it and hope that my kids say the same thing about me when they're 36.
When J was 36 he had a 10 year old son. M and I have been together, collectively, for over 14 years. We could easily have a 10 year old child. But for many reasons, that was never in the cards. And now, post-miscarriage of course, I'm wondering why. Rationally... intellectually there are tons of reasons why. M was in flight school, then flying for the airlines, then I went to law school and did the big law firm gig for awhile. Then I switched careers. And all of a sudden here we are... in our 30s. Where did the time go?! Sure, we've moved 12 times in our 7 years of marriage (11 moves in the first 5 years). We were busy. But were we really too busy?
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret a single thing M and I have done in our lives together. We've travelled all over the world. We've seen and done things lots of folks our age aren't normally able to do. And we've created an incredible bond that is literally unbreakable. We've both come to realize that this miscarriage is part of the tapestry of our marriage, it always will be. But when you take time... give pause to think about where you will be in a few years... versus where your parents were at your own age. It does make you wonder.
J was incredibly, and I mean *incredibly*, mature and responsible for his age. J left his 10 year old son with life insurance and an inheritance sufficient for M to pursue higher education, private for the most part, post-mortem. He left him with a strong memory and an even stronger set of morals and values than I have (and both of my parents are still alive). When M recants stories of what his dad did, on VERY little sleep for the 10 years they were together, as a single parent no less, I am seriously awed by it. J instilled in M the kind of strength, maturity and character I measure every man, every human, against. (which is why I could never find another man as amazing as M, truly) It's really incredible what he did from the time he was 26 until he died. And M remembers every moment with unbelievable clarity.
I don't really know what the point of this post is. All I know is that I strive to be the kind of person, and parent, J was. And the funny thing is... I never met him. But to leave the kind of legacy that he did when he was only 36 years old is a feat I can't even fathom. I can only honour it and hope that my kids say the same thing about me when they're 36.
Monday, August 27, 2007
One more week
I could blame it on the pregnancy, but really it's not about that. For the past month or so, I've been feeling really burned out at work. I've only been at this job for 13 months, so it's not really justifiable in the length sense. But for some reason (and I never thought I'd feel like this) I don't feel like I'm ever really challenged at this job. Sure, getting the work done is time consuming, but it never stretches my brain the way that the practice of law used to. On the other hand, I used to hate that I was so mentally exhausted by work, in addition to the long hours. So I can't tell which is worse. All I know is that I have one more week, really 4 more days of work plus an extra day, before I can get away from it all for at least one week.
M & I are spending a week in Canada visiting family, his father's grave in WAY northern Ontario (like 6.5 hours north of Toronto, no joke), and surprising his grandmother on her 80th birthday. We'll be all over the place from Toronto and northern Ontario to way out east in Halifax (Nova Scotia)... and it'll be hectic. But I'm so looking forward to it. One whole week of being away from reminders of the miscarriage, of not doing chores around the house, about not worrying about what's for dinner or taking the garbage out or the stack of dishes I hate to do during the week when M is gone on a trip. A whole week of semi-vacation. (It's not really vacation unless we go somewhere of our choosing like Greece or Thailand or something... family visits don't count :-)
Hopefully when we return, I'll be rested and ready to tackle the insanity that Fall always brings in this job. Hopefully I'll give two shits about my numbers, performance measures and revenue.
5 more days.....
M & I are spending a week in Canada visiting family, his father's grave in WAY northern Ontario (like 6.5 hours north of Toronto, no joke), and surprising his grandmother on her 80th birthday. We'll be all over the place from Toronto and northern Ontario to way out east in Halifax (Nova Scotia)... and it'll be hectic. But I'm so looking forward to it. One whole week of being away from reminders of the miscarriage, of not doing chores around the house, about not worrying about what's for dinner or taking the garbage out or the stack of dishes I hate to do during the week when M is gone on a trip. A whole week of semi-vacation. (It's not really vacation unless we go somewhere of our choosing like Greece or Thailand or something... family visits don't count :-)
Hopefully when we return, I'll be rested and ready to tackle the insanity that Fall always brings in this job. Hopefully I'll give two shits about my numbers, performance measures and revenue.
5 more days.....
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